"All weekend I felt the grief so close to the surface," Janelle said, sharing that the holiday was "surprisingly emotional" for her in the wake of the death of her son, who passed away on March 5.
Sister Wives star Janelle Brown is opening up about celebrating her first Mother's Day without her son, Garrison.
On Monday, the reality star took to Instagram to share that the holiday was "surprisingly emotional" for her in the wake of the death of her son, who passed away in March, and said she made Garrison's favorite pie in his honor.
"Mother's Day, Grief and Strawberry Rhubarb Pie," Janelle began in the caption of her post, which featured a photo of the pie.
"Mother's Day was surprisingly emotional for me. It just never has been a big holiday for me. My children have always shown up for me and made me feel special everyday. Especially since they became independent adults and weren’t home all the time," the mom of six continued.
"But this year was different," she continued. "All weekend I felt the grief so close to the surface. And it was especially poignant when I made this simple pie. Our strawberry picking excursion combined with the fact that I randomly found rhubarb at the local farmers market made it feel like this pie was destined."
The TLC star shared that strawberry rhubarb is "a huge favorite at our house and maybe no one loved it more than Garrison."
"And that made this pie a little bitter sweet," she wrote, before concluding her post by sharing a message for her late son. "I love you honey and miss you every day."
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On March 5, Garrison -- the son of Janelle and Kody Brown -- was found dead in his home in Flagstaff, AZ after an apparent suicide. He was 25 years old.
According to TMZ, the Flagstaff Police Department responded to a report of a death, finding Garrison dead from an apparent self-inflicted gunshot wound. No foul play was suspected. He was reportedly found by his 22-year-old brother Gabriel.
The reality star's cause of death was a gunshot wound to the head, and his death was ruled a suicide, according to an autopsy report obtained by Us Weekly.
In addition, the report showed that Garrison had a blood alcohol level of 0.307% at the time of his death, which is three times the legal limit. The legal BAC (blood alcohol concentration) limit is 0.08% or higher for people over 21. This is approximately four or five drinks for men.
Per USA Today, ethanol intoxication, or alcohol poisoning, was listed as a "significant condition" contributing to his death.
Janelle confirmed her son's death on social media on March 5 with a post echoed on Kody's page.
"Kody and I are deeply saddened to announce the loss of our beautiful boy Robert Garrison Brown," they wrote. "He was a bright spot in the lives of all who knew him. His loss will leave such a big hole in our lives that it takes our breath away. We ask that you please respect our privacy and join us in honoring his memory."
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In the time since his death, Garrison's family and friends have been mourning their loss on social media.
Last month, Janelle honored her late son on what would have been his 26th birthday, sharing a touching tribute on Instagram. She posted a compilation video featuring throwback footage and a sweet photo of Garrison celebrating his birthday in the past.
"Happy Birthday Sweetheart. We are missing you terribly today. It's hard to believe you aren't here anymore," she wrote. "We talked a lot about you today and even went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner (your favorite place 😀)."
The TLC star concluded, "I still feel you nearby sometimes. And I'm grateful we will see each other again when my journey is completed."
Garrison -- whose legal name was Robert Garrison Brown -- was Kody's fourth of six children with Janelle.
