Override - victarion - Persona 3 [Archive of Our Own] (2024)

Chapter 1: Override [A]

Chapter Text

Yukari

The memories hit her like a tidal wave.

It's an overwhelming rush of emotions, the sudden realization that everything she thought was wrong for the past month was even worse than she'd thought. How could she forget about the Dark Hour, about the Fall, about Nyx, about...

Makoto stands and tosses his Evoker aside, and calls upon a Persona. Messiah. He kills all the Shadows, and then he turns to us and smiles, and then he floats off, and Fuuka can't sense him, and-

Kotone stands suddenly, her eyes wide. “Uh, Koto-chan?” Junpei says, softly, as the others around them gawk, but Yukari is too lost in her own thoughts to pay attention. She looks up just as Mitsuru leaps off the stage and Kotone runs out of the auditorium. She wastes no more time, jumping out of her seat and bolting towards the doors. The sound of reprimands and confusion are completely lost on her ears.

The others join them on their run at some point. Junpei and Akihiko and Fuuka, and then even Ken and Koromaru. Yukari ignores all of them, all of the insanity happening around her. She just has to get to the roof, has to get to Makoto, because-

He's been so sick, and he's been sleeping so much and he said we wouldn't understand until we got our memories back and-

Kotone is the first to shove the doors open, but Yukari is close behind. “MAKOTO!” they both scream, almost in unison. She catches sight of Aigis, sitting on a bench, and Makoto is lying in her lap, her hands clasped around his over his chest. He turns his head slightly, and she takes off running towards him.

She's the first of them to collapse next to him, to realize that his eyes are closed, and that there's a small smile on his face. She reaches out and takes his hand from Aigis. “Makoto,” she says, softly. “Wake up. We remember now.”

He doesn't respond, doesn't open his eyes, doesn't do anything.

“C-call an ambulance,” Fuuka gasps suddenly.

“Fuuka?” Mitsuru says.

“H-he... there's something wrong, and...” She shakes her head, and Yukari looks up at her in horror. “That last battle, when he-”

Akihiko steps forward, kneels down by Makoto's side and feels at his neck. “His pulse is weak,” he grunts. “Mitsuru, call the ambulance.”

“I do not understand,” Aigis says, looking at them with tears in her eyes. “He is only tired, is he not?”

“He just used too much of his energy,” Yukari explains, more to herself than to Aigis. “H-he... It took a lot out of him to stop the Fall, right?”

Mitsuru calls the hospital, gets transportation coming their way. Akihiko prepares to lift Makoto, but Aigis does it before he can. “If he is in danger,” she says, sternly, “then I will stay with him. I will protect him.”

He's not in danger. That's insane. He's alive. He's still here. Why would he be in danger? The thoughts spring forward one after another, and Yukari finds herself shaking.

She looks at Kotone, and sees that her face is blank, that she's gone completely pale. She stares at her brother in abject horror, unmoving, unblinking. That, more than anything else, is what frightens her. But it means nothing. She forgot, just like the rest of us. He said it would be done, soon, and that-

He never did say he was going to get better, did he?

She swallows back that thought, because Makoto said he wanted to live, he told her that, and she believed him, and he would not allow himself to...

She can't even think it.

Somehow, she ends up at the hospital. She has no memory of going there, only of arriving. She sits in a chair by the bedside of the person she loves more than anything, while he lies there, still and unresponsive, with an oxygen mask over his face and nothing but the dreary beeping of machinery to fill the silence.

Everyone but Mitsuru stands with her, silently. Aigis is completely still, standing by Makoto's side and staring down at him, her unwavering desire to protect him remaining even in this dismal moment. Ken and Akihiko stand at the foot of the bed, both of them obviously trying hard to hide their fear. Junpei sits in the corner, tapping his foot restlessly. Kotone stands off to the side, her arms slack at her sides. Fuuka is in the corner, pacing rapidly, mumbling to herself.

“Fuuka,” Yukari hisses after a few moments. “Either tell us what you're thinking, or shut up.”

“I...” She hesitates, then looks at them all, tears sparkling in her eyes, even in this dark room. “The whole month, I felt like something was wrong with him, but I...” She shakes her head. “It was Juno. She kept telling me that he was...”

“He's not dying,” Akihiko growls. “You honestly think we'd allow that?”

“What're we supposed to do, though?” Junpei asks, quietly. “I mean, we dragged him to the doctors over and over again, and none of them ever...”

“They forgot about the Dark Hour, too,” Akihiko insists. “If they got their memories back when we did, they should be able to do something.”

“Makoto-san is not dying,” Aigis says, softly. “He has no injuries, and suffers from no sickness. His only symptom is exhaustion. That is not indicative of death.”

Yukari nods to that, but some part of her heart just doesn't believe it. She reaches out and grasps his hand in hers, clutching to it desperately.

She's never seen him like this. Even in his worst moments, he still looked better than this. But now he's pale and lifeless and still, and the only indications that he's even still alive at all are the blips on the heart monitor and the occasional vague rising of his chest as he takes in breaths, each one more shallow than the last. And he's cold. Why is he so cold?

Mitsuru returns to them a little while later, and she looks just as pale and weary as the rest of them. “I've explained everything, but the doctors don't remember the Dark Hour. Ryoji's purge was complete, evidently.”

“Then how'd we get our memories back?” Junpei grumbles.

“Likely because of the promise we made.”

To meet up on the rooftop. If we hadn't done that, would we have remembered anything at all? The idea scares her more than anything. Well... almost anything.

Mitsuru sighs heavily, looking around the room. “We should return to the dorm. There's nothing we can do for him here.”

“Nothing we can do for him at home, either,” Akihiko mutters.

“It's late. You all need rest. Myself as well.”

Yukari looks up, and only now realizes that the sun has set. How long has she been sitting here? He'd fallen asleep around 9:00. At least twelve hours must have passed since then.

“I can't leave him,” she manages, through a rapidly constricting throat.

No one says anything to that. They all just stand and stare, all of their eyes focused on Makoto, who had fought with everything he had for them, who'd suffered and struggled for ages for them, who they forgot.

“Kotone,” Yukari says, her voice all choked and muffled and hoarse. “You were in that Velvet Room thing, too, right? This whole year, you've both been in there.” She gets no response, but bulls on anyway. “You... You should know what's happening to him. Right?”

Kotone looks up carefully, her eyes bloodshot and her face completely white. She swallows hard. “I don't know what's happening to him,” she admits. “All I do know... is he's not gonna wake up.”

Yukari can only stare, and shake her head, and say, “No. He's not gonna die. He wouldn't.”

“There is no logical reason to believe Makoto-san is dying,” Aigis says.

“See!? He's gonna be fine. He just needs rest. You said yourself, most of his issues are probably just from malnutrition. He'll get IV fluids, and good rest, and then... And he'll be fine.”

She stands abruptly, shaking from head to toe. “I'm going back to the dorm. He's gonna be fine, so there's no reason for me to just sit around here. They'll tell us when he wakes up, and that'll be that.” Without another word, she stomps out of the room, trying hard to hold back her tears.

-

The others return eventually, but no one talks. Or eats. Or does much of anything.

Mitsuru and Aigis are the only two who don't return. Mitsuru claims she has to handle things at the hospital, and Aigis isn't going to leave Makoto's bedside until he wakes up. It's fine. They'll let her know when he wakes up, and then she'll head back. She leaves her phone on ring just in case.

When exhaustion takes her over, she heads to his room almost by reflex. She buries herself in his sheets, breathing in his scent, and tells herself over and over and over again that he will wake up, and that he'll be fine. And then she can apologize for forgetting, for leaving him in agony for that torturous month, for not being there when he needed her most, and-

Her heart starts to beat all the faster, and her breaths become more and more shallow. Almost unthinkingly, she throws herself off the bed and grabs one of the paper bags from Makoto's little stash, breathing into it and trying to steady herself.

I can't do this to myself, she thinks, aggressively. I can't lose my resolve, because any time that's happened in the past, Makoto was the one to comfort me, and he's not able to right now, and-

Her breathing only becomes all the harder, and she tries to clear her mind of all thoughts, positive or negative. It's not easy, but she manages it, eventually.

When she finally tosses aside the bag, she bolts from his room and heads downstairs to the lounge, desperate to not be here anymore. Everyone else is still there, and Mitsuru returned at some point. She's pacing back and forth, occasionally pulling out her phone and impatiently checking it for updates. Akihiko stands with his arms against the back of a couch, looking down at the spot where Ken sits, clutching at Koromaru. Fuuka is trembling, her gaze locked on the space in front of her. Junpei continues to tap his foot on the ground, just like he had at the hospital.

Kotone, for her part, sits in an armchair and stares dead ahead, her face blank and ghostly. Her eyes couldn't possibly be redder, but she isn't crying. She just looks petrified.

Yukari lets out a cold breath and takes a seat on the couch next to Fuuka, and drums her fingers on her leg, waiting for news.

Aigis

She stands over him, watches him, and yet nothing changes.

The machines beep at the same rate. His breathing is steady, but shallow. His pulse does not change. Everything is stable, everything is consistent. That is a good thing. She thinks it is, anyway.

She'd avoided him for the entirety of February, unable to bear the thought that he might have forgotten her. The idea of looking him in the eyes and seeing a complete lack of recognition had been horrifying beyond her wildest nightmares, and so she'd stayed away. She'd checked in occasionally, and she'd seen how tired he was, but she hadn't thought anything of it.

A machine cannot understand life, and therefore cannot understand death. Why did I think I'd reached the answer, when it is impossible?

The last real contact she'd had with him was on the night of February second. She had engaged her stealth mode and sneaked into his room, which Yukari-san was not sharing with him at the time. She placed his Evoker with the rest of his equipment, watched him sleep for a few moments, and then left him. That was all. It hadn't felt right for her to hold onto his Evoker after he abandoned it. She had to get it back to him, despite the risks.

That feels silly now, in retrospect. He had remembered, he had said so himself. They had all forgotten, and yet Makoto had remembered, the entire time. She never had to flee from him. She could have been with him the whole time, could have been the anchor he needed in the time when he was most isolated. Instead, she'd sealed herself away, and forced him into solitude, and they had both suffered for it.

She will apologize for it. That will be the first thing she does when he opens his eyes. He will open his eyes, after all. There is no reason to think otherwise.

“Messiah,” he'd called, the most magnificent and impossible power I have ever seen. Messiahs always have two things in common: they save the world, and they...

She shakes her head. She will not allow herself to think on that.

Ordinary visiting hours don't start until 8:00, but Mitsuru-san shows up at 7:00. She nods at Aigis upon entering the room, then looks down on their friend with concern. “Any changes, Aigis?”

“Not that I have observed. The doctors would know better than me.”

The doctors had been coming and going all night. Usually they just check a few different things and then leave. Aigis doesn't really know what they're doing. She leaves them to their work, and they leave her to hers. Mitsuru had pulled some strings to ensure she wouldn't be removed from the room. Not that anyone could have managed such a feat. She swore to remain by his side, and so she will.

Yukari-san and Kotone-san both arrive at 8:00 on the spot. Kotone-san looks as weak as her brother, which confuses Aigis. He is in no danger. He is simply tired and malnourished. He will recover. There is no need for worry.

Yukari-san kneels down, grasps Makoto-san's hand, and whispers something to him that he most likely cannot hear. Aigis could strain herself to eavesdrop, but she chooses not to. She accepted her place in Makoto-san's life, and she will not interfere with his relationship.

Aigis takes the moment to study Makoto-san's face. He looks thinner than he did when she saw him last. His hair looks duller, and more matted. From what she's heard, he's been doing almost nothing but sleeping recently, ignoring even food. It's hard to imagine someone like Makoto-san being so inactive. He was always doing something. Always.

After a long few moments, Yukari-san straightens, kisses him on the forehead, and then turns away, wiping away tears from her face before leaving the room. Kotone-san stares down at her brother for a second longer before following after her.

Aigis remains where she is.

A tide of people show up not long after that. Friends of Makoto-san's, demanding to see him. Aigis overhears the arguments through the door, and identifies some of the voices. Kenji-san, Kazushi-san, Odagiri-san, Chihiro-san, Yuko-san, Keisuke-san... and more. She knew most of Makoto's social circle, but she has blind spots like any person. That shouldn't be, though. I am a machine. How can I make mistakes?

None of them are permitted to enter, and a little while later, Ken-san, Akihiko-san, and Junpei-san arrive. None of them say a word. Akihiko-san readjusts the sheets, and Junpei brushes Makotos's hair back over his right eye. When he notices the three others watching him, he shrugs. “He always wore it like that. Never asked why. But just 'cuz he ain't conscious doesn't mean we should ignore what he wants, right?”

It's reasonable enough, Aigis supposes. She had always wondered why Makoto-san wore his hair over one eye. It would limit his vision in an unacceptable way. To confirm this, she had once temporarily disabled vision in her own right eye, and found fighting much more difficult. Despite this, Makoto never struggled with the same issues.

He saved us all. He summoned the most incredible Persona any of us have seen, and he fought against Death itself with that power. Why should the lack of proper vision impair someone like that?

The others leave after a while, and Aigis is left alone with him once again. She steps forward and looks down upon him, unsure what she should be looking for. He looks even paler than before. His breaths seem just a little more shallow than before. When she inspects the heart monitor, she notices that his pulse is ever so slightly lower.

The day passes by slowly. Noon comes and goes, and then the sun begins to set. People come and go. Fuuka-san comes several times, but leaves swiftly each time. When Aigis asks her about this behavior, she shakes her head rapidly, causing her tears to fly to either side, before bolting from the scene with extreme haste.

She can sense things the others can't, some part of Aigis tells her, but she ignores this. Makoto-san will wake up. There is no reason to think otherwise.

Yukari-san appears and reappears frequently. That doesn't particularly surprise Aigis. “There's nothing to worry about, right, Aigis?” she asks, softly, her eyes never leaving Makoto.

“No,” Aigis says, insists, because there isn't anything to worry about. “I see no reason to believe that Makoto-san is in any danger.”

“Yeah. Yeah. Right. He'll be fine. He's always fine, eventually.” The breath she releases is harsh and choppy. “I know there's no reason to worry, but I can't stop coming back here. I can't stop thinking about him.”

“He will wake up,” Aigis says, though she has no way to know this.

“Okay. Okay. If you say so, it has to be true, right?”

“...Understood,” Aigis says, unsure what to make of that claim.

Yukari remains in the room for a long while then, until Mitsuru-san arrives and practically pulls her out of the room, telling her she needs to get some rest. “Let us know if anything changes,” Mitsuru tells Aigis again, and she nods her affirmation. She expects no changes soon.

Around midnight, everything changes.

The machines start to beep louder, the respirator starts to pump faster, an alarm sounds off. Aigis steps forward closer to Makoto, to see that his chest has stopped moving, that his breathing has stopped entirely, and this makes no sense, it does not align with any of what she knows about humans, and-

The door bursts open, and Aigis darts back a foot to allow the doctors to do their work. She wants to protect him, has to save him, but how? They know their work better than she possibly could. She does not understand the human body, cannot understand it. She watches unblinkingly as they dart around the room, begin performing chest compresssions, shout commands to one another. Aigis loses track of all that's happening, everything settling into a blur. She realizes after a moment that she has become blinded by tears.

And then they pull off the mask and turn off the machines, disable the alarms, and pull the sheets over his face, and these are all actions that would be taken upon calling the time of death, and that makes no sense, because Makoto cannot be dead, would not allow himself to die, cannot-

A hand takes Aigis by the arm, and she allows herself to be dragged from the room, her eyes never leaving the bed, her face streaked with tears. And then she's sitting on a chair outside the room, feeling cold and uncertain and frightened, and a thousand other emotions she's never had to feel before. The nurse is explaining something, but Aigis can't hear any of it. She just nods, staring ahead and hoping that this is nothing more than a nightmare.

Kotone

All of them sit in the lounge, saying nothing.

It's nearing midnight, but they're used to staying up this late. They used to do it every night, to fight in Tartarus during the Dark Hour. There's no real reason to do it tonight, but they do anyway. None of them want to sleep. None of them really can sleep.

We were pulled into the Velvet Room, and Igor offered us the Universe arcana, and he said there would be a price to pay, but he never said it would be death. That was just what I thought. It doesn't have to be true. Aigis is right, his vital signs are stable, and there's no reason to suspect he's going to die. He wouldn't die on me. He wouldn't.

Kotone distracts herself from her thoughts by looking at the others. Mitsuru paces back and forth by the front counter, occasionally pulling out her phone and checking it impatiently for texts and calls that haven't arrived yet. Akihiko leans against the wall, messing with his boxing gloves. Ken sits with Koromaru on the floor, the two of them leaning on one another for comfort. Fuuka looks smaller than ever, curled up on the couch. Junpei's eyes dart around the room at a rapid pace.

And, well, Yukari looks like she's on the verge of an anxiety attack, and Kotone can't really blame her for that. There's nothing any of them can do. They just have to sit here and wait.

Mitsuru's phone finally rings a little after midnight. She answers it immediately, practically shouts at the poor person on the other end. The voice says something in return, something Kotone is too far away to hear. And then Mitsuru's arm falls to her side, and she slides to the ground, crouching on the floor and burying her head in her knees, and something like a sob escapes from her.

“M-Mitsuru?” Kotone manages.

Only then does Mitsuru seem to recall that she's not alone here. She looks up, and her teary eyes dart from one person to the next. Then she stands and rushes towards the door, mumbling, “I have to go.”

She disappears outside.

“She left her phone,” Junpei says.

Kotone stands and grabs it off the floor. The person on the line is trying to get Mitsuru's attention back. “What the hell happened?” Kotone demands.

“Who is this?”

“I'm Kotone Yuki, Makoto Yuki's sister. Tell me what the hell happened!”

The voice hesitates, then sighs. “I'm so sorry, Yuki-san... Your brother just passed away.”

Everything in her goes cold. The blood drains, and the strength leaves her arm. The phone slips from her fingers and falls to the ground.

“Kotone?” a voice says. She has no idea who it belongs to.

Stumbling, Kotone gets back to the armchair and falls into it, staring ahead and trying hard not to let her breathing get too intense. It's easier said than done. She feels like she could have a heart attack right now. Honestly, this is worse than every single panic attack she's had in her entire life.

“Kotone.” She turns her head to see Yukari staring at her, wide-eyed. Her voice comes out more like a hiss than anything else. “What did they say?”

“H-he...” Her voice chokes up, and she has to swallow hard just to make her throat usable again. “He's... gone. Makoto's dead.”

She doesn't actually see any of the reactions to that news. Saying it aloud makes it true. Instantly, she falls into herself, curling up into a ball on this chair and sobbing into her knees.

Her stupor is only interrupted when she hears a violent crashing sound, and when she looks up she sees that Akihiko has punched a hole in the wall. He pulls his fist out, inspects the damages, then scowls and stomps off.

It's only then that she sees the others. Fuuka is in pretty much the same state as Kotone, sobbing in the fetal position. Junpei has gone completely pale and stiff, looking quite a bit like a corpse himself. Ken is clutching Koromaru tightly, crying softly into his fur. And Yukari is holding onto the couch with such intensity that the fabric might just rip, her eyes wide and bloodshot and her jaw quivering.

It's too much. It's way, way too much, and she can't breathe anymore. Her sobs cut through her body like a thousand knives, and she hasn't ever felt this helpless and alone and scared in her entire life, even when she stood at death's door herself. Because never, never did she think she would have to be without Makoto, without her twin, her other half, the most dear person in her life.

And he knew, she finds herself thinking, recalling all the times in the last month that he assured them that he was fine, when really he was dying, falling apart bit by bit, all while they just remained stupid and ignorant, blissfully unaware of the enormity of the price he had paid for their safety.

The dam of emotions breaks for Yukari all at once. Kotone looks up carefully as she hears her friend suddenly break into a series of full-body sobs, collapsing into herself and crying into her hands. And that's the end of Kotone's strength, too. The tears burn through her eyes like acid, her body giving way to hiccoughing sobs. It feels like her whole body is being crushed.

She has absolutely no idea how long she stays there. It doesn't matter. Her brother's dead. There's no point in bothering anymore.

Junpei

He honestly has no idea what to do.

Yukari and Kotone both stumbled up to their rooms a little before sunrise, but Fuuka's still down here, still lying in the place on the couch Makoto used to lay on, still holding her head in her hands and trembling. Ken fell asleep not too long ago, having finally cried enough for one night. Koromaru fell asleep with him, but even the dog looks unhappy.

Junpei hasn't cried. He hasn't moved a muscle. He's been staring ahead at a spot on the wall for the past... what, seven hours? Longer? He has no idea. He feels frozen in place, unable to move or talk or even really think.

Makoto's dead. One of his closest friends, his best friend's boyfriend, his other best friend's twin. The guy who could fight like no one else. The guy he'd been so jealous of for so long.

He wonders, somewhere in his heart, whether he would've been jealous back then if he'd known what was gonna happen.

Because all the strength and power in the world is f*cking worthless if you've gotta die when it's all done, and Makoto should have been able to do all this without dying, because he's the strongest goddamn person on the planet, and there's no way a guy like that should just keel over and die in the end.

The hero ain't supposed to die, and no one could deny that Makoto was the hero. Not even Junpei, who had so desperately wanted that role for himself. This isn't how it's supposed to end. Makoto was supposed to walk into the sunset, wasn't he? That smile he'd worn more and more throughout the year was supposed to become permanent. The world was supposed to be saved, and it was, he guesses, but what does it matter? What good is the world if someone like Makoto Yuki won't get to see it?

He finds himself thinking of the night Chidori died, when he'd looked in desperation to Makoto for help, thinking there was nothing that guy couldn't do. Yesterday, when he'd visited the hospital, he caught himself doing the same thing: looking to Makoto for help. But Makoto couldn't help, because Makoto was the one in trouble. And none of them could do a damn thing.

What the hell did he even do to stop the Fall? All Junpei remembers is that Persona, that glittering gold statue of a Persona. He remembers Makoto screaming out “Messiah!” with all his might, his voice reaching a volume Junpei honestly hadn't thought possible of him. And then he'd floated up to face Nyx directly, and they'd all felt like he was never gonna come back, and then he did, but-

But was it even real? Was he even really here this past month? He'd been dead on his feet the whole time, barely able to get himself out of bed. And they'd all been concerned, yeah, but none of them could have guessed what was really happening.

The door opens a little while later, maybe around 10:00. Mitsuru and Aigis walk in together. Aigis' eyes aren't red, probably can't turn red, but the tears are obvious on her face. She gives one look at the lounge and then races towards the steps as fast as her limbs will take her. She disappears up them in a flash.

Mitsuru sighs, and Junpei realizes that he's never seen her look this bad, even when her own father died. Her face is caked with sweat and ruined makeup. There are tear tracks all along her cheeks, and her eyes are red and puffy. Her hair is matted and tangled, and her arms are trembling. She lowers herself onto the armchair Kotone had been sitting in last night, her legs getting weaker by the moment.

“Where are Kotone and Yukari?” she asks softly.

Junpei considers leaving these questions for Fuuka, but she's in no condition to talk. He doesn't really feel like it, either, but someone's gotta do it. “They went to their rooms,” he says, and it feels like he hasn't said a word in a hundred years. His throat feels scratchy.

Mitsuru sighs. “I... I don't know what to do, Junpei.”

“Me either. Man, I just...”

“The hospital is looking to me for all the paperwork, since the Kirijo Group technically adopted him, but his next of kin is required to sign off, and I don't know when Kotone will be able to, and-” She cuts herself off with a choking sob, planting her head in her hands. “I never thought...”

Junpei has to hold back his own tears. Now that he's seeing someone like Mitsuru falling apart, it's harder to keep his own grief in check. “None of us did.”

She shakes her head. “There will need to be a funeral. But... we can't tell anyone what really happened, and that is so terribly unfair. He gave his life for this world, and it will never know.”

“Well... we know, right?”

“Perhaps. But we didn't remember until it was too late. He spent that month alone, even when we were all here. He remembered, I am certain of it.”

Man, Junpei hadn't even considered that. He figured Makoto had some idea of his own impending death, but... yeah, come to think of it, he probably did remember everything. Meanwhile they'd all sat in their ignorance, thinking he was just regular sick, when he was dying, and-

There's just no way to stop himself from crying at that point.

Chapter 2: Future Bird

Chapter Text

Yukari

The darkness swallows her up.

She doesn't bother to turn the lights on. She doesn't really want to see anything right now. Or hear anything. Or, well, do anything. She flops into bed and shoves her face into the pillow and tries not to think, and fails.

A thousand emotions are running through her one moment, and then none the next. It feels like she's going through phases of intense passion followed by a void, a cold apathy that does nothing to soothe her frayed nerves and restless limbs. It's hard to tell which is worse.

She hates being in her room, but she can't go to... his. It's too much to think about, too much to even consider. The idea of going in there and knowing that it has no occupant anymore, that he'll never go back there, that she'll never lay in that bed with him and hold him tight and-

Every time I held him, it felt like he was going to disappear, and then he did, and why the hell did I have to be right? I'm never right. I...

No matter how she tries to rationalize the thoughts, no matter how she tries to make sense of this whole situation, those six words fall upon her like cold water:

YOU WILL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN

The tears come in waves. First a waterfall, and then she goes dry and finds herself unable to do more than heave out dry sobs into her sheets. After a long while of this, she feels numb again. Her heart goes cold, her eyes go dry, the blood drains from her face.

With a shaking hand, she lifts her phone, and sees some missed texts and calls. Junpei assuring her he's here for her. Mitsuru asking if she wants to talk. And...

...and her mom, who called and texted about a dozen times in the last ten hours. Right. Yeah. I was supposed to meet her soon. She wanted to schedule it. But Yukari had wanted him to come with her, had needed him nearby so she wouldn't lose her temper and say things she would regret. He was always a comforting presence in her life, and now he's gone and-

She ignores the texts and the calls, dismissing them one after another and deleting the voicemails. She flips her phone shut and tosses it aside again, disinterested.

A knock at her door wakes her, later. She has no idea how long it's been. Is it still the seventh? Or maybe the world really did end on the thirty-first of January, and this is just what the world ending feels like.

She says nothing, but the door opens anyway. Yukari forces herself to look up enough to see Fuuka, standing there with her hands folded over her chest, looking pale and disheveled, her eyes bright red. “Um... Yukari... Do you want something to eat?”

I'll never eat his cooking again. She just barely manages to hold back a sob at that thought. “No,” she says, petulant and dismissive, but she can't stand to say anything more.

“O-okay... We ordered takeout, if you change your mind. We'll save some for you. P-please... come down at some point, okay?”

Yukari says nothing to that.

She detests lying in bed alone. She'd been alone her entire life, and thought it was fine. But then he had come along, and she'd realized how warm life could be with someone else, how unbelievably fulfilling it was to share your existence with someone who really understands you. How even something as stupid as sharing a cramped twin bed could feel like paradise. Honestly, she could have laid in that bed with him for eternity and never been sad again.

And now I'll never see him again.

She doesn't really remember what it was like when her dad died. She'd only been seven, then, and the news had broken a hole in her heart that she really wasn't able to fill. Looking back on that time wasn't really something she did. All she really remembers is being confused, and scared, and alone. She has a vague memory of the funeral. And then it was just the aftermath, the separation from her mom, the increasing distance from the event that only ever made it all the harder to bear.

She wonders if that's what this will be like, too, and somehow she thinks it'll be worse. Her heart was tied irrevocably to his, and the idea of losing that bond was something she just couldn't handle. She'd never really thought of the future when she was younger. It was only in the past few months that she'd really started to imagine what growing up would look like, and all of her fantasies involved him.

Much later, there's another knock at the door, and yet again the caller opens it without waiting for her response. She turns her head slightly, and recognizes Mitsuru walking in. “Yukari, you need to get up. You need to eat something.”

“Don't wanna.”

“This... This isn't going to change anything.”

“Doesn't matter.”

Mitsuru sighs. “Please, Yukari. He wouldn't have wanted you to do this.”

Yukari's eyes narrow coldly. “Don't act like you knew him.”

Past tense. Everything I say about him has to be past tense now, because there is no present for him, and no future, and that's just too much...

A moment of silence passes, as Yukari curls up just a little more into herself. Then Mitsuru sighs once more, and reaches out a hand to touch her gently on the shoulder. “T-tomorrow... That's when they're going to... cremate him.” Neither of them looks at the other. “The doctors wanted to do an autopsy, but... I think it's wise if they don't. We know they won't find a cause of death. The last thing we want is for him to become a medical mystery.”

There can't be a cause of death because this makes no sense, because Nyx must have pulled some bullsh*t on us, some kind of trick to mess with us even after he defeated her, because he would never have allowed himself to die, because he was stronger than any of us, and there's no reason he should have to be gone when none of us are.

“So... If you want to see him... It has to be tomorrow morning.”

Yukari straightens slightly, her eyes going wide. “S-see him?”

“Before...”

Before they burn the person I love more than anything into a pile of ashes and toss him in an urn like he's nothing. “I...”

“Yukari... You should see him. If you don't, you'll regret it.”

She's right, and Yukari knows it. She wasn't there when he lost consciousness, and she wasn't there when the doctors called the time of death, and if she skips this she'll have missed all of it. She can't hide from herself forever. Despite everything, that's not what he would have wanted. She owes it to him to at least see him off properly.

Because I wasn't there for him when he needed me most, and all he could do was sit and wait and hope that we remembered in time, but we didn't, and now he's gone and there's nothing any of us can do, and-

“Breathe, Yukari,” Mitsuru says, so softly. “I... need to speak to Kotone. She needs to be there, too. Just, please, don't miss this. Please come tomorrow.”

She manages a weak nod, and commits herself to it.

-

It takes an enormous amount of strength to get out of bed the next day.

Dressing is even more challenging. She doesn't know what the dress code for this sort of thing is, so she just wears the darkest colors she has. They're not particularly dark. Her color pallet has always been bright, mostly pink. And didn't we look so good together? Blue and pink, such a cute couple, but now he has no colors, because he's gone, and there's...

She sighs, and forces herself out of the room.

She hasn't eaten in days, but her stomach doesn't even rumble. She doesn't want to eat, not if it's not his cooking. The idea of tossing fast food takeout trash down her throat is insulting. She heads down to the lounge and sits there, staring ahead at the wall and trying to stop herself from sobbing.

Her eyes fall on the spot where Akihiko had put his fist through the wall. She hadn't even thought these walls were thin enough to do that, but there it is. She couldn't really understand that reaction. Her instant impulse upon hearing the news was to curl up into a ball and die. She doesn't have any rage left. She can just barely find the energy to still exist.

Kotone comes down not long after her, and the two of them share a moment of painful eye contact. More than anyone, the two of them understand one another. He was her twin, her rock, her everything. He was Yukari's light, her hope, her everything. Neither of them had ever envisioned a life without him in it.

Some part of her expects Aigis to come down, but she doesn't. That annoys her more than she can say. She had to have remembered, right? There's no way her memory could have been wiped. But she wasn't here. She wasn't with him. She abandoned him, and for what? And then she was the one who got to be with him in the end, the one to hold him, the only one to hear his last words. And then she abandons him again, now. Some protector she is.

The drive to the hospital is cold and awkward. Kotone, Mitsuru, and Yukari say nothing to one another, looking out the windows. Yukari finds herself hating every sight. Every place she used to go has a memory with him. Even stupid things like street corners and bus stops remind her of him, in weird and esoteric ways.

She wonders if she'll have to move out of this city. Honestly, she never really thought much of it either way. It was nice enough, a decent place, but... It's not like she really had any true attachment to it. The only reason she planned to stay was because he planned to stay, at least until Kotone was ready for a bit of distance in their life.

And now there's more distance between them than she ever could have possibly wanted, and sooner, too, and she's got to be falling apart but she's just like him and she's not gonna say anything and I need to help her but I can't even help myself and-

“Yukari,” Mitsuru says, softly. “We're here.”

She steps out of the car in a trance, walking up to the hospital alongside her friends, wondering if this was a terrible idea. Her legs feel week, and her heart is thundering in her chest. God, just the idea of this is horrifying.

He's still in the same room as before, probably thanks to Mitsuru. Yukari doesn't know what the usual procedure for this is, but she doubts people are just left in their rooms after passing. Still, she appreciates the gesture. At least now she won't have to be in a cold morgue or something.

The sheets are pulled up above the form in the bed, but she can see the shape. Kotone closes her eyes tight and looks away briefly, while Yukari stares dead ahead and Mitsuru stands aside, giving them space.

“When you're ready,” she says, softly.

Yukari draws in a tight breath. “C-could... Could you...?”

Mitsuru studies her for a moment, then nods and walks over to the bed carefully. Her hands are shaking as she takes hold of the sheets. “Are you ready?” she asks.

“I...” Yukari looks at Kotone, who nods solemnly. “Y-yeah.”

Despite saying so, Yukari flinches away and squeezes her eyes shut the instant Mitsuru pulls at the sheet, like she's just been presented with a huge spider. She hears Kotone choke back something and turn away. That's not a good sign. Then again, what could they possibly see here that could be called good?

With a great effort, Yukari manages to look, and instantly she bursts into tears. Because lying there in that bed isn't the guy she loves with all her heart, not really. His skin is milky white, and his lips are chapped, and he's so still. His hair is a darker, duller blue, nothing like the vibrant cobalt it had been before. He looks nothing like himself, nothing like the person she would have done anything for.

He isn't Makoto Yuki.

And yet, he is. This is Makoto, this is her most treasured person, the one person in her entire life who ever really understood her, who she never had to put a mask on in front of, the one person with whom she could talk without feeling like she was reading from a script.

She glances at Kotone, but she's in no shape to do anything yet. Yukari really doesn't feel up to it, either, but she's going to lose her nerve if she doesn't step forward now. With trembling legs she walks up to his side, kneeling down by his bed and reaching out shaking hands to clutch at his. He doesn't squeeze back. He would always squeeze back.

“I...” she says, her voice splintering. “Makoto, I...”

What the hell should she even say here? What is the right thing to say? She'd never, never worried about her words with him before. Every time she talked to him, it had just felt right. And yet, now, she's speechless. She's cold and tired and he's dead and there's nothing she can say to make this better-

“Yukari,” Mitsuru says, softly. “Breathe.”

Okay. Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Maybe he should take that advice, and start breathing again. Stopping hasn't done him any favors. He'd be a nicer color if he'd get some air in. She lets out the weirdest laugh, almost entirely obscured by a shuddering sob. “Guess you're not the prettiest person in the dorm anymore, huh?” she whispers. Why a stupid joke came to mind, she has no idea.

It's suddenly too much, and she darts back, hugging herself. She retreats to the spot near the door where Kotone's lingering. Kotone only manages to find the strength to step forward then, her eyes scanning over his unmoving form carefully. She's not crying, but her lip is quivering, and her eyes are scrunching up like she's trying to hold back the tears.

“Hey,” she says, hoarsely. “You're a real bastard, y'know that?” She leans down next to him and stares him in the face. “We came into this world together. We were supposed to leave it together, too. You weren't supposed to go without me. Or before me.” She reaches out with trembling fingers and laces them through his. “Mitsuru?”

“Yes?”

“His life was what we traded for the safety of the world, right?”

Mitsuru sighs, breaking eye contact. “It seems so, yes.”

Kotone remains silent for a long while, staring down at her brother's cold face. His eyes are closed, and yet Yukari can almost feel them.

“It wasn't worth it,” Kotone says at last.

-

Kotone kicks Yukari and Mitsuru out after a little while so she can change him out of his hospital gown and into something more him. If he's gotta go to the afterlife, he should go comfortable. Yukari tries to think what comfortable would mean. For her, it was sleeping on his chest, holding him close. She wonders if they both would have been more comfortable in death if they'd gone together. Maybe it would have been better that way.

Sometimes she finds herself thinking back to how she felt when she had her panic attack in December. She'd felt like there was no point in carrying on, no point in living anymore. It feels that way sometimes now, too. After all, it wasn't some sort of miraculous revelation that convinced her to carry on, it was Makoto. And now he's gone. She'd just found him, just found the greatest joy of her life, and now he's gone, and it's hard to convince herself that her life didn't end with his.

They return to the dorm quickly after that. No words are said once again. Yukari just wants to return to her room and sleep, and maybe never wake up again. Or maybe wake up and have it be the fifth again, and see Makoto alive and well and not falling apart at the seams, so she can just wave this off as a dumb nightmare and appreciate him all the more. If this is the universe's way of teaching her not to take him for granted, she's more than learned her lesson. It can send her back to reality, now.

But it won't, because this is reality.

When they get back to the dorm, she rushes upstairs as fast as her weak legs can take her. When she heads towards her door, though, she hesitates outside another one. After a moment's consideration, she knocks on Aigis' door.

At first, there's no response. Then a weak “Come in.”

She opens the door and finds the android sitting on the floor, clutching at her legs. She's in the fetal position, and there are tears streaming down her cheeks, and that annoys Yukari for reasons she isn't even entirely sure she understands. “Yukari-san?” she says.

“I... need to ask you something.”

“...What is it?”

“Aigis... What were his last words?”

Her eyes widen even so slightly, and then she breaks eye contact, looking down at the floor, at the piles of ammunition surrounding her. “He brushed the tears from my eyes,” Aigis says, after a long moment. “And then he told me, 'It'll be okay.'”

“...That's all?”

Aigis nods solemnly. “That's all.”

Yukari swallows. “Okay.” With that, she turns and leaves the room.

Junpei

He leaves the dorm on the ninth.

The past two days have been a blur. He has no idea if he's processed anything that's happened, or if he's just completely numb, or what. All he knows is that he has to get out of this place.

Before he leaves, he knocks gently on Yukari's door and tells her that he'll come running if she needs anything, so she shouldn't hesitate to text. He gets no response. He does the same thing for Kotone. He gets no response there, either. It doesn't surprise him, but he keeps his phone handy regardless.

He has no idea where he's even going, only that he needs to get out of the dorm. Eventually, he decides on the shrine. This is where the funeral will be, not long from now. Mitsuru's fast tracking the thing, probably because she doesn't have it in her to deal with this, either. Junpei volunteered to help, but there's not really anything he can do. He wasn't made for that kind of thing.

He's not really the type to pray, either, but this seems like the right occasion. He kneels before the offertory box and thinks of his friend. Man, I wish I hadn't been such a dick to you back at the start, Junpei thinks. You saved us all, and you did it with a damn smile on your face. How the hell did you do that? Not only when you floated up to Nyx, but on the roof.

That's been weighing on his mind a lot lately. Makoto Yuki pretty much died twice, and he was smiling both times. What the hell was his deal?

I shoulda gotten to know you better. I should've been a better friend. f*ck, I should've done so many things differently. But... I dunno, maybe I can make things right now. You left a lot behind, man. I'll do what I can to settle sh*t for you. I won't let Yukari or Kotone fall apart. It's the least I can do.

The others are lost in their own emotions, but Junpei really isn't sure what he's feeling. It's not really numbness, or acceptance, or indifference. It's something else, something he doesn't understand. What he does understand, though, is the fact that it puts him in the unique position of being able to look at this without being overcome by feelings. He can use that to help the others, he thinks. He can at least be somewhat useful here.

He can't really think of anything else to say, so he gives his last thanks to his friend, makes an offer, claps twice, bows, and turns away.

He's just about down the steps when he hears his name called out. When he turns, he sees a crowd of people rushing up to him, and his heart drops a bit. sh*t, this really isn't what I need right now.

It's the usual bunch: Kenji, Kaz, Yuko, and Rio. They're all in various states of agony, by the looks of it. Kenji looks more baffled than Junpei's ever seen him before, even during exam time. Kaz looks furious. Yuko looks like she's been crying her eyes out constantly, like she might burst into tears right here. And Rio... Rio looks paler than ever. Did she even really know Makoto?

“Junpei,” Kenji says, since he's apparently the spokesman for this little crew.

“Uh, hey guys,” Junpei says, awkwardly.

“Don't give us that sh*t,” Kaz grunts. “What the hell happened!?”

Junpei looks at the ground. “Guess you guys heard, huh?”

“Of course we heard!” Yuko screeches.

“Just tell us what happened,” Kenji insists.

“Look,” Junpei says, still averting his gaze. He can't stand to look at anyone right now. So much for not being overwhelmed by emotions, huh? “Honestly, we're just as confused about this as you guys are. The... The doctors didn't find a cause of death. It was apparently just, like, exhaustion.”

“That's bullsh*t!” Kaz growls. “Makoto was tough as nails! He'd never keel over from exhaustion.”

“I'm just tellin' you what they told me. I don't know anything more than that.”

Yuko shakes her head. “I... It can't...”

She still in denial? He supposes he can't blame her. There's a part of him that refuses to believe it, too. But it's obvious in everything. The daily routine's been upended entirely.

“Um, Iori...?” Rio says, meekly.

He looks her in the eyes. It's weird, but she's soft and sweet enough that he can't really avert his gaze from her. “Yeah, Rio-chan?”

“H-how... How's Kotone doing?”

He sighs wearily. “Not good. I mean, how could she be good right now? Her twin's dead.”

Saying it so bluntly make Yuko burst into tears again, and Kaz attempts to comfort her. Kenji shakes his head. “f*ck, man. I knew he was kinda sick lately, and he looked really tired, but...”

But you didn't know he was fighting an actual god, that he was giving up his life for us ungrateful sh*ts. “It caught us all off guard, man. The dorm's really messed up right now. None of us were ready for something like this. Dunno how long it's gonna take for us to come to terms with it.”

If we ever do. He's not dumb enough to think this is something Kotone can just shake off. But it's not just her. Yukari had fallen hard for Makoto, so hard that Junpei was honestly convinced the two of them would be the rare breed of high school sweethearts that actually go all the way to marriage and children, the whole nine yards. And now that's just not in the cards for them, and man if that isn't f*cking brutal to think about.

It's all the worse since he knows Yukari. She was the first and only real friend he'd made in this stupid city, and he knew she'd been determined to live her life alone. When she asked Makoto out, he'd almost thought she was just trying to win a bet or something. And then, suddenly, they were sleeping together, both figuratively and literally, they were inseparable, they were in love, and now he's been ripped away from her, and...

God, is she really ever gonna be okay?

“J-just...” Rio manages, her voice thin and frail. “Let Kotone know that I'm thinking about her, okay? If she needs anything...”

“Yeah, I'll let her know. And thanks, Rio-chan. For offering. She probably won't appreciate it right now, so I want you to know it's a good thing.”

Kenji sighs, watching Kaz and Yuko. “We should probably help out,” he mutters. “Junpei, let me know if you hear anything else, okay? I dunno, maybe they'll figure something out. Just... keep me updated, okay? And...” He hesitates, looking away a bit. “Make sure we all hear about the... the funeral.”

“Yeah,” Junpei manages, also averting his gaze. “I'll make sure you guys know. It, uh, might be kinda soon. Just a heads up.”

“We'll be there,” Kenji insists. “All of us. Doesn't matter when it is. Just let us know.”

He watches the four of them go, unsure where they're even heading. Junpei doesn't even really know where he's going, not until his stomach rumbles. After a moment's deliberation, he decides to go to Hagakure. It's a place he associates with Makoto, a place he has lots of memories in with the guy. On the one hand, that's kind of a bad thing. On the other, though, he thinks it's at least somewhat of a tribute to his friend. After all, Makoto could crush three of the specials in one sitting, without any complaints.

Apparently Makoto's legend is real, since even Hagakure seems to be in mourning. He asks the guy behind the counter about it, and he just shrugs and says, “A real good guy passed away. Loyal customer, too.” That's all the explanation he gets, but it feels apt. It's kinda nice to know that Makoto was known for more than just fighting Shadows. He was so much more than that.

He orders the special, and eats it slowly, really relishing the taste. He wonders what Makoto actually thought of this food. Weirdly, they'd never actually talked about it. Makoto ate a lot, cooked a lot, but what were his favorite foods? He wonders if Kotone or Yukari knows.

“Um... 'scuse me?” He turns to see a chubby guy standing next to him. “Are you Junpei Iori?”

Junpei raises an eyebrow. “Who's asking?”

“That's a yes, then.” The guy sits down next to him at the counter. “I'm Nozomi Suemitsu.”

“Oh. The Gourmet King. Yeah, I've heard of you.”

He nods. “Could we speak in private, please?”

Junpei hadn't really been expecting this, if he's being honest, but whatever. “Alright. Just lemme finish this bowl.”

Once he's done, the two of them head back out to the strip mall. It's near spring now, and the world is warming up. Wish Makoto could've seen the world he saved, Junpei thinks, not for the first time, and not for the last.

“So, what's up?”

“Well... It's about...”

“Yeah, Makoto. Look, we don't know what happened. Wish we did. The doctors just say it was exhaustion, but-”

“Was it Nyx?”

Junpei starts. Did Makoto actually trust this guy, of all people, with the truth? There's no way, right? He just stares, not saying anything one way or the other.

Nozomi must think he thinks he's crazy, so he looks away and starts sputtering out an explanation. “It's just... the cult, the one that was spreading word of Nyx... It disappeared on the first of February, and that's the day Makoto first became sick. I remember, he didn't come to school that day. And then he was sick for the whole month, and then...” He shakes his head. “I don't know what the connection would be, but...”

“Wait, wait, what do you know about the cult?”

“I...” Nozomi hesitates, then sighs. “I was part of it. And I tried to get Makoto to join.”

“You-” Junpei finds himself baffled. He hadn't actually met anyone who joined that stupid cult. He'd thought it was just loners and losers in the city, people who convinced themselves they had nothing to live for. The fact that one of Makoto's friends had been part of it, had tried to recruit him...

“So you called for Nyx, huh?” Junpei says, coldly.

“I... I wanted salvation.”

“Yeah? Salvation, huh?” Junpei considers this for a moment, then shakes his head bitterly. “You wanna know the truth? The full, honest truth? Nyx was real. Is real. And you and your band of lunatics successfully called her down here, successfully got her to descend to end the stupid world.”

Nozomi looks at him, wide-eyed. “Then why-?”

“Because Makoto, who was way too kind to your sorry ass, died to stop it. He gave up everything to prevent this sh*tty planet from ending.”

“He... what?”

“You heard me. God, you piss me off. You f*ckers killed him. Hope you remember that.” Unable to contain his rage, yet unwilling to throw a punch, Junpei turns and stalks off.

“What-” Nozomi calls out, and Junpei halts. “What should I do, then?”

“Live your damn life, asshole. Makoto valued your life more than you ever did. So stop being a f*cking ingrate and appreciate the gift he gave you.”

With that, he leaves.

Kotone

Fuuka finds her on her knees in the kitchen, crying.

“K-Kotone?” she sputters, rushing forward and kneeling down by her.

Kotone looks up, smiling and sobbing and laughing all at once. “It's really funny, Fuuka,” she says. “I went to make coffee, and I used the same amount of water I always do, the same amount I've used since the first day I moved into the dorm, and then I realized that I should be using half as much. Because Makoto always has a cup, too, so I make enough for him, but now-”

She falls apart into a crying fit, and Fuuka embraces her tightly, and she really doesn't feel any better. The only hugs that ever made her feel better were Makoto's.

Trying to go back to the old routine was an even worse idea than just sitting in her room and moping. It's not the big things that really get you in times like this; it's the little things that add up over time, jabbing at you over and over again. All it takes is something stupid and simple like making coffee in the morning to remind you that something vital in your life is now gone, and you'll never get it back, and-

Maybe she shouldn't have gone to the hospital on the eighth. It was a terrible idea, because now she's confirmed the truth with her own eyes, and she's looked at her brother's corpse and made it real. And whether she'd wanted to admit it or not, he's dead, and there's nothing she can do about it.

And now even his body's gone. It's been cremated, and now it's just a clump of ashes in an urn, being kept in the care of the Kirijo Group until it's time for his funeral. And, god, they shouldn't have to have a f*cking funeral for him because he was only seventeen, and he was so goddamn strong, and he was her twin and now she's alone and-

She leans her head back against the cabinets and lets Fuuka hold her, indifferent to all of it. Why the hell did she even get out of bed today? What was the point? She should've just stayed there and melted into the sheets and disappeared. She was never meant to exist without him. She knows that, and now he's left her behind, and there's just no getting past that.

At least Fuuka doesn't say something stupid like “It's going to be okay.” Fuuka's well aware that it's not going to be okay. No one has tried to give her that sh*t, and she's glad for it, at least. Lies are the last thing she needs right now. She needs to wallow in the despair that is the truth, to slip into it and let the coldness of it consume her.

“Would you like me to cook you something, Kotone?” Fuuka asks, softly.

“No,” she says, immediately. She's not hungry.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“I don't know.”

Fuuka sighs and releases her grip. Even with the sensation gone, Kotone feels nothing. “I'm going to make you something.”

It's not a question this time, so Kotone doesn't answer. A few minutes later, she has a few rice balls. It's the only thing Fuuka was ever really able to make on her own. And now there's no one to help her, since Shinji's in the hospital and Makoto's about to be in the f*cking ground and-

Kotone sighs, and eats, and feels nothing.

-

She leaves the dorm on the tenth, when the incessant knocking and texting finally gets on her nerves.

The others keep saying things like “We're here for you,” or “You can talk to us if you need to,” and she's just so sick of it. What the hell good does them being there for her do? What's the point in talking this out? It's not gonna make anything better, and they all know it.

Yukari's got the right idea. She's had her phone turned off and her door locked for two days now. If she's even leaving for food or to use the bathroom, it's not when anyone else is around. Aigis is doing pretty much the same. Kotone tried it, but the others seem even more worried about her than them, which figures.

She needs to be alone. Well, really, she needs to be with Makoto, in whatever capacity that might be, but he can't come back to life and she can't kill herself, not if she wants to face him in the afterlife. He'd never forgive her for that. Not that it really matters. She hasn't forgiven him for this, for leaving her, for dying like the selfish bastard he is.

She gets to the shrine eventually and plops down on Akinari's bench. It feels wrong, sitting here alone. For a year, she'd sat in this exact spot on most Sundays and talked things out with Akinari, helped him come to terms with his own death. She wonders if Makoto felt the same way Akinari did.

It was probably worse, honestly, because Makoto was dying and he couldn't tell anyone, and god that just had to have been the most painful experience of his life, and it's all their fault and-

“Onechan!”

She looks up, startled, and sees Maiko running towards her. Shell-shocked, she just sits there, unable to react in any meaningful way.

“You remembered!”

“Uh...”

“Today's the day I move! I'm glad you came!” Maiko's face falls, looking around. “Where's oniichan?”

Kotone's eyes go wide, and she realizes that apparently the news hasn't quite spread across the entire island yet. She can see something like fear forming in the child's eyes as they stare into one another.

“Um... You should sit down, imoto,” Kotone manages after a moment. Her throat still feels constricted, her every word having to squeeze through the narrowest of gaps.

Maiko does as she's bid, but uncertainly. “What's going on, onechan?”

Kotone swallows. “Makoto... can't come see you today.”

“He said he might be busy,” Maiko says, disappointed. “Is he busy?”

That's the excuse he used? He couldn't exactly tell a child the truth, she supposes, but... “Listen, imoto... the thing is, Makoto...” She breaks eye contact, looking at the playground. “Makoto passed away.”

The silence that hangs over them is suffocating, but Kotone can't bring herself to break it. She doesn't look at Maiko. She can't handle that right now.

“A-are you okay, onechan?”

That wasn't the question she'd expected, but god if it isn't like hearing Makoto's voice through this child. He'd been such a good influence on her this past year, helping her so much with her domestic situation, showing her kindness and selflessness and-

“Onechan?”

Kotone manages the weakest of smiles as she looks at Maiko again. “No, imoto. I'm not okay.”

Maiko has tears running down her face, now, so Kotone leans over and hugs her briefly. She still feels nothing from it, even in the arms of this sweet, innocent child. She wonders, somewhere deep in her heart, if she'll ever manage to really feel anything again. Or maybe Makoto took a part of her with him, into the next life, and she'll never get it back. Maybe she died, too, and she just hasn't realized it.

Maiko is called away soon after, and she rushes to her mother uncertainly. Kotone can just barely hear their conversation, as Maiko begs to delay their move by a few days so she can attend Makoto's funeral. Whether she succeeds in that or not remains to be seen, since Kotone is unable to hear them once they get in the car. She'll find out on the day of the funeral, she supposes.

With a heavy sigh, Kotone stands and leaves the shrine.

It's too warm today. It's too pretty. The world shouldn't be pretty right now. How dare it be so nice and beautiful and hospitable when Makoto isn't here to see it? How dare it spit in the face of the grieving? How dare it accept him as payment for the rest of us? We overpaid. We got f*cking ripped off.

A sudden burst of anger comes over her, and she finds herself stomping all the way to the station, and then all the way to Paulownia Mall from there. Her rage takes her all the way to the back alley, only to find that the door to the Velvet Room is gone.

Of course they'd just leave now, she thinks, furious. What, we did what we were meant to do, and now we're useless? They never cared at all, did they? She kinda suspected Igor was nothing more than a spectator, uncaring one way or the other, but she thought better of Elizabeth and Theodore. Elizabeth seemed so affectionate towards Makoto, but now he's dead and she just couldn't care less, huh?

And Theo... she'd thought Theo cared about her, and now she's suffering so goddamn much and he's just not here, she's alone, and-

Kotone shakes her head and turns away.

Aigis

She dreams about him every night.

He's always just a little too far away to touch. He never says anything. His back is turned, and after a moment, he always starts to walk away from her. “Come back!” she pleads, over and over again. “Please. Makoto-san! Please, don't go!” When that doesn't work, she gives in. “Take me with you! If you cannot stay, at least don't leave me behind! Makoto-san! Please!”

He never responds.

And then he disappears into the darkness, and Aigis is once again left alone, until her eyes blink open and she finds herself once more in her room, surrounded by ammunition and darkness, alone.

She hasn't left this room in days. Ever since she returned from the hospital, she's stayed in here. What is the point in leaving? Her only reason for existing was to protect Makoto-san, and he's gone, now, and she will never be able to fulfill her purpose or make good on her promise. It's pointless. She's pointless.

Junpei-san knocks on her door sometimes, telling her he'll talk with her if she wants, but she doesn't understand the value in this offer. Mitsuru-san says similar things, sometimes, and this is even more incomprehensible to Aigis. She needs to speak to Makoto, not them, but Makoto is dead, and there is no method by which she can speak to him again. He is gone, entirely, from her life and from the world.

So instead she sleeps. Frequently, constantly. It's not good, but it's better than being awake. If her choices are pain or numbness, she would sooner have numbness again. She would sooner be a machine.

Having a heart means nothing but pain, and she wants to be rid of it.

Chapter 3: Mile Zero

Chapter Text

Yukari

Way more people come to his funeral than she'd expected.

Seems like half the school is here, plus a bunch of others. The rival track team Gekkoukan placed second to in the meet is here to pay their respects to the guy who nearly beat them. The old couple that runs the bookstore in the strip mall both turn out. The lady cries openly, while the man tries to hide his sorrow a little bit, focusing instead on comforting his wife. The ever-shady President Tanaka shows up fashionably late, though Yukari swears she can see some tear lines on his face. Even the monk who presides over the service is a friend of Makoto's, and he keeps reaching into his pocket to draw out a handkerchief throughout his speech.

There's only a few people missing. Makoto had been friendly with the transfer student known to most as Bebe, but he'd moved back to France not long ago, and evidently wasn't able to come back for the service, since it was so hasty. Mamoru, the star runner of that rival track team, moved away not too long ago as well. The little girl from the shrine is missing, apparently having moved only a few days ago, much to her own displeasure. The Gourmet King had tried to come here, too, but Junpei chased him off, without explaining why.

The most notable absence, though, is Aigis. She'd refused to leave her room today. And god if that doesn't just piss Yukari off.

No one from SEES makes a public speech. Honestly, no one says much of anything in general. This was too sudden, too shocking, too.... well, too everything for anyone to be able to talk. All of his friends listen to the poor monk's speech, and then they silently begin to make their own prayers.

Yukari hangs back. She refuses to be rushed when she says her final words to him. Even if it's nothing more than whispered promises to a pile of ashes, she refuses to let it be meaningless.

Some of the others stay with her. Akihiko and Ken both head up to pay their respects immediately, and Fuuka is set upon by Keisuke almost instantly, but Mitsuru, Junpei, and Kotone remain with her. “Guess I didn't realize how many friends he had,” Junpei says, softly. It's kind of weird to see him in a suit. They'd all been fitted for proper funeral wear by the Kirijo Group beforehand.

I thought Makoto would look good in a suit, when we talking about getting married, but now-

“It took some effort to track them all down,” Mitsuru admits. “We extended invitations to those out of town, but they couldn't come for one reason or another.” She sighs. “Geraux in particular was distraught.”

Kotone nods. “Bebe was always pretty emotional.”

“He says he will knit a scarf and send it here.”

“A scarf?” Yukari asks. Her voice is always hoarse these days. She spends more time crying than anything else, after all.

Mitsuru shrugs. “It seems he remembers Ryoji, and that he and Makoto were friends. He is making a blue scarf to match the yellow one Ryoji wore. It's a nice gesture.”

Yeah, it is. It's just a shame Makoto can't wear it, just like Ryoji can't wear his. Come to think of it, Kotone hasn't worn that scarf in a little while. It's not as cold as it was, sure, but...

“I must ask, Junpei,” Mitsuru says, after a moment. “Why did you insist on preventing Suemitsu from attending?”

Instantly, Junpei's face goes dark. “He talked to me a couple days ago. He was part of the damn Nyx cult, the one Strega started. And he tried to recruit Makoto into it.”

Yukari feels a little lurch in her heart. She'd known a lot of people who were getting pulled into the cult, sure. There'd even been a girl from the archery club who got recruited. But... it was just so weird to think of someone close to Makoto as being so gullible.

“I dunno,” Junpei mutters, looking away. “He's apologetic and everything, I get that, but...” He scowls, nodding towards the urn that remains the center of attention. “Nyx came 'cuz they called for her, right? So they're the ones who killed him. I just don't think his killer should get to be at his funeral.”

None of them say anything to that. None of them are really sure what to say to that.

“Yuki,” a harsh voice says, suddenly, and their little group turns with a start to see Tanaka approaching them, his cronies behind him.

Kotone nods to him. “Thanks for coming, Tanaka.”

Her rudeness is ignored. Apparently her delinquency charmed even this guy. “What was the cause of death?” he demands, coarsely. “The boy was perfectly healthy only two months ago. What sort of disease was it that caused this? Tell me.”

Kotone just smiles wearily. “The doctors don't know. They said it was exhaustion.”

“Exhaustion? That's absurd! A kid like him, keeling over because he's sleepy?” He shakes his head. “No, I don't believe that. You should have told me that the Kirijo Group doctors were so incompetent. I could have had an autopsy performed by the finest physicians in the world.”

“Thanks for your offer,” Kotone says, before Mitsuru can step in. “It's too late now, though. If you'd like to pay your respects, though...”

“Huh? Oh, yes...” Tanaka grumbles as he leaves them.

“That was rude of him.” Mitsuru mutters.

Kotone shrugs. “He's kinder than he lets on. He probably wanted to know what disease it was so he could donate a couple million yen to a charity fighting it.”

“Guess you really can see kindness in anyone,” Junpei mutters.

Kotone's face falls a bit. “Actually, it was Makoto who first saw it in Tanaka. We both talked to him sometimes, mostly out of curiosity. It was Makoto who thought there was more to him. He was right.” Her eyes turn to the urn, and she sighs softly. “He was always right.”

Akihiko and Ken return then. “Man,” Sanada mutters. “This all just feels so wrong, doesn't it?”

“Of course it does,” Mitsuru mumbles, her voice colder than Yukari's ever heard it. “This shouldn't be necessary. And... Even if it is, this is nowhere near enough for him. He should have a procession greater than any of those enjoyed by kings. The whole country should shut down to honor him. It disgusts me to know what he did, and yet force him to make do with such a shabby reception.”

Yukari wonders about that. Makoto wouldn't have wanted a big funeral, she thinks. Then again, it's not like they ever talked about that. Why would they? Sure, the potential that some of them could die fighting Nyx always existed, and they were aware of it, but...

Honestly, Yukari would have preferred they all died together.

Ken says nothing, staring at his feet. He seems a lot more quiet these days. Yukari finds herself thinking about the time after Chidori died. Ken was the one who seemed to handle that the best. This must be too much for even him.

Lots of people come up to Kotone to offer condolences, which she accepts without showing any real emotions. That frightens Yukari, admittedly. Makoto did the same thing when he was hurting. He would bottle it all up and refuse to show himself to the rest of the world.

And even when he was dying he didn't tell me and-

She shakes her head. He had a good reason. It's not like she would have believed or understood any of it. She has to remember that. It was her fault, not his. That doesn't ease the pain, though.

Finally, once things settle down a bit, Yukari stumbles her way, alone, to the altar. She takes in the sight of the ordinary urn that sits there, a picture next to it of Makoto. She stares at that picture for a long time. Mitsuru had agonized over which one to use for days. The one from his file was drab, from back when he was showing no emotions of any kind. There didn't really seem to be any other pictures, according to her.

Of course, Yukari has countless pictures of him. Her phone is overloaded with them. She never brought them up, though. Those are her pictures, and they aren't leaving her possession. Not that she's looking at them right now. She can't stand to see them.

(The worst are the ones of him sleeping. She'd always thought he was cute when he slept, so there were quite a few of those. She can't even think about them now.)

Mitsuru had almost used the picture from the festival, but Yukari burst into tears at the sight of it. He was smiling, sort of, and she was staring at him so wistfully she might as well have had hearts in her eyes. It was too important of a picture, too important of a memory to display publicly.

In the end, they'd chosen the one from the night after they beat the Hanged Man Shadow. Not that that picture sparks up happy memories (only a little while after it was taken, Mitsuru's father had been killed, after all), but it was the closest to a satisfying compromise they could find. After cropping it, they were left with a weary Makoto, the slight hint of a smile curling up on his lip. She wonders if he even realized it was there.

With a sigh, she kneels down and closes her eyes. I never really prayed much, Makoto, so I hope you don't mind if this is a bit awkward. I guess you wouldn't, though. You never minded me being myself. That's what I love the most about you, I think. I never felt like I didn't belong around you. You always made me feel safe. I guess my home was in your arms, huh?

She chokes back something like a sob, and her hands begin to shake. I just... don't know what to do now. What did you expect me to do, after this? Couldn't you have left me something, given me some kind of sign? I don't understand any of this. Why did it have to be you, and only you? If you had to die, why couldn't I have just died, too?

I know you wouldn't have wanted that, but what about what I want? I never thought much about the future. I always thought it would just be cold and lonely, just like the present. But then you came into my life and suddenly the future was something I was excited about. I wanted to spend my life with you, you know. When I talked about getting married, I wasn't really kidding, or just talking hypothetically. I wanted to show you how much I'd grown. That was all I really wanted. And now you're gone, and I can't have any of it, and I don't honestly know what the point of bothering is anymore.

She takes in a shuddering breath. But... I guess that's pretty much exactly what the stupid Nyx cult was talking about, huh? If I think like that, I may as well have killed you myself. But... how am I supposed to go forward? How am I supposed to move on? I don't get it. I need you in my life. I want you in my life, desperately. How am I supposed to just act like that doesn't matter? Like you didn't matter?

There is, of course, no response to those questions. He's gone. He's probably not even hearing any of this. Is there an afterlife? She has no way to know.

Look... I guess the best thing I can do for you is try and make things better. You saved the world, but the feelings that brought Nyx about aren't gone. So... I'll do what I can to improve the world, like you did. And maybe, someday, people won't wish for the Fall anymore. And then...

She doesn't even know what would happen next, but there's nothing more she can offer him. He gave her everything, and she wasn't even there for him in the end. Is that ever going to stop hurting? She doubts it.

Yukari manages one last heavy breath. I love you, Makoto. I'll always love you. And... if there is an afterlife, someday we'll see each other again, right? So... just wait till then, okay?

She forces herself to her feet, only just then realizing how exhausted she feels. Her head feels light, her heart feels heavy, and her legs feel weak. The sun beats down on her, and she hates it. The sun shouldn't shine on such a miserable world.

Part of her wonders if her promise is impossible. A better world is surely beyond their grasp, now that Makoto won't be in it. How could the world possibly improve without him?

A soft hand lands on her shoulder, and she turns slightly to see Kotone. “I don't know what to say, either,” she admits, her voice low.

“None of us ever thought we'd have to do this, I guess,” Yukari mutters.

“We shouldn't have to. It's all unfair.”

“I know. But...”

Kotone shakes her head. “It doesn't matter.” She sighs. “Could you... give me a minute with him?”

“Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.”

Yukari retreats as Kotone kneels in her place. When she reaches the others, the dam breaks, and she starts crying once again. It's Junpei who embraces her, and she cries into his jacket, clutching to him like a lifeline. She reflects, once more, that Aigis should be here.

When she gets back to the dorm, she signs up for cram school.

Fuuka

When Mitsuru gets another call from the hospital, Kotone groans and says, “What now, did his f*cking sheets die?”

Mitsuru leaves them to their bickering in the lounge, and comes back a moment later looking pale. They all think of the worst, before she lets out an enormous sigh and says, “Shinji woke up.”

All of them shoot to their feet at once, an indescribable feeling settling in on them. Fuuka really isn't sure what it is. Relief, surely, and overwhelming joy... and yet, a sorrow, too. Everyone lived but Makoto, she thinks, sadly. Even Chidori found a way to survive.

Before they can get too excited, Mitsuru tells them they won't be allowed to visit him for another day or two. He's awake, and alive, but weak. In fact, he's expected to fall back asleep quickly. Still, the fact that he made it is immensely relieving to all of them, Akihiko most of all.

The only two who don't react to the news are Yukari and Aigis, neither of whom are even present. Aigis hasn't left her room in days, and Yukari went straight back to her own after the funeral.

Fuuka finds herself a bundle of energy afterwards. With the knowledge that she'll be able to see Shinji in the next day or two, she decides to make some rice balls for him. It's still the only thing she can really make on her own, and she can make them simple and bland enough for even a man coming out of a coma to eat. It also gives her an excuse to be alone, something she desperately needs lately.

It's not enough that she has her own feelings about what's happened. About forgetting, about watching Makoto slowly die, about knowing he's gone... With Juno firmly back in her mind, she can feel the emotions of the whole dorm clearly again. The pain here is unbearable and astonishing, and it only compounds the more people are nearby. Lately, she's been taking trips out of the dorm just to get away from Yukari, Aigis, and Kotone, all three of whom have remained stationary. Their emotions have been strong, so strong that Fuuka sometimes has to go entire blocks away just to escape them.

The funeral had been the worst of it. The pain in her mind had been so strong she thought she might burst right there at the shrine. Her heart had been thundering, her head pounding, her eyes throbbing. It's a good thing tears are expected at a funeral. She'd shed a lot of them.

When she's done cooking she retreats to her room and tries hard to ignore the residual feelings of the dorm. It's not easy. The unfortunate reality is that, with all the emotions of others swirling around in her, she's barely even begun to sort through her own feelings. And, well, she has lots of them. Even if he wasn't her twin or her lover, he was still important to her. He was the one who pulled her out of her slump, who convinced her that she didn't need to change herself just to not be alone. The fact that he was gone hurt, a lot.

The night after he'd died, she'd talked to Natsuki on the phone for hours. Well, talked was maybe the wrong word. She'd sobbed hysterically into the microphone while Natsuki tried to soothe her. “I wish you were here,” Fuuka had whispered eventually, at which point Natsuki had started crying, too.

At least Shinji is awake, now. That's something, something they could latch onto. The idea of losing even more was not one she wanted to entertain right now.

When they are finally allowed to visit, it ends up just being Akihiko, Kotone, and Fuuka. Ken wanted to come, but hesitated at the door, before deciding it was best for Shinjiro to recover a bit before the two of them talk. Fuuka didn't entirely agree or disagree with that, honestly. On the one hand, Ken needed to resolve his issues, and sooner rather than later.

On the other hand... she has a feeling most of this conversation would be about Makoto.

Despite knowing that he would be conscious when they arrived, Fuuka still gasps and tears up a little when they enter his room and find him sitting up, staring at the door with his usual gruffness. “Took you long enough,” Akihiko says as they enter, grinning from ear to ear.

“Shut up, Aki,” are the first words Shinjiro Aragaki says in five months. Fuuka thinks it's fitting.

At first, the conversation is ordinary, and maybe a little awkward. The explaining of things the doctors told Shinji and Mitsuru, the occasional muttering of “Damn, I'm glad you're awake.” It's not much, and Fuuka stays silent for most of it.

Then, after maybe half an hour, Shinji says, “So, where's Yuki? Didn't think anything'd keep him from rubbing this in my face.”

Instantly, the whole room goes a bit dark. “Makoto can't come,” Akihiko says.

“Why not?”

Kotone glances away, leaving Akihiko to continue speaking. “Look, Shinji... A lot's happened since you got hurt. It's better if you-”

“If something happened, you better tell me right the hell now.”

A long moment of hesitation, and then Akihiko breaks eye contact and says, “Makoto's dead, Shinji.”

Shinjiro squints at him, looks around the room. “You're f*ckin' with me,” he says. Then his eyes fall on Kotone, who has practically disappeared into her seat, and his eyes go wide. They dart back to Akihiko in a flash. “The hell happened?”

“It's a long story...”

“Yeah, well I ain't goin' anywhere, now am I? Tell me.”

That takes a long time. Akihiko explains it all carefully, from Ikutsuki's betrayal and Takeharu's death, to Chidori sacrificing herself for Junpei, to the arrival of Ryoji and the realization of his true nature, to the bleak December they'd all spent only half-alive. And then the fight against Nyx, and Makoto's miracle, and the miserable month of February, before finally reaching-

“He fell asleep on March fifth,” Akihiko says, softly. “It was near midnight on the sixth that he died. The doctors didn't know why, and we prevented the autopsy. We know what happened. Or... well, we know some of what happened. We don't know the details.” He sighs. “His funeral was yesterday.”

Shinji says nothing then. Fuuka doesn't blame him for that. Having to process this is completely understandable. Honestly, she hasn't succeeded at that herself.

Kotone stands and leaves around that point, giving a small nod to Shinji before disappearing out the door. None of them stop her. Though it might be cruel to say so, Fuuka has to admit to some relief at her departure. Her emotions were becoming too much to bear.

Shinji sighs. “f*ck, man.” That's about all he has to say.

“He saved everyone,” Akihiko says.

“Shouldn't've had to.”

“No. He really shouldn't have had to.”

It was Mitsuru's grandfather who first called upon Death, and then Ikutsuki who brought it back. And the cult... so many people called out for Nyx, and yet it was Makoto who had to put an end to that. It's unfair. That was the word they all kept coming back to, she'd found: unfair.

“Did anyone else...?” Shinji asks, carefully.

“Only two others died and stayed dead. Mitsuru's father, and Ikutsuki.”

Shinji scoffs. “Never trusted that bastard. Guess I was right.” He breaks eye contact. “What about Ken? How's he doing?”

“Could be better, could be worse,” Akihiko says, unwilling to commit one way or the other, apparently. “He really was doing okay, after you got shot. He had trouble coming to terms with the whole thing, but... He came out the other side in one piece. But, well, with the whole Makoto thing, none of us are really doing all that well right now.”

“Figured.”

“He wanted to come, you know. He just thought it would be better if he waited till you had some of your strength back.”

Shinji's eyes widen. “Why the hell would he want to see me?”

Fuuka finally speaks. “None of what happened back then was your fault,” she says, softly. “Ken realizes that, now. He dedicated himself to destroying the Dark Hour, for your sake.”

“That's-”

“Don't bother fighting us on this, Shinji,” Akihiko says, the smallest of smug smiles on his face. “We've had months to debate all this crap while you had your beauty sleep. You weren't at fault, Ken doesn't blame you, and he doesn't want you dead. None of us do. You're alive, and you're gonna be fine. So get your strength back, then decide what it is you wanna do with your new lease on life.”

“The bullets weren't what was killing me,” Shinji says, carefully. “You know that.”

“The pills aren't killing you anymore, either. We had Kirijo doctors on you, remember? The pills were flushed outta your system entirely. You'll be weak for a little while, but you don't have a death sentence anymore.” He gets up and pats his friend on the shoulder. “You're stuck with us, buddy.”

Akihiko leaves not long after that, other obligations taking over, but Fuuka sticks around. She doesn't have anything else planned, and even a hospital is a less emotional environment than the dorm right now. She could use the break...

And, well, she really missed Shinji.

“You get any better?” he asks her after a moment. “At cooking, I mean.”

“Well... A little. I... I can make rice balls, now. Without being watched.”

Despite the smallness of this achievement, Shinji smiles slightly. “It's progress.”

“I... brought some, if you're feeling hungry. I made them a bit bland, so they won't overwhelm you.”

“Give me one.”

She does as he asks, and he bites into it carefully. He's been existing on IV fluids for months now; it's not too surprising that he wouldn't really remember how to eat. He nods upon swallowing. “Not bad.”

Fuuka beams. “Thank you!”

“This all you can do, though?”

“Well...” She hesitates. “M-Makoto said I was getting better, but that I lacked confidence. And, well, I'm not really sure how to get more confident. Especially now...”

He looks away, towards the window. “I can't believe the kid's gone.”

“None of us can.”

“How're you doing?”

“Me?”

He faces her again. “You can feel their emotions, right? Figure that's gotta be exhausting.”

“It... It is. It really is. I've been getting out of the dorm as much as I can.” Fuuka looks away, uncomfortable. “But I think... the worst part is that I haven't really gotten to sort out my own feelings. I've been so drained by everyone else's that I don't really understand my own emotions. He...” She looks away. “He was really important to me, too...”

“Yeah, the kid was important to all of us,” Shinji grunts. “Can't believe I lived and he didn't.”

Fuuka looks up, horrified. “You have just as much of a right to live as he does!”

“Do I really? Why should killers get to live, when a kid like that's in the ground?”

“Don't say that! W-we... We wouldn't trade lives like that! Makoto wouldn't have wanted us to even consider that sort of thing!” At some point, she'd stood up, and raised her voice. She doesn't even remember doing that.

Shinji looks her over for a moment, and then chuckles. “Well, there's your confidence. Guess you found it after all.”

Kotone

March just gets rougher.

White Day is just about the most depressing day to ever exist. Yukari doesn't leave her room the whole time, while Kotone finds herself remembering her grief over losing Ryoji. He'd kinda fallen to the wayside lately, and for decent reason, but his life matters to her, too. The idea of forgetting him...

Afterwards, Yukari's behavior suddenly swaps entirely. She goes from isolating herself in her room to isolating herself outside of her room. She leaves the dorm at dawn and doesn't come back almost until curfew. Whenever someone does manage to corner her, she just says blatant lies like “I'm fine,” or “I'm busy.” She's in cram school now, sure, but Kotone doesn't think any cram school lasts for sixteen hours straight.

Not like she can judge. She's no better. Honestly, she might just be worse.

The things she does in her room are best left there, she finds. No one needs to know about them, least of all herself. Long sleeves are her friend, she's known that for years now. And who's gonna chew her out for it, now? Makoto can't, and no one else cares.

They all sign up for the same homeroom next year, but it's not like any of them are even really thinking about the future anymore. Kotone isn't even sure they'll talk to each other. The only one making any effort in that respect is Junpei, now. And Fuuka, sometimes, but less frequently these days.

Shinji will be in their year, but whether he'll be well enough to attend Gekkoukan next month is still up in the air. He's not thinking about that, and none of them are, either. None of them are thinking about much of anything.

She sees less and less of Akihiko now, too. He's always either at the gym or with Shinji. She'd asked him recently why he was going to the gym so frequently again. After all, he'd admitted that his training was nothing more than an unhealthy coping mechanism, one that he'd somewhat kicked after Shinji was shot. He'd just broken eye contact and said, “When we were at the top of Tartarus, Makoto stood up. None of us could. I keep wondering how he did it. Was he just stronger than me, or...?”

She didn't really have anything to say to that, so he left, and she felt nothing.

Mitsuru isn't around much, either. Sometimes she'll knock on Kotone's door, but they never really talk. There's not much of a point. It's only around the twentieth that Mitsuru has anything to say. “The dorm will close on the thirty-first,” she reports. “The only purpose of it was for the sake of keeping SEES members together, and...”

And now there is no SEES, because Makoto won the battle for us. “Alright,” she mutters, disinterested.

“I'll help you with your arrangements for next year. You will need a roommate, since the other dorms are slightly more cramped. And...” Mitsuru hesitates. “Makoto's room will need to be cleared out. I can do it, if you want, but...”

“Just leave it for now,” Kotone says, and that's the end of that. There's still eleven days left. She'll deal with it when she can.

She's unsure what to think about needing a roommate. On the one hand, she's only ever shared a room with Makoto, and it's not like he's an option. Not like he would've been, anyway; twins or not, she would have to share a room with another girl. The idea makes her nervous, but...

…Well, does she even really care at all? What's the point in worrying about something like that?

The future has to come, she knows that in her mind. Her heart dislikes the idea, though. The idea that she's just supposed to shrug her shoulders and move on and pretend everything's okay when it absolutely is not. Sometimes people will tell her to grieve at her own pace, that there's no timeline for this sort of thing, but that means nothing, either. What, is the idea that, eventually, she'll just not care about him anymore? Her literal twin? It's insane.

Yukari stands a chance of it, maybe. She only knew him for a year. Even with their absurd codependent relationship, it's not like she feels anything close to what Kotone does. Then again, Yukari had been on the verge of a mental breakdown when Makoto was just distancing himself. Now, he's as far as a human being can be from another, and there's no getting him back and...

She doesn't know what to do.

That's the crux of it, she supposes. The question of what happens now. And, more importantly, what the hell Makoto expected to happen now. He dies, he gives up his life, and what did he think would follow that? We'd just move on? We'd just be okay with it? Or did he anticipate this? What the hell does he want from us?

There are no answers. If they do exist, they're in his room, and none of them want to go in there. Not yet. Maybe not ever. She's not sure.

Decisions are something the living have to make, and she's not really a hundred percent she's among them anymore. Maybe the lives of twins really are completely interconnected, and she was meant to die when Makoto did, but something went wrong. She certainly feels dead. Her body just didn't get the memo, apparently.

It should've been both of us, she thinks again.

No, no, that's not it. It shouldn't have been both of them. That's insane.

It should've been me.

Chapter 4: Nihilist

Chapter Text

Junpei

“Yukari-chan's not coming after all,” Fuuka says.

Ken shakes his head slowly. “Sanada-san said he's busy at the gym, so I doubt he'll be here in time either...”

“Man, what's up with those two?” Junpei grumbles. “The dorm's closing down today. You'd think they'd wanna see it off.”

The end of the month came way quicker than any of them expected. The days had felt long, but the weeks had gone swiftly, and now it was time to leave the dorm behind for good.

Two months since Nyx fell. Almost a month since Makoto died. God, that's weird to think about. Why the hell does time have to be so weird? Why do those things feel like an eternity ago, but also only minutes old? Sometimes the moment Mitsuru received that call feels like it happened a decade ago, and sometimes he feels like he's still sitting there, clutching his knees and wondering what the actual hell was going on.

Koromaru whines softly and nuzzles against Kotone's legs. She doesn't react except to lazily rub the dog behind the ears. She's been doing stuff like that a lot lately. Acting on autopilot. He's not sure if that's better or worse than what Yukari and Akihiko have been doing.

“It can't be helped,” Mitsuru says, the most forced smile of all time on her face. “They just see things differently. Everyone's started down their own chosen path. It's a good thing.”

“I suppose you're right,” Fuuka says, looking at her feet.

Mitsuru sighs and stands. “It's not like I can blame them. I seem to get busier and busier. If I didn't have to recall these, I might not have made it either.”

And that's the real meat of this little session. Junpei looks down on the table at the center of the command room, where all the armbands and Evokers sit. “Man, I really hate to let my Evoker go...” he mumbles. “It's not like I got a use for it anymore, but...” He shakes his head, not really wanting to pursue that line of thought. “So, uh... How many are there supposed to be?”

They all start to count, but it's Aigis who says, “There is one missing.”

Fuuka looks up. “One miss-? Oh.”

Yeah. Right. He watches helplessly as everyone looks away, suddenly unable to make eye contact. “Did we ever recover it?” Junpei asks, since he's the only one who can still talk, apparently. “I mean... He threw it away at that last battle. So, uh...”

“I had it,” Aigis says, still averting her gaze. Honestly, he's just amazed to see her out of her room at all. There are no tears in her eyes. Really, she just looks like a machine again. The humanity she'd developed for so long just seems to be missing. It's probably just his imagination, though.

“Where is it, then?” Mitsuru asks.

“I... brought it back to him, in February. It is likely still in his possession.”

“In his room,” Kotone mutters.

None of them have had the strength to cross that particular threshold. They'll have to, tomorrow, though. They'll have to clean it out, get everything put into boxes and left for the cleaners. They're all moving out. It's not like they can preserve one room.

“Someone will have to get it,” Mitsuru says, her eyes glancing over them. When no one volunteers, she sighs. “It can wait until tomorrow, I suppose. But I will need all of the Evokers back.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Kotone mumbles.

Junpei shakes his head. “Hey, c'mon. You guys can't get all gloomy again. I don't think that's the way he would've wanted to see this end.”

Kotone looks away, but Ken sighs and looks up. “You're right. We all said our goodbyes, but...” He frowns. “I still wonder sometimes... Why did it happen? The doctors were never able to find anything wrong with him afterwards. It just seemed like he fell asleep. So...?”

“Well, that's...” Junpei starts, but he has no answers.

“It's pointless to guess at the reasons why,” Aigis says, in a monotone voice. “I am certain he didn't blame anyone for what happened.”

Except maybe he should've. What kinda friends are we, to leave him alone like that? We all promised to fight together, but then...

He shakes his head. Those thoughts are poison.

“Yeah,” he says instead. “Ai-chan's got that right.” He forces a smile. “But, hey, I'm glad to see you're hanging in there, Aigis. I mean, you locked yourself in your room for so long...”

She looks at him carefully. “I'm... somewhat surprised as well. It is possible I won't feel the full impact until I am alone tomorrow at the lab.”

They all look up. “The lab?” Fuuka says. “Are you planning to commute from there next semester?”

“Oh... No, I... Were you not told?”

“Aigis is returning herself to the lab tomorrow,” Mitsuru says. “She won't be enrolled as a senior. I didn't tell any of you in case she changed her mind.”

“Wait, seriously!?” Junpei says, standing. “Can't she stay in school like before?”

“This was her own decision.”

“I...” Aigis says, then falters slightly when they all look at her. “I think this is for the best.”

So she's just secluding herself even more. sh*t, man, even I didn't expect this. He was so worried about Yukari and Kotone that he'd kind of forgotten about Aigis.

“Just think of it as a new start for her,” Mitsuru says. “Now, we've gotten sidetracked, but today is not meant to be a sad occasion. We may not have been able to get everyone together, but we should still all have dinner here tonight. I've already ordered sushi.”

Junpei grins, and it's almost not faked. “Sushi!? Sweet!”

-

It's nearing midnight by the time they finish eating.

Akihiko and Yukari still aren't back, which is a bit weird, but not all that uncommon these days. The two of them seem really determined to not be around the others.

Junpei can hardly blame them. It's not a party here. Most of the night went by without talking. Mitsuru is probably the only one he can actually converse with these days, which is a bit weird. The two of them had never really talked much before this.

(He hasn't forgotten that February went by with him being a virtual stranger to her. Their entire relationship had been so wrapped up in the Dark Hour that they had seen each other had as nothing more than dorm-mates. It's weird that she's the one he can relate to the best right now.)

Fuuka turns on the TV at some point, and there's yet another report on Apathy Syndrome. The cases are completely gone by now, and the few that are still being reported are basically coming from hypochondriacs or panicking friends of people with severe depression. It figures. The problems haven't been solved, but at least there's no god to tell them the answers.

He did it, is what Junpei tells himself every time he sees the reports. He beat Nyx, and it was worth it. He thought it was worth it, so it has to be.

“It's odd,” Mitsuru says, softly. “The Dark Hour hasn't been coming for almost two full months, now, and yet I still find myself getting nervous near midnight.”

“Well,” Junpei says, shrugging, “you spent most of your life with it, right? It's just second nature to be concerned about it.”

“You aren't wrong. Still, I wonder if I will ever shake that feeling...”

“The Dark Hour does not exist anymore,” Aigis says, as if just to remind them she's here.

Junpei very much understands the anxiety, though. He's been staying up till midnight every night lately, just to make sure it worked. He hates the idea of losing Makoto and getting nothing in return. It's hard enough to handle this even as things are. If he died and the Dark Hour stuck around...

He flips his phone open and watches the seconds tick by.

Then, out of nowhere, he feels something lurch.

They all jump to their feet. “What was that...!?” Ken exclaims.

“It can't be...” Mitsuru mutters.

Junpei is the one who finds the presence of mind to rush over to the windows and look outside. “Nah, it's not the Dark Hour,” he says. “Everything's fine out there.” He turns around and laughs awkwardly. “We're probably just sleep deprived. We keep staying up late, y'know?”

Fuuka hesitates, then shakes her head and says, “You're probably right.”

“Wait,” Kotone says, and they all look up. She doesn't say much, these days. She holds up her phone. “Uh... It was March thirty-first, right?”

“Yes,” Mitsuru confirms, raising an eyebrow. “But midnight has passed, so it should now be April first.”

“Then why does it still say March thirty-first?”

“Huh?” Junpei opens his own phone and sees the same thing.

Mitsuru looks at her own phone. “Odd...”

“It's probably just a glitch,” Junpei says, shrugging. “I mean, c'mon, this kinda thing happens, right? Nothing we can do about it.” He yawns. “Besides, I'm wiped. Let's call it a night.”

“You're probably right,” Mitsuru mutters. “But... I'll contact Yukari and Akihiko. Just in case.”

“Um...” Aigis says, and yet again they all look up. She says almost as little as Kotone these days. “Would it be alright if I returned to my room?”

Mitsuru nods at her. “Go ahead.”

“Sweet dreams, Ai-chan,” Junpei says.

Aigis

Sweet dreams, he'd wished her, but she doesn't dream anymore. She doesn't even sleep.

When she was sleeping, she would always have the same dream. That same horrible dream where he appears to her again, where she chases after him and can never catch up. He never turns around, never acknowledges her, never speaks. He won't stay with her, and he won't permit her to come with him.

She isn't free from the torment, even when she is awake. It's easier, sometimes, but not simple to avoid the pain. She finds her thoughts drifting back, consistently, to the final moments they spent together, before he lost consciousness. He had been lying in her lap, and she'd told him the meaning of life she'd discovered, and he wiped the tears away from her eyes and said, “It'll be okay.” And that was all. He'd closed his eyes, and never opened them again.

There is no reason for me to be here if he isn't. This is not a new thought, but it is one that has been returning to her frequently of late. She knows this is not what he wanted for her. After all, if he died so that the others could live, that surely includes her. Yet she cannot free herself from the desire to simply be rid of the burden of life.

I promised to protect him, and then I failed.

Despite the fact that she specifically requested to return to her room, she does nothing there. She just stands in the middle of it, staring into space. It means nothing, though, she thinks, idly. Tomorrow, I will return to the lab. They will get rid of this feeling, and I will be just a machine again. That's all I was meant to be, and that is all I will be. It will be better then, won't it?

She closes her eyes briefly. When she opens them, she spots a strange blue butterfly floating down towards her. She raises her arm carefully, and it lands on her finger. It looks just like the ones that used to appear from the full moon Shadows, the ones that would always float over to Makoto-san.

It disappears as someone knocks on the door.

“Aigis! Are you awake?”

Fuuka's voice is more urgent than usual. “Yes,” Aigis says. “Come in.”

The navigator rushes in. “Aigis! We need you!”

“What has happened?” She hesitates. “It's not... the Dark Hour, is it?”

“It's not the Dark Hour, but... Well, it's hard to describe. The lobby floor opened up, and-” She shakes her head. “It'll be easier to just show you, come on!”

Lobby floor opened up...?

She doesn't get a chance to consider this. Fuuka rushes downstairs, and Aigis follows close behind. The instant she reaches the lobby, she finds it in a state of chaos. The others are collapsed on the ground, defeated, even Kotone-san, who possesses the very same power her brother did.

In the center of the carnage, aiming a weapon at the others, is a girl clad in black armor.

“What is this?” Aigis manages.

“Keep your guard up, Aigis!” Mitsuru calls. “It doesn't seem human!”

Not human...?

The intruder turns around, and Aigis feels something in her lurch. “It can't be...” she breathes. “The very same model as me?”

“You're... Aigis?”

“Who are you!? Why are you doing this!?”

“I am Metis. I've come to protect you.”

“Protect me!?”

The girl – Metis – nods back to the others. “These people pose a threat to you. Therefore, they will be eliminated, with haste.”

Eliminated? “I won't let you do this!”

“It is for your own safety.”

“I won't permit this!”

Metis shakes her head. “Then you leave me no choice. I will have to incapacitate you. Please do not think ill of me.”

With that, Metis raises her axe and charges. “Psyche!” she calls out, and a Persona erupts from her, a spindly thing that strikes out at Aigis with a brutal physical attack. It's nothing Aigis can't handle with Athena. She tanks the attack and throws back with one of her own, locking herself in close combat with the intruder. “I won't let you hurt them,” Aigis grunts.

“I won't let them hurt you,” Metis throws back.

Without warning, Metis strikes hard, and Aigis finds herself caught off guard. Was that even possible, before? Why can she not anticipate this enemy's movements? It is not a Shadow, no, but...

Her deliberations leave her in a state of confusion sufficient for Metis to make another move, and then Aigis is flying across the dorm lobby, smashing through the dividers and landing near the front counter. “This is for your own good,” Metis says, turning back to the others.

“No!” Aigis screams, but her voice dies in her throat.

Metis reaches down and grabs Kotone-san by the throat, lifting her up. Aigis can only watch in horror as the female Yuki allows herself to be attacked, not even fighting back. She stares into Metis's eyes coldly, unblinking.

She will die if I do nothing.

Something in Aigis goes cold, and she finds herself thinking of Makoto-san, smiling down on her with his kind grey eyes, his gentle hand falling upon her shoulder. She thinks of the day she returned to him, when he'd thrown his arms around her in a tight embrace, and she'd felt something.

And now, his sister is in danger. I swore to protect him, and I failed, but I also promised to protect his loved ones. I will not allow any harm to come to her.

With a sudden rage, Aigis stands and screams out, “PERSONA!”

It's not Athena that answers her call, though. The room erupts into red flame, and Orpheus bursts forth, striking out from her and screaming, a horrible, radiant burst of noise that causes Metis to collapse in on herself, dropping Kotone-san in the process.

“No way...” Junpei-san breathes, and then Aigis falls.

-

When she opens her eyes, she's in an elevator.

“I... What happened...?”

She looks across the room and sees an old man sitting behind a table. There are two people behind him, a man and a woman, each dressed in fine blue outfits. The man seems to regard her with disinterest, while the woman eyes her suspiciously. She recognizes neither of them, nor the one in the chair.

“Welcome to the Velvet Room,” the old man says. “Ah... A very rare guest indeed. Are you a simulacrum, or in fact human...?” He chuckles lightly. “It seems your destiny is similar to mine.”

“Velvet Room?” Aigis repeats. “This... Makoto-san mentioned this place...”

“Indeed!” the old man says. “Ah, but forgive my manners. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Igor. The lady to my left is Elizabeth, and the gentleman to my right is Theodore. They are my assistants in this room.” He waves a cordial hand. “This place exists between mind and matter. It is a room for those who have forged a contract. And, yes, you have done so, in awakening to the power of the wild card.”

“The... wild card?”

“Surely you know of it? The power to hold multiple Personas and wield their powers. Until most recently, a certain pair of twins were our guests here.”

“Then... They no longer are?”

“Alas, they are not. The young man, Makoto-san, achieved a marvelous thing. He discovered the Answer to Life.”

“Answer... to Life?”

“The power you have attained is a means to find that Answer.”

Aigis hesitates. “This Answer... if I find it, would it mean my death?”

Igor smiles oddly. “All those who live journey in search of the Answer, and they find it at the journey's end. If you have close ties to those you call friend, remember this: Strength of heart, when united, is barred by no door.” He gives her a strange look. “That is all I can tell you.”

Truthfully, the idea of dying upon discovering the Answer does not frighten Aigis.

She meets his gaze one last time. “May I ask... If Makoto-san lost access to this place by attaining the Answer to Life... Why is Kotone-san no longer here?”

“Ah... Hers is a more complex story, and one that I cannot divulge to you. Her story is her own, to tell or to withhold. I urge you to speak with her on this matter.”

“I... will.” Will I? Kotone-san has been avoiding her almost specifically lately...

Igor ignores her considerations. “I am certain you will require our help in the future. Therefore, allow me to give you a small gift.” He waves a hand, and a key appears out of thin air. “This Velvet Key will permit you to enter this room when you so desire it. That one in particular belonged to Makoto-san, until most recently.”

Aigis hesitates in taking it, and is surprised upon touching it to find it so gentle and soft.

“Now then,” Igor says, his enigmatic smile never leaving his face, “farewell. We shall meet again soon.”

Kotone

“What the hell happened?” Akihiko demands the instant he enters the dorm.

It is kind of a mess, admittedly. The dividers are destroyed, the dining table is ruined, the chairs are toppled, there's debris everywhere... and that's all ignoring the fact that the center of the lounge opened up like a damned bunker, for reasons no one has been able to figure out yet.

Of course, there's also the issue of the collapsed and motionless form of Aigis, sat helplessly on the couch, and her dark counterpart – Metis, apparently – who they've tied up in a chair near the kitchen. It's all completely nuts.

Yukari, in sharp contrast to Akihiko, just looks around with disappointment and frustration. “I can't believe this crap's happening again,” she mumbles, so quietly no one can really hear her. No one but Kotone, who actually listens.

“Aigis is waking up,” Fuuka says, softly.

True, she is. Kotone isn't really sure how she feels about that right now.

“Hm?” Aigis moans, opening her eyes carefully and scanning over the room. “What happened?”

“We were kinda hoping you might have some idea,” Kotone says.

“I...” Aigis looks around, and acknowledges both Akihiko and Yukari with a solemn nod, which only Akihiko returns. “I admit to being clueless, except...” She hesitates.

Yukari frowns at her. “Something happened with you, didn't it?”

“...Yes,” Aigis admits. “But...”

Kotone waits a moment, then sighs. “I think it's better if you just show them, Aigis.”

The android stares for a moment, but no one contradicts Kotone. So she stands, takes a moment to stabilize, and then looks to the others. “Persona,” she whispers to herself, and, just as before, it's Orpheus that answers her call, not Athena.

Kotone makes eye contact with the form for only a second before looking away. It looks too much like... him. Why the hell did he of all Personas answer her? Is this what happens when a Persona-user dies? But then, why Aigis? Shouldn't Orpheus have passed to me? Not only am I his sister, I'm a wild card. Or, at least, she's pretty sure she's a wild card. Fairly certain. Sixty percent certain.

“Orpheus...” Yukari breathes, all of her bitterness abandoned for a brief moment. Then her eyes fall down to Aigis', and her gaze turns cold once more. “Why the hell does Aigis have Orpheus?”

“None of us know,” Kotone says, looking away.

“I...” Aigis begins, and then shrinks when their collective gaze falls upon her. “I might know something. After I lost consciousness, I... I was pulled into the Velvet Room.”

Kotone's eyes go wide. “You were in the Velvet Room!?”

The android nods slowly.

“Describe Igor.”

“He is an old man with a long nose and a high-pitched voice.”

Kotone looks away again. “sh*t, that checks out.” Elizabeth and Theodore had both left the room before, so there was a chance Aigis could describe one or both of them without having been to the Velvet Room. But Igor... Not only did he never leave the room, she and Makoto had taken care not to describe him much. The only way Aigis could know any of this would be by meeting him herself.

“Do you see a door around here?” she asks, forcing herself to meet Aigis' gaze.

Aigis glances around briefly, and then nods. “Over by the kitchen. There is a blue door.” She turns back to Kotone. “I... thought you were a guest in there as well.”

“I can't even see the damn door,” Kotone growls.

“Wait, so...” Akihiko flinches, then trails off. He starts to pace. “So... Aigis has gained the power of the wild card, and Kotone's lost it? And...” He nods to her. “Your power is... Orpheus?”

“It seems so, yes.”

“The same Orpheus that Ma-”

“Yeah,” Yukari interrupts, scowling. “The same.”

“I... don't understand,” Fuuka says, her voice small. She's avoiding looking at just about anyone right now, and understandably so. “How can Kotone have lost the wild card?”

Kotone sighs. “At that last battle, when the two of us were pulled into the Velvet Room, we were both offered the Universe arcana. Ultimate power... at a price.” She doesn't need to tell anyone what that price was. “When... he took it, I was booted out of the room. I guess I lost my power, then.”

A silence falls over them. “Can you still summon Eurydice?” Mitsuru asks after a moment.

“Dunno. Haven't tried.”

She doesn't have an Evoker on her, but she doubts she'd give it a try even if she did. The devastating emptiness in her head gives her pause. Is she nothing, now? Was she ever anything to begin with? After all, she awakened to her powers to protect Makoto, just as he'd awakened to his to protect Yukari. Has she lost her one tangible link with reality forever?

“The Universe...” Yukari whispers, and it dawns on Kotone that this is the first time she's told the team of that term in particular.

She instantly regrets it, and tries to move on. “Look, the real question is why Aigis suddenly gained the wild card. I mean, the Velvet Room doesn't just appear for no reason. If it's back, and Aigis is entering it, that means something's going on. Something Persona-y.”

“Figures,” Yukari grumbles. “Thought we were done dealing with this crap...”

“Is it urgent?” Akihiko asks. “Are we in imminent danger?”

Mitsuru looks around briefly, considers that, then shrugs. “It does not seem so. However-”

“Then I'm gonna let Shinji know what's going on. He has a right to know if I stop visiting for a bit, and I don't really want to tell him over the phone. I'll be back in a bit.”

None of them protest. It's reasonable enough. They watch silently as he walks over to the door, opens it, takes one step out, and then collapses to one knee.

“Akihiko!” Mitsuru cries out, while Yukari rushes forward to help him. “What happened?” she asks.

“Dunno. When I tried to leave...”

Kotone walks up casually and attempts the same thing. Instantly, her head starts thundering, like a thousand gongs are being rung in there. She collapses as well, and she can just barely make out the concerned calls from the others. With a struggle, she forces herself back in and falls against the counter. “Don't think we can leave the dorm,” she grumbles.

“What could cause us to be trapped like this...?” Mitsuru says, softly.

“Uh, guys?” Junpei's sudden voice causes them all to jump a little. “The chick's waking up.”

Forgetting her pain – and it's mostly gone, now that the door is closed – Kotone stands and joins them. The second robot looks up at them with red eyes, her visor now firmly over her hair. They surround her carefully as she looks over them, one after another, saying nothing.

Junpei waves a hand in front of her face. “Hey, quit the silent treatment. This ain't helping your case.”

“Why did you attack us?” Mitsuru asks, crossing her arms over her chest. “Where did you come from? What is your relation to Aigis?”

Metis glares at her, then settles on looking at Aigis. “I am Metis. I attacked you because I sensed that you all pose a threat to Aigis. She is practically my sister.”

“Sister?” Kotone repeats.

“My only goal is to save you from this hopeless situation.”

Ken frowns. “Hopeless situation?”

“Is there an echo in here?” Metis snaps down at him, then carries on speaking only to Aigis. “You all noticed it, did you not? The moment when time stopped.”

“Wait, what?” Yukari says. “Time stopped?”

“Today is March thirty-first. Yesterday was March thirty-first. Tomorrow will also be March thirty-first. At this rate, it will last forever.” Metis looks at the door. “You are all trapped here, in this spot, on this day. This is due to the Abyss of Time below us.”

Kotone scoffs. “Abyss of Time? What kinda sci-fi B-movie sh*t is that?”

Metis scowls at her. “You won't be so flippant once you see it. And besides, I believe it is you who caused this in the first place.”

“Huh?” Kotone gawks, squinting suspiciously at the intruder. “Me?”

“Well, not you specifically. All of you.”

They exchange a collective group stare, baffled and confused by this. “We haven't done anything,” Mitsuru says. “We have simply existed. How is that enough to cause something of this magnitude?”

“You are all Persona-users, are you not?” Metis demands. “You are aware that Shadows are the manifestations of humanity's emotions, yes? Well, Personas are the manifestations of your emotions. They are tamed Shadows, you might say. So, if you felt strongly enough about something, it follows that you would be able to call upon a greater power, just as humanity has in the past.”

“A... greater power?” Junpei repeats.

“You mean a god?” Mitsuru says, probably a bit more casually than should be possible.

Metis nods. “Your wishes have caused time to stop.”

“Hold it,” Akihiko growls. “You have any proof of this?”

Only then does she hesitate. “Well... no. It's only a feeling I have. But it makes sense!”

“Does it?” Aigis says, softly. “Why should we wish for time to stop?”

Kotone remains silent, but she can tell they're all thinking the same thing. It's not like any of us have done a very good job convincing the others of our “healing.” None of us have moved on, none of us have even begun to move on. And now we're stuck here because of it. That just figures.

None of them say it aloud, but it's written on their faces. She ignores that, mostly. It's not easy to look past the expression on Yukari's face, and the terrifying lack of an expression on Aigis'.

It's Mitsuru that finally sighs and says, “So then. What do you propose we do?”

“There are two options,” Metis says, softly. “We can descend into the Abyss of Time and find the source of this distortion. Or I could simply eliminate all of you, and thereby get rid of the emotions that are causing this.”

“Huh?” Junpei says, stupidly. “Eliminate us!?”

“That is not permissible,” Mitsuru says, once again way more casually than should be possible.

“Fine,” Metis grunts, as if this news is somehow surprising. “Then you should all prepare yourselves. We will need to begin the exploration soon. There's no telling how stable this time period will be, or what the possible dangers of existing in it for too long will be.”

“Very well,” says Mitsuru. “Everyone, get your gear together. We will organize ourselves as usual.”

Immediately upon saying this, she freezes. Kotone knows why. There is no usual, not anymore.

With a sigh, Mitsuru shakes her head and says, “Well... Given that Kotone no longer possesses the wild card, it would perhaps be best if, for the moment, Aigis took command.”

“What?” Kotone says. This wasn't what she'd meant.

“I... do not know if...” Aigis stumbles.

Mitsuru shakes her head. “Not only can Kotone not see the Velvet Room anymore, we are not even certain she is able to summon any Personas. We relied heavily on the presence of a wild card in the past year. I think it is wise for Aigis to assume all such responsibilities.”

Aigis glances over at Kotone, who won't meet her gaze.

After a moment, Kotone shakes her head and says, “Whatever. She can command. I'll get my things.” Without another word, she stomps off towards the stairs.

Yukari

None of it makes any sense.

Two months since Nyx was defeated, and suddenly Shadows are back, and there's a gaping hole in the lounge, and there's some dark version of Aigis that keeps telling them it's their fault this is happening. On top of that, Kotone apparently isn't a wild card anymore, and Aigis is, and she has that Persona, of all things. Yukari cannot for the life of her figure out what the hell it all means.

(She has a feeling, somewhere deep in her heart, but she can't look at it, can't think about it. Every time her mind drifts towards that feeling, she finds herself getting faint and weak, feels her breaths become more ragged and her head go light and her heart start beating all the faster.)

It's the things that didn't change that bug her as much as the things that did. Aigis takes over command, and seems to mimic a leadership style somewhere between Kotone's and... his. Every time they return from the Abyss, Aigis will go into a corner and zone out for minutes on end, and they all just have to sit around and wait for her to return from the Velvet Room, doing whatever it is that wild cards do in there.

Kotone doesn't explain any of it. She just glares daggers at Aigis whenever this happens, and no one disturbs her. Yukari could, but she honestly doesn't care very much. She just wants to be done with this.

The roughest part is that Aigis is not a leader. She's a follower, and has been since the start. All she ever did was follow him around, after all. Now that she's been thrust into this position, she's struggling to handle it. Occasionally, Yukari feels sort of bad for the android. But, well...

Why the hell was it her?

Any of them could have awakened to the wild card. Or Kotone could have just kept it. Instead, Aigis gained it. Why her? Why the one who isn't even human? It's as pointless as giving that power to Koromaru.

Every now and again, Metis will glare at Kotone or Yukari, like they're somehow dragging everything down. And, well, maybe they are, with their constant moping, but how else are they supposed to act here? They fought so damn hard for a whole year, and now they've been dragged back into the fray, all for a goal so nebulous and vague they can't even conceptualize it.

He gave up everything and now we're back in this again, and why the hell does the past have to keep grabbing me by the heels and dragging me back when all I want is to move forward and-

She shakes her head. Thinking about that stuff is pointless.

She just doesn't want to do this again. He died so they could carry on, so they could live their lives without the constant fighting. She was only trying to honor his wishes. Why would she be punished for that? Why drag her back into the fray now? It's cruel, and unreasonable, and she hates Metis for even suggesting this might be her fault. Kotone and Aigis are the ones who aren't moving on. I'm moving forward. Only forward.

It doesn't matter. She still has Isis. After a while, it becomes clear that Kotone can still summon Eurydice, though that's her only power now. Aigis is nowhere near as strong a wild card as he was, so that's a struggle, but she's catching up with alarming speed. Yet again, Orpheus disappears quickly.

This time, though, she finds herself unsure how she feels about that. When he'd discarded Orpheus, she'd felt kinda sad about it. That was the truest form of his heart, after all, and it just kinda wasn't the same to see the underlings instead. For Aigis, though... well, she kind of just doesn't want to see the android with that Persona. She doesn't deserve him. She never did.

Of course, Orpheus wasn't even the truest form of his heart, was he? It ended up being Messiah. And god, what a brilliant power that was. In his heart, he was always going to die for us, even though I told him not to, even though he promised he wouldn't, so-

Yet again, she shakes her head. She can't keep thinking things like that. It's almost been a month. It's time to look forward. Only forward.

Because really, what's the point in holding to the past? She can't change it. There is no changing it. The only reasonable thing to do now is face the future without faltering. Otherwise he died for nothing.

They fight old Shadows and new alike, and she finds herself mostly just relegated to healing. Whether that's a slight on her or not is kind of hard to tell. Kotone would usually leave her to healing duties, too, after all. But Aigis seems determined not to talk to her, or Kotone for that matter. And doesn't that just figure. She just got her proof, didn't she? All three of us cared about him, but apparently all you have to do to earn his powers is be there with him for a few minutes at the end. It wasn't my fault. It was Nyx. She stole our damn memories and if that hadn't happened I would've been there. Why am I getting blamed for that?

It seems especially cruel to take the wild card away from Kotone. She was his sister, his twin, and yet now she doesn't have the strength to fight. If Orpheus was going to pass to anyone (other than Yukari, who deserved him the most, of course), it should have been Kotone. So why was it Aigis?

Maybe he really did resent us for leaving him for that month, and can I even really blame him for that? But Aigis abandoned him, too, and she didn't even have a good reason. Only fear. We were right there, even if we couldn't remember anything that really mattered. That better not be it. If he hated me when he died-

Yukari sighs. This is gonna be a long mission.

Chapter 5: The Good Left Undone

Chapter Text

Kotone

Their reward for clearing a whole stupid labyrinth of Shadows is a door.

“So, uh,” Kotone says, rubbing her neck awkwardly. “What now?”

Metis nods to the frame. “This is what we are here for. Open it, Sister.”

That's gonna take some time to get used to, Kotone thinks idly, as Aigis steps forward and touches the knob carefully. Their new leader hadn't been speaking much since taking up her duties. Is she trying to mimic Makoto? Or does she just not have anything to say? It's hard to tell.

Aigis hesitates, then looks to Metis. “What can we expect beyond this point?”

“I am as clueless as you are,” Metis admits. “However, given the nature of this place... I believe you will be seeing a memory.”

“A... memory?”

“As I said, it is your own strong emotions that caused time to stall in the first place. It is likely that, beyond this door, you will see one of the memories associated with that strong emotion.”

“But...” Junpei frowns. “Whose memory will it be?”

Metis shrugs. “How should I know?”

Kotone grunts. “You're not very helpful, you know.”

“There is nowhere else to go,” Mitsuru says. “Open the door, Aigis.”

“...Understood.”

The instant the door opens, they are overcome by a flash of white. Then, suddenly, it's as though they're ghostly spectators of another time, their bodies and minds disconnected as they watch something none of them were present for.

Well, almost none of them. Ken stumbles up the stairs of the dorm, towards his old room. He looks disheveled and tired, and there are tear lines along his face. He hesitates by the door that once belonged to Shinji, then sighs and carries on until he reaches his own room.

“What is this?” Akihiko says, softly.

“You don't have to keep your voice down,” Metis tells him. “This is a memory. No one can hear or see us.”

“This...” Ken – present Ken – says. “This is my memory. From...”

“From what?” Mitsuru prods.

“From March seventh...”

Kotone sighs. That just figures. It's not like she didn't know what this was about by now, but there was a part of her that was hoping it would be something else. Something stupid. Something small and minor and inconvenient instead of... this.

Past Ken opens his door and crashes into his room, plopping down at the desk and curling up in a little ball. He sits like that for quite awhile, saying and doing nothing. Then, finally, he looks up, sighs, and takes a few pellets of food to give to the goldfish Shinji won for him at the summer festival. Kotone's a little surprised that it's still alive.

His eyes turn to the photo framed on the desk, and she sees it's the one they took that same night. Kotone sighs to see it. They all look so happy, so blissfully unaware of everything that was coming...

Of course, her eyes land on her brother. Makoto stands there with his hands in his pockets, but he's smiling, and it was that night in particular that he really started smiling easily, naturally. His grey eyes look so bright and vibrant, so full of life...

“You did this for us, didn't you, Makoto-san?” Ken whispers softly, tearing up a little bit again. His words come hard and choked, and his hands are shaking. “That's just like you, isn't it? I don't think you had a selfish bone in your body.” His cuts himself off, reaching out and picking up the picture. “You wanted us all to live. I know it'll be difficult, but I won't let you down.”

Suddenly, the image shifts, and Kotone realizes that they are now in a second memory, something Ken was thinking of during this same time. They're in Tartarus now, and Ken stands next to Makoto. The wild card looks down at his junior with a smile. “You've gone through a lot these past couple months,” he says, softly. “A lot of other people would have given up. You didn't. I admire that sort of strength.”

“You... admire me?” Ken says in return, almost wistfully.

“Does that surprise you?”

“Yes. You and Kotone-san are the strongest people I've ever met.”

Makoto gives a vague shrug. “I still isolated myself like a coward after what happened with Shinji. Kotone still fled into herself when Ryoji told us what was coming. You did neither. You faced reality both times, without faltering. So yes, Ken, I admire you.”

Ken looks to be struggling with that for a little while, and then he looks up and blurts out, “Makoto-san, when I grow up, I want to be just like you.”

Makoto's smile is warm. “You shouldn't be like me. You should be like yourself, Ken.”

The scene returns to Ken's room. “I still don't know what that means, Makoto-san,” he whispers to the picture. “I don't know who 'I' am, yet. But I'll figure it out, someday. I know that's what you would have wanted for me.” He chokes back his tears and manages a small smile. “Thank you. For everything. I won't let you down, I promise.”

Another white flash, and they find themselves back in the Abyss of Time.

“That was...” Akihiko says, quietly.

“My memory,” Ken says, a bit abashed. He doesn't meet their eyes. “I... When we were told Makoto-san had died, I wasn't really sure what to think about it. I knew he had done everything intentionally. I remember what happened that night, at the last battle. How he'd smiled at us before ascending into Nyx. And... I remember being afraid for him, but I knew he wouldn't have done it if he wasn't sure. So... I thought about what he said to me that night in Tartarus. That he... admired me. And I thought I'd hold onto that.”

He blushes and turns away, apparently unable to say anything more.

None of them say anything in return. Kotone has no idea what to say, if she's being honest. She's still recovering from the shock of seeing him again, of hearing him again. It hurt way more than she'd anticipated. After all, she'd seen the picture they used at the funeral, she has memories of her own, but... This was different. It was like he was really still here.

“So what was the point of that?” Yukari asks, sharply, causing them all to jump just a little. “Why show us Ken's memory like that?”

Metis frowns at her. “Obviously this is the root of the emotions that you are all sharing. The loss of this loved one has hurt you all deeply.”

“Great, we figured it out. Can we leave now?”

“Of course not. That was only his memory. To tell the truth, his memory seems relatively weak. There are others here that are causing more damage.”

“Weak?” Mitsuru repeats.

Junpei shrugs. “Well, there's lots of ways to deal with loss, right? Honestly, if that memory's right, Ken's way was pretty healthy. I mean, I know I didn't react that rationally when Chidori died.”

Chidori came back. Makoto won't. Kotone shakes that thought away. It's pointless. “So Ken's memory is just the tip of the iceberg? We're gonna have to see more?”

“Yes,” Metis says.

“I...” Aigis says, sighing softly. “I am not certain I wish to see other memories. I do not want to invade the minds and hearts of my friends.”

“It's the only way out, right?” Akihiko says. “I say we just do it.”

“Agreed,” Yukari says. “Let's just get this over with.”

And, well, Kotone really can't argue with that.

Fuuka

The tension is becoming unbearable.

Yukari and Akihiko are both completely unstable and unpredictable. Kotone is predictable only in her borderline insanity, the madness that seems to be consuming her from the inside. Mitsuru's concern is growing with every step, every battle, and yet she seems determined not to show any of it.

Weirdly, the most stable person here might just be Junpei. Well, and Koromaru, but he's not the same. Ken has been shaken since seeing his memories, and Aigis has been acting differently for a long time, now. Junpei seems to have his emotions decently in check, and it's not a veil. His mind and heart are both relatively collected. Fuuka latches to him like an anchor, and hopes he won't notice.

She would sometimes do that with Makoto when the team was engaged in a difficult battle. After all, everyone else would always get swept up in high-running emotions, while he would remain calm. Clutching to his mental state allowed her to do her job more easily. Without him here, though, she has to improvise. Junpei was working well enough for right now.

No one says anything as they fight through the next block of Shadows. Aigis gives occasional commands, and no one disobeys them, though Fuuka can see the bitter gazes shot her way every now and again. Mostly there's just an unresolved tension trapped in the air, the suffocating atmosphere of words unspoken.

It hurts. She has no idea how to handle it.

“Just chill,” Junpei tells her as they take a break, waiting for Aigis to finish in the Velvet Room. “It ain't gonna get easier, but... Well, we just gotta keep our heads on, right? That's what he would've wanted.”

She thinks this is what differentiates Junpei most from the others right now. Everyone else is so lost in their own feelings, while Junpei seems uniquely interested in what Makoto wants... or, well, wanted. She asks him about this, and he shrugs. “When Chidori died, he told me that it was what she wanted. That she gave her life for mine, and she meant it. I guess I just think about that a lot. Makoto died for all of us. So we could live. I don't wanna waste that, and I don't wanna spit on his grave.”

She thinks about that carefully as they make their way towards the second door.

When they reach it, Aigis hesitates once again before opening it. Upon doing so, they are transported yet again into the past. This time, the scene opens up in the hallway of the dorm, just outside Makoto's room. Lying outside it is Koromaru, who stares and whines at the wood. Fuuka feels her heart melt a little bit.

After a moment, the dog pads forward and paws at the wood softly, but receives no response. He whines again, then curls up on the ground yet again.

There's a flash of white, and suddenly they're in the dorm's kitchen. Makoto's there, with his blue apron on, and he's cooking something. The smell is intoxicating to Fuuka, and she realizes that, thanks to the memory, she has Koro-chan's sense of smell right now.

The dog stands by, waiting anxiously for his meal. When Makoto finishes, he pours the meat into a bowl, then smiles down at the dog. “Gotta wait a few minutes for it to cool down, okay?”

“Arf!”

Makoto chuckles lightly and kneels down, scratching him behind the ears. Fuuka can feel the pleasure Koro feels at this, the warmth. Everyone always felt warm around Makoto, didn't they?

The scene shifts a little, with Koromaru eating his meal out in the lounge, while Makoto sits on the couch next to him, watching with a kind smile. When Koro looks up, Fuuka realizes that Aigis has entered the room. “Koromaru-san thanks you for the food, Makoto-san,” she says.

“It's no problem.”

“Koromaru-san considers your meals to be the equal of Aragaki-san's.”

Makoto chuckles. “I'm no Shinji.” He kneels down once more and pets Koro softly. “Don't worry, though, boy. He'll be back, soon. You won't have to deal with my poor substitutions for long.”

Koromaru whines sadly. “Ah,” Aigis says. “Koromaru-san is displeased by your disparagement of your own skills, Makoto-san.”

When Makoto laughs this time, it's so bright and genuine that it makes Fuuka's heart flutter. “I guess no one taught the dog about self-deprecating humor, huh? It's okay, Koro, I know my food's good. I'm just poking a little fun at myself.”

“Bark!”

“Koromaru-san understands.”

The scene shifts slightly, and Makoto is gone. Aigis remains, though, and she crouches down by Koro to speak to him, as she so often does. “You are also quite fond of Makoto-san, are you not, Koromaru-san?”

“Arf!”

“Truly?”

“Arf!”

Aigis nods, but doesn't translate. There was no need to, at the time, after all. “He is... precious to me, as well. I often wonder what that means. Do you think I will ever understand?”

Koromaru whines softly.

“Thank you for your consideration, Koromaru-san.”

“Arf!”

The memory returns to Koromaru sitting silently outside Makoto's door. All of them stand in silence for a moment, before Akihiko turns to Aigis and says, “Uh... When you asked him if he was fond of Makoto...? What did he tell you?”

Aigis hesitates slightly. “Do... Do you all recall the priest that Koromaru-san lived with, before joining us? It would seem that, eventually, Makoto-san took on a similar role for him. Koromaru-san viewed him, more than the rest of us, as his rightful master.” She looks at the sand beneath her feet. “He... was most distraught to be told of his death.”

Fuuka draws in a slow breath, and tries not to cry.

Koromaru's memory shifts again, and this time he's at the shrine, standing near the flowers that stand in memory of the priest. Makoto crouches down next to him, and it's clear from the weather that this is January. “You're worried about the future, aren't you?” Makoto asks.

Koro whines softly.

“Yeah. I get it. But we're not gonna leave you behind, you know? Whatever you want to do, we'll make it happen. If you want to return to the shrine, that's fine. If you'd rather stay with one of us-”

“Arf!”

Makoto smiles slightly. “You wanna stay with me, boy?”

Koromaru barks happily, then licks Makoto's face.

Makoto laughs. As always, the sound brightens the mood considerably, before the dampening reality of his fate smothers their joy. “Alright, then. We'll make that happen. You can stay with me. Once I've graduated high school, I'll head off to college. Then it'll be you, me, and Yukari. Would you like that?” He scratches the dog behind the ears. “Kotone'll probably stay with us for a little while, too. She's not really ready to be alone yet, I think. She will be one day, though. And I have a feeling Aigis will want to stick around, too. As long as Yukari's okay with it, I would be more than happy to have her stay with us. She means a lot to me. To all of us.”

“Arf!”

“We'll be one big happy family, huh?” Koromaru nuzzles against Makoto's side, and the two of them sit in quiet silence for a little while.

After a long moment passes, Makoto's smile fades slightly, and he looks down. “Hey, Koro? Could you keep a secret for me?”

“Arf?”

“I need you to promise not to tell anyone. Even Aigis.”

Koromaru hesitates a little bit, before barking what seems to be his agreement.

Makoto nods, looking at the flowers left for the priest. “I... don't know if I'm gonna make it back from this last battle.” Koro whines next to him, and Makoto shakes his head. “It's just a feeling I get. I'm not quite sure what it is. But...” He meets the dog's gaze and smiles a little bit. “I want you to know, if I do die... It'll be worth it, as long as all of you get to live. I love you all so much.”

Koromaru whines again.

“Hey, no need for that,” Makoto says, hugging the dog against him. “Everything's gonna be okay. It's gonna work out exactly like it's supposed to.”

With that, the memory fades.

No one speaks for a long moment in the Abyss of Time. Fuuka just stares at her feet, unsure what to think. She hadn't even really expected to see Koro-chan's memories, and now that she has...

“I didn't realize the two of them were so close...” she whispers.

Koromaru whines next to her.

“He...” Aigis hesitates. “He says that he misses Makoto-san greatly.”

“Man,” Junpei says, shaking his head. “Join the club, boy.”

There's nothing left to be said.

Yukari

After another long series of battles, they're faced with another door.

Are we seriously gonna have to watch memories from all of us? It's gonna take forever, especially if the Shadows keep getting more powerful. Aigis keeps taking breaks to go to the Velvet Room, too, and the whole thing is just really starting to drag.

She's aware that it'll only ever take one day. When they get out of this, it'll be April first and they can carry on like nothing happened. But, well, the memory of the time will remain. At least, she hopes it will. Unpleasant as it may be, she really doesn't want to lose any more memories. That's an experience she really could do without repeating.

Yet again, Aigis hesitates at the door. “Just open it,” Yukari grumbles, and Aigis does as she demands.

Instantly, they're transported into the dorm lounge, where Fuuka sits alone on the couch, tapping her fingers against her leg. The scene is all too familiar. This is pretty much all Fuuka did during that long period where they were waiting for news.

A moment passes unremarked, and Yukari's about to ask if anything's actually going to happen when Mitsuru opens the door. She looks over at the lounge, sees only Fuuka there, and sighs. “Where is everyone?”

“Yukari and Kotone are both in their rooms,” Fuuka answers, her voice hoarse. Her eyes are red from crying, and her face is deathly pale. “Junpei went out a little while ago. So did Ken and Akihiko-senpai. I think Koro-chan went with them.”

“So it's just you here?”

“And you,” Fuuka says, trying to force a smile.

Mitsuru attempts to return it, then sighs. “I've just returned from the hospital. I talked to the doctors, and the administrators. They want to perform an autopsy.”

“Is... that a good idea?”

“I don't think so. I told them not to do it. They fought me, of course, since the cause of death is unknown, but... I don't want him to become a medical mystery. I think it's best if we leave this as it is, as painful as that might be. So...” She hesitates, looking away. “They're going to cremate him tomorrow.”

Fuuka starts. Something like a flash of pain goes through Yukari, and she realizes that she's feeling Fuuka's emotions. “That seems rather sudden.”

“Why delay? I...” Mitsuru sighs, shakes her head again. “I need to tell Yukari and Kotone. They both need to be there. And Aigis... I don't know if Aigis will come, but I'll try and speak to her. I just don't want Yukari or Kotone to miss seeing him this last time. I know it will be difficult, but...”

“They'll regret it if they don't,” Fuuka whispers.

“...Yes.”

“I could-”

“No. This is something I should do. I... I don't think it would be kind of me to thrust this duty onto a junior. Besides, with your special abilities, I doubt you've been able to process your own emotions.”

Fuuka seems surprised at this, but Mitsuru just shakes her head. “I've seen how much pain you seem to be in whenever Yukari and Kotone are near. You should get out of the dorm, if you can. I realize you want to be there for them, but your feelings are important, too.”

A small smile comes to Fuuka's face. “That's something he told me.”

“He said it to me, too. I wonder if he ever actually learned that lesson himself. When he spent that month alone, did he feel sorry for himself, or did he only think of us? I admit that the idea troubles me.”

“I...” Fuuka hesitates, uncertain.

Yukari feels her heart lurch. Did he think about himself? He better have. He was dying, falling apart for an entire month. If he really didn't think anything of that, did he actually change at all in that year? He must have, surely. He said he wanted to live... Was that just a lie?

Mitsuru draws in a cold breath, and then reaches into her bag. “He didn't have much on him. To tell the truth, I'm amazed he was able to get dressed before leaving. He was clearly in terrible condition. But...” She pulls out an item. A pair of headphones. “These were on him. They are the ones you made for him, yes?”

Fuuka has to hold back tears as she reaches forward. “Yes. I gave these to him. I...”

The scene shifts. They're still in the lounge, but it's not the same. It's an earlier time. It's evening, and Fuuka and... and Makoto sit alone on the couches.

Why do they have to keep showing me him I don't want to see him I can't-

They have one headphone each, and he's listening intently. Fuuka herself seems more focused on him, watching his reaction to every sound. Yukari, through Fuuka's ears, can hear the song. It's one he'd shown her before. She has to hold herself together tightly upon hearing it.

“What sort of magic did you use on these?” he asks, his always gentle voice seeming to tickle her ears and stab at her heart.

Fuuka giggles, and Yukari can feel the heart fluttering. “No magic, just technology.”

“It must be revolutionary.”

“O-oh... It's nothing special.”

“I'm serious, Fuuka. I've never heard music sound so clear.”

“I'm so happy to hear that. Honestly, I don't really listen to much music. Only classical, the sort of things we play in club... When I was testing these, I didn't entirely know what to listen for...”

“Maybe you should go into producing. You have an ear for it.”

A brief shift, and then Makoto's standing. “Thank you, Fuuka,” he says.

“It's nothing, Makoto-kun,” she says, smiling lightly. “I needed to thank you for all you've done for me, after all...”

“You don't need to thank me, Fuuka. But I'm grateful, nonetheless.”

Another minor shift, and Makoto's at the stairs. He turns back to face Fuuka, and she blushes a little upon seeing him look at her. “You said you don't listen to much music, Fuuka?”

“Oh, yes. I just never really tried much of it. I want to start, but there's just so much out there, it's a bit intimidating...”

“I'll make you a playlist.”

She beams. “You would do that?”

“I have to repay you for your kindness.”

The memory cuts back, and Fuuka takes the headphones from Mitsuru. “I'm... glad he at least held onto these, until... until the end...”

Mitsuru watches her carefully, then sighs once more. “Keep them, Fuuka. I'm sure he would have wanted you to have them back.”

“I... don't know...”

“Until we are willing to enter his room, we won't know if he left behind any sort of will. And... no one seems able to do so just yet. To tell the truth, I'm uncomfortable doing it, too. I don't...” She cuts herself off, shaking her head and standing. “Just... keep the headphones, Fuuka. Please.”

Left alone once again, Fuuka clutches the headphones to her heart. She runs her fingers along the cans, sighing softly to herself.

The memory returns to the old one, the one of her and Makoto alone on that evening, but a bit earlier, apparently. “So,” he says, kicking his feet up on the coffee table, “what will you do, after high school?”

“After high school? I suppose I'll go to university.”

“What will you study?”

“I'm not sure. I suppose I have a year to think about it.”

“Given what you've said about your hobbies, I'd say you should study electrical engineering.”

She starts, and Yukari can feel the butterflies rattling about in her stomach. Was Fuuka always this nervous around him? “I... I don't...”

Makoto shrugs. “Yeah, you'd probably be one of the only girls in the degree, but who cares? Life is precious, and finite. You really shouldn't force yourself to do things that you find no meaning in.”

“It's just...” She hesitates. “It's not normal...”

Makoto snorts, and Fuuka seems to jump a bit. “Why should that matter? People always say I'm weird.” She stares at him, bewildered, and he chuckles. “Do you think I'm completely oblivious? I know people think I'm strange. Despite that, I have friends. I'm dating one of the most popular girls in school. If I were normal, I wouldn't have had any of that. I would have been just another face in the crowd.”

“A face in the crowd...” Fuuka repeats.

“Just like you.”

Another lurch, as Fuuka seems to shrink in on herself upon hearing this accusation.

“You're special,” Makoto continues, that same warmth he was always known for permeating his every word. Even through a memory, it comforts and hurts Yukari in equal parts to hear it. “But, in your desperation to be normal, you put yourself into a position where the best of you was smothered. Don't you find it interesting that you only really made friends once the odder parts of your personality starting showing?”

The memory returns to the other lounge, and then to Fuuka climbing the stairs, and then to her sitting in her room, the headphones sat on her ears and plugged into her computer. A peeking glance allows Yukari to see that a playlist is loaded on the computer, plainly the one that Makoto said he would make for her.

Fuuka sighs and wipes away a tear as the last song finishes, then takes off the headphones. “I will be myself, Makoto,” she whispers to herself. Or are they just hearing her thoughts verbalized? Anything's possible, Yukari thinks. “I won't hide what makes me different. I'll be like you. I won't waste the gift you gave us.”

The memory fades, and once more they find themselves in the Abyss.

“That didn't seem so bad, either,” Junpei says, since he's apparently the authority of healthy coping mechanisms. Yukari would scold him for thinking he knows everything, but honestly she's just so damn tired from seeing him again. God, why the hell does this have to happen?

“I agree,” Mitsuru says. “Yamagishi handled things rather admirably, I must say.”

“I just...” Fuuka says, softly. “I don't want to disappoint him.”

“Okay, three down,” Yukari says, cutting through the chatter. “Still got a bunch more to go, right? Let's get back to it.” Without waiting for a response, she turns her back on the door. She doesn't want to see it anymore.

Chapter 6: Futile Devices

Chapter Text

Junpei

He has a feeling it's gonna get worse.

Both Ken and Fuuka's coping seemed pretty healthy to him. Not pleasant, by any means, but they'd both faced their feelings and accepted things as they were. There are way worse ways to handle loss. And that's what worries him. He thinks the next one's gonna be worse, and then the one after will be worse than it, and so on and so on.

And, f*ck, he really doesn't wanna see Yukari's. Or Kotone's.

Or, honestly, his own.

He keeps looking over at Yukari as they fight Shadows, and every time he does he gets more concerned. She's trying so hard to keep her face straight and her actions tight, but he can't forget the look on her face when Makoto showed up in those memories. Kotone was no different. Both of them had tensed up massively, and god it hurt so much to see...

Junpei honestly wasn't sure how he felt about it. Seeing Makoto again... He never really thought that would happen. Even in memories...

He wonders what his own memory will be like.

For now, he fights Shadows. He follows Aigis' commands, he supports Fuuka when she needs it, gives Mitsuru someone to talk to when she needs it. He'd love to help the others, but... that's a task easier said than done.

When they reach the next door, he braces himself as Aigis pushes it open.

The memory takes them, of all places, to the student council room at Gekkoukan. Mitsuru stands with Fushimi and Odagiri, looking at an overflowing pile of papers. “Half the school is demanding to know what happened,” Odagiri mutters, and he looks a little worse for wear himself. “The faculty are no different. Especially since you want his final scores stricken from his record.”

“He was dying,” Mitsuru says, and her voice almost comes out as a snarl. “The idea of leaving his record as tarnished by a low score when he was actually dying-”

“Does it make a difference?”

Chihiro seems to shrink in on herself upon hearing that, and Odagiri instantly sighs. “I just... Nothing we do can change this outcome. All we can do is honor him as best we can.” He looks to Mitsuru. “We want to help you plan his funeral. That's the least we can do.”

“I appreciate it,” Mitsuru says, softly. “The others in the dorm are so distraught, I can't get help from any of them, and... I can't do this alone.”

“I understand.”

“I... do not feel as though I'm the right one to plan his funeral, though. I never knew him very well, and...” Mitsuru sighs, stands and walks over to the window. “I should have spoken to him more. We lived in the same dorm for so long, he was so close, and yet...”

“You are his senior,” Odagiri says, attempting to comfort her.

“And he was my senior,” Chihiro says, her voice a squeak in the background that, even in a memory, Junpei has to strain himself to hear. “He always made time for me, though.”

Mitsuru nods solemnly. “Makoto... was special.”

“That's an understatement,” Odagiri says.

“The reality is that no funeral could ever make good on the tragedy of this. I could give him diamonds and flowers, a twenty-one gun salute, an extravagant day worthy of kings... but I don't even know if he would have appreciated it. Makoto was a simple man, wasn't he?”

Chihiro nods. “He...” Whatever she was going to say is cut off when she shrinks in on herself.

Mitsuru apparently hadn't been listening back then. The scene shifts, like it did for the other memories, and they're suddenly in Makoto's room. Mitsuru stands near the desk, while Makoto sits on his bed, holding an acoustic guitar in his hands. “Could you play something for me?” Mitsuru asks, almost shyly.

Makoto strums out some notes. Junpei doesn't recognize the song. “Would you like me to sing?”

“Can you sing?”

“You can judge that.” Junpei almost has to laugh. What a Yuki thing to say.

“Then go ahead.”

Makoto starts playing, then begins to sing, but in English. Still, Junpei can kinda figure out the vibe, if nothing else. A strange sort of hopeful sadness, a mournful and yet optimistic feeling. It seems oddly apt for Makoto. And, well, even without being able to understand the words, Junpei finds himself stunned by Makoto's voice. Should've taken him to karaoke, he thinks idly.

Mitsuru seems to study him, taking a seat about halfway through the song and looking him over carefully. Makoto, on the other hand, hardly seems to be aware she's even in the room. That also seems pretty in character, honestly. The guy could fade into his own little world whenever he wanted.

When he finishes, Mitsuru stares for a long moment, then says, “You have an astonishing voice, Yuki.”

The smirk that crosses his lips might have belonged to Kotone. “Is that a compliment?”

“I... I think so?”

“Then thank you.”

“Why pick that song?”

Makoto shrugs. “Kotone always liked it. She likes classic rock, especially from the west. I guess you speak enough English to understand it?”

No, Junpei thinks, while Mitsuru responds, “Yes. I am far from fluent, but I have learned enough to understand the gist of most things.”

“Good. Though I think you would've gotten it even without the lyrics. The chords themselves tell a story.”

Junpei finds himself thinking that he wishes he'd talked about music more with Makoto. It's kinda weird, to see the guy so... alive? That's especially weird to think now of all times, but there weren't really many things that could awaken passion in Makoto. Even cooking seemed to be something he did mostly to occupy himself, rather than a real passion. Right here and now, though, with that guitar in his hands, he just seems so... happy.

“Still...” Mitsuru is saying. “That is an odd song to choose just now. Did you mean anything by it?”

Makoto shrugs again. “Sometimes I play it for Yukari. It helps. The whole point is to not be afraid of death. I guess that's something we need to keep in mind right now. They mean it in a different way, I suppose. Acceptance of death. But... Well, it can cut both ways, can't it?”

Mitsuru chuckles. “I suppose so.”

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

“To tell the truth, nothing in particular. I simply felt that the two of us have not spoken much, and that I should remedy that. If you would prefer-”

“No, no. I actually agree. I've wanted to talk to you for a little while, too.”

“I admit that I am... curious. About your situation with Ryoji. With Death.”

“I'll answer whatever questions I can. Not sure how many that will be, though.”

Junpei kinda figured the memory would go in this direction. Mitsuru is a task-oriented person. She wasn't gonna just show up to Makoto's door to hear him play guitar. She always has an agenda. He wonders if she regrets that, now that Makoto's gone. Then again, she pretty much said that already.

“So then, before-”

“If we're going to talk about this,” Makoto says, sharply, interrupting her, “you need to relax. I'm not doing this if it's going to be an interrogation. Sorry. But I agreed to a conversation. Not a berating.”

Junpei almost laughs. Only the Yukis could say something like that to Mitsuru Kirijo.

Mitsuru sighs. “Let's start over, then. I would like to know if you are doing okay, considering your situation. Your well being is of great importance to myself and the rest of the team.”

He shrugs. “I faced my demons. You saw Thanatos. I've accepted Ryoji, accepted Death.”

“Do you resent me or my family for what happened to you?”

“No.”

She raises an eyebrow suspiciously. “You don't need to lie.”

“I'm not.”

“You should resent the Kirijos. If not for us, you would have lived an ordinary life. You would not have been sentenced to this cruel fate, to this impossible battle. It is not something you should have had to deal with.”

He shrugs. “I don't really mind.”

Mitsuru gawks, then shakes her head. “It's sometimes very difficult to read you, Yuki.”

The scene shifts back to the student council room, and Mitsuru is still staring out the window. “He was not an easy person to understand...” she mutters to herself. “Or is it just that I was unable to understand him? The others seem to know him so much better than me, and...”

“Kirijo-san?” Odagiri says, interrupting her musings.

“I... My apologies. I was just thinking...”

Odagiri sighs. “I think we should take a break. This doesn't need to be done today. It's too soon. We're all still too lost. I...” He looks away, and Junpei finds himself realizing that even someone like this can fall apart in the right circ*mstances. “Let's resume this tomorrow.”

Mitsuru isn't even listening to him. Her memory shifts yet again, and they're on the train. Mitsuru stands next to Makoto near the doors, looking out over the ocean. Judging by the weather, this happened back in October or November.

“You need to talk to someone,” Makoto mutters, and Junpei realizes that this happened during his whole separation phase. He's talking in monotone, and his face is still and blank.

“I talk to you, don't I?”

“Someone that isn't me.”

Mitsuru laughs, but there's nothing even resembling joy in it. It's a cold, bitter laugh. “And here I'd been told you were a good listener.”

“You've already got all your thoughts out in the open,” he says, still not looking at her. “All that's left is for you to make a decision about the future. I can't help you with that.”

“Can you not?”

“You shouldn't make the same choice I made.”

“Do you disapprove of your own choice? If so, why do you not change it?”

Only then does Makoto make eye contact. “My decision was right for me. It isn't right for you. You need to make your own choice.”

“And just why is your decision so right for you?”

Makoto hesitates for a long time. He faces the window again and watches the water, while Mitsuru watches him. “I've always sort of known that I wouldn't be around forever,” he says, without faltering. Junpei feels something lurch in him. Is that Mitsuru's reaction, or his own? “I don't entirely know why, but I never expected I would live to an old age. I can't really explain it. I just know that I'll die young.”

Even in the memory, you could hear a pin drop. Holy sh*t, Junpei thinks, staring wide-eyed at the past. He actually knew, even back then?

“I dedicated my existence to protecting others rather than myself,” Makoto continues, completely oblivious to the horror past Mitsuru (and present SEES) feels at the utterance of those words. “That's my reason for existing. You have more than that. Or, at least, you can have more than that. If you try.”

A long moment of silence passes, and Junpei takes care not to look at the others. He focuses his attention on the past. Honestly, he can't stand to see what they think of this. It's insane. It's horrifying. He can hardly handle hearing it himself. He doesn't want to know what they feel.

“I am concerned about you, Yuki,” Mitsuru says, after an extremely long silence.

“I'm more worried about you,” Makoto says, as the train comes to a stop. “Talk to Yukari,” he says, and then he disappears into the crowd.

The scene fades again, but this time they're in Mitsuru's room at the dorm. Junpei's never been in there, and the luxury instantly shocks him. Damn, so she's even got her own little mansion in the dorms, huh? She sits on a couch, staring at a picture on the table. It's the one from the festival, the one they all have a blend of affection and hatred for. This version is cropped so that only Makoto remains.

Mitsuru sighs and runs her hands through her hair. “I was supposed to be the leader of SEES,” she mutters. “I was supposed to keep everyone safe. And yet, every time that was necessary, it was you who protected them. With Shinji, with Junpei... And then everyone, in the end.” She chokes on a sob, and picks up the picture, staring into Makoto's still eyes. “It was the Kirijo Group that caused all this. Why couldn't I have paid the price for that? Why did it have to be you?”

A white light flashes, and they find themselves back in the present.

“He...” Kotone says, looking away from the others. “He actually told you he expected to die young?”

Mitsuru hesitates, staring off into the sandy void beyond the door. “...Yes,” she admits, after a long while. “I wasn't sure what to think of it. It's such an odd thing to say. But... I didn't think he was suicidal. I still do not think so. I believe his desire to live was genuine.”

“Then why's he dead?”

“Because of the circ*mstances,” Akihiko grunts, crossing his arms. “You can't act like he killed himself. He didn't.”

“Well, you weren't wrong on one point,” Yukari grumbles. “It shouldn't have been him.”

“No,” Mitsuru agrees, still averting her gaze. “It really shouldn't have been him.”

Yukari

She's more disturbed by Mitsuru's memories than she cares to admit, even to herself.

Every time I held him, I felt like he was going to disappear. Did he really have a feeling like that, too? Why? And he said he'd always had it... Did he anticipate his death, even before he met any of us? The idea is too painful to consider for long, so she tries to block it out.

That, fortunately, is relatively easy. She's put on the front lines, finally, and gets the opportunity to unleash some hell on the Shadows. If she's trapped here with the stupid monsters, she can at least destroy some of them personally. Aigis still avoids speaking to her, but that's fine. She doesn't want to talk to the android, either. She really doesn't want to talk to anyone.

Maybe I'll look into transferring. Obviously Port Island is cursed or something. I should just get out of here. There's nothing left for me, anyway. It would also put an end to this crap about seeing her mom. If she moved back to Kyoto or into Tokyo or something, at least she would have a decent excuse to stay distant.

It all goes the same, mostly. Aigis gives vague, uncertain commands. Metis glares at Kotone and Yukari. Mitsuru worries. Junpei acts like he knows more than he does. Akihiko grumbles, Fuuka sulks, Koromaru whines. She wonders how she put up with this for a year the first time around.

When they reach the door this time, Aigis opens it without hesitation.

They're transported to a hospital room, where Akihiko sits next to Shinjiro's bedside. “You feelin' any better?” he asks.

“Yeah. It's not so bad, now.”

“You got shot twice. I don't think you've recovered yet.”

“Says you. Remember that injury you took last April? Kept insisting you could still fight.”

Akihiko scoffs. “You weren't even in the dorm, then. Or in SEES.”

“Yeah, well, you never left me alone, even then. I remember that sh*t. Your whole right side was all f*cked up, and you still wanted to fight the Shadows. You feel good about that, now?”

Instantly, Akihiko sighs and shrinks in on himself a bit. “I've been training a lot more, again.”

“Thought you'd move on from that.”

“I did, after what happened with you. But...” He shakes his head. “I don't know. I can't stop thinking about that last fight. We were all there, at the highest point of Tartarus, but none of us could stand. And then Makoto got up, and he made it look so easy.” Akihiko sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I just wonder how the hell he did it. I tried, I really tried, and I couldn't stand up.”

“Would you have done it? Instead of him?”

“Yes.” Akihiko doesn't hesitate. “None of us ever acted like it, but I was his senior. It was my duty to protect him, and the others. I failed in that.”

“Nah. You didn't fail.”

Just like the other memories, the scene changes, and Yukari braces herself to see him again. It hurts a little less each time, she supposes... or maybe she's just going numb. It's hard to tell.

This time, they end up on the second floor of the Iwatodai strip mall, sometime in the evening. Akihiko stands near the entrance to Hagakure, while Makoto walks over and leans against the rail. “You feel ready for the final fight?” Akihiko asks.

“I'm more than ready. I'm looking forward to it.”

“Even if this is final?”

“Like I said, we're going to save this world. No matter what.” The determination in Makoto's eyes is something to behold. Yukari remembers it well, how strong he had looked on the day he visited her in the hospital. He lets out a sigh, and his breath floats up in the cold January air. “It's entirely possible that some of us, or all of us, won't make it back. Even victory can come with a cost. Someone's gotta pay it. If I'm one of the ones that has to go... I'll do it, and gladly.”

Gladly, Yukari thinks, and she bites her lip so hard she tastes blood.

“Yuki...” Akihiko mutters.

“I'm not afraid of death, not anymore. I want to live, and I'll fight my hardest to make sure that happens. But if I have to die, I will. I'm not worried about that.”

Akihiko sighs, then takes the place next to Makoto at the rail. “It won't come to that.”

“Probably not. Hopefully not.”

“Why'd you tell me this? Seems like the kind of thing you'd usually discuss with Takeba, or your sister.”

At the mention of them, Makoto's face falls a little bit. “They wouldn't understand. They want me to live, regardless of what that means. I think they'd rather none of us come back than only some of us. It's not something I agree with. I think you understand that.”

“Yeah. I think I do. If I've gotta die to save this world, I'll do it, too.”

Another flash, and they're back in the hospital. “He told me he was willing to die, if it was necessary,” Akihiko mutters to Shinjiro. “It must have been necessary, then, since it happened. It's not like he went down unexpectedly. When he stood up, you could see it in his eyes. He knew he was gonna die, and he made peace with that.”

Shinjiro remains silent for a moment, his dark eyes watching Akihiko closely. “The kid wasn't always good at judging what was necessary.”

“Says you. You tried to get yourself killed.”

“To atone.”

“f*ck your atonement,” Akihiko growls, shaking his head. “I have to believe this was necessary. If it wasn't, then... I don't know if I could handle that. It has to have been necessary.”

“If you say so.”

“Makoto was the best of us. I just... can't imagine he would die for no reason. If he's dead, there was a purpose behind it. I have to believe that.”

Shinjiro nods solemnly. “How're the others handling it?”

“How do you think? It's been rough. Especially for Kotone and Takeba.”

“Were they still dating?”

“Yeah. Practically joined at the hip. You'd think they were already married. Can't even imagine what this must be like for her. And for Kotone. I mean, he was her twin.”

Shinjiro looks out the window. “It all happened for a reason, huh...?” He sighs. “You really believe that, or are you just pretending you do?”

“I don't know,” Akihiko admits.

A white flash, they're back in the Abyss. “That was a short one,” Yukari mutters.

“It... seems like he had a feeling about his fate,” Fuuka says, her voice almost a squeak in the back of their little group. “I wonder how long he felt like that...”

Does it matter? He knew he was going to die, even before we lost our memories, and he never said anything to me. A memory squirms in her brain, but she pushes it away. She can't handle thinking about these things. I should have just let him push me away when he tried. Maybe if I'd never cared about him in the first place it would've been better. At least then-

She almost chokes on that thought, because the idea of not caring about him is almost more painful than the idea of losing him, and-

God, she can't take this any longer.

“Just a couple more doors, right?” she says, interrupting whatever stupid conversation had been happening while she was lost in thoughts. “Let's get going.”

Mitsuru hesitates. “Yukari, don't you think you're pushing yourself a little too hard?”

Pushing myself too hard!? She wasn't the one who dragged them here. She wasn't the one who created the stupid Abyss of Time. She wasn't the one who brought Metis into this, or gave Aigis the wild card. She was trying to get away from this nonsense.

She shakes her head and turns away. “We've got to keep going, right? Otherwise we'll never get out.”

“It might not be a bad idea to, y'know, talk a bit,” Junpei says. “We're watching memories of coping. I don't think it's a good idea to just ignore what they mean.”

“When the hell did you become a therapist?” Yukari spits. “You don't know anything about this stuff. Don't pretend you do.”

He doesn't flinch. “I know a couple things about loss. And I know a lot about bottling feelings up. It doesn't help.”

“That's why we're not bottling sh*t up, right?” Kotone says. “We're baring all our emotions for each other to see through these doors. Not like we've been hiding anything anyway. He's gone. It sucks. We're all miserable. The doors haven't shown us anything we didn't already know.”

“I don't agree,” Mitsuru says. “We have all handled this differently.”

“Yup,” Junpei says. “And we ain't gonna make any real progress till we talk about this sh*t.” He holds up his hands in surrender when Yukari glares at him. “I'm not saying I've got all the answers, or it's all gonna be okay once we talk about it, but... You really think it's healthy to just keep it all inside?”

“That's not what we're doing,” she says.

“Yeah, it is. You and Kotone. And Ai-chan.”

“I...?” Aigis says, seemingly unable to respond to this. She's been so quiet lately, most of them have been pretty much just forgetting she's even here. Yukari wishes she weren't.

“You think I don't get this?” Junpei continues, bulling onward. “When Chidori died, I locked myself up in my room. You guys got me outta that.”

“Chidori came back.”

“You think I knew that would happen?”

“Everyone, please!” Aigis calls. “I don't think we should fight like this!”

“Tell that to Stupei,” Yukari growls. She glares daggers at him. “I'm moving forward. That's what he wanted us to do, and that's what I'm doing.”

He stares at her for a moment, then shakes his head. “Yeah, yeah. Let's see your memory. Then we'll talk about what you're doing.”

Aigis

She honestly doesn't know what to do.

The team never argued like this when Kotone-san was in command. They argued even less during the brief moments Makoto-san was in charge. Yet now they are fighting constantly.

Aigis, having no other model for leadership, had attempted to emulate the twins. Lacking their natural charisma and magnetism, however, she's found herself at a loss. She is not human. She cannot resolve disputes. She cannot comfort the others. She cannot help them, or solve their problems, when the twins always could.

Once again she finds herself wondering: why me? Any of them could have received the wild card. Kotone-san could have kept hers. And yet it was Aigis who was granted his power, a power she does not (and cannot) understand.

She says as much to Igor, who simply smiles enigmatically and says, “Nothing that happens in the Velvet Room is an accident. If you awakened to the power of the wild card, it is because you have the strength of heart necessary to wield it.”

Elizabeth-san pulls her aside before she can leave the Velvet Room. “I think it would be wise, my dear guest, for you to recall your bond with Makoto-san. It is not common for a wild card to awaken to the power of a former wild card. There are times when one might borrow the power of another, but it has never before been seen that a wild card's first power is the same as one who preceded them. Your original power is now Orpheus, just as it was his. Remember that. And trust in your heart.”

Trust in your heart, Aigis thinks, uncertainly. Fuuka-san had given her that same advice, once. It was Makoto-san who gave her this heart, after all...

She returns to the group, and commands them to organize, and tries hard to ignore the scathing look on Yukari-san's face.

The Shadows only get all the more challenging. Those who had their memories revealed are odd in battle now, she notices. There's a blend of relief and discomfort. The relief is due to having the worst be over, she suspects, while the discomfort is for having their hearts laid so bare before the others. Aigis swaps them in and out of the front lines.

Kotone-san and Yukari-san are as brutal as before, which puts Aigis ill at ease. She wonders if she should force them to act as backup members for the moment. The idea is disquieting, but she is equally uncomfortable keeping them around. What will we see in their memories, I wonder...

For that matter, what will be seen in her memories?

Aigis doesn't allow herself to consider that. She opens the next door without hesitation, without waiting even a moment for the others to prepare themselves. It's better this way.

Yet again, they end up in a hospital room. This one does not belong to Shinjiro-san, though. It is Chidori that sits in the bed, and Junpei-san that sits in the chair next to her. “I'm, uh... sorry,” he says, softly. “For not coming more. I really should've-”

“You lost your memories.”

“I... Yeah. How'd you know about that?”

“Your friend told me.”

“My friend...?”

“Yuki.”

Junpei-san's eyes go wide. “Wait, he visited you? When?”

Chidori shrugs. “A few weeks ago. He told me that you lost your memories due to your confrontation with a deity known as Nyx.”

“Wait... He explained everything?”

“Yes.”

“He...”

Junpei trails off, and Aigis understands his impulse. Though she had not been present at the dorm during February, she understood that Makoto-san never actually even attempted to explain his condition to the others. Yet he divulged it all to Chidori?

The past version of Junpei seems just as confused about this, so he asks her. Chidori shrugs again and says, “He told me that I was different. That none of you would understand until your memories returned. He said I would understand regardless. I did.”

“I... can't believe this...”

“He told me he was dying.”

Yet again, Junpei-san's eyes go wide. “He did?”

“Well? Is he still alive?”

“...No. He passed away a couple days ago.”

“I'm sorry to hear it. I would have liked to speak to him again.” Chidori glances out the window. “I do not resent you for not visiting me. He explained your situation. It is understandable. I don't blame you.”

“I... Thanks, Chidori.”

“You fought for me.”

“Huh?”

“He told me. The others were all determined to get information from me, no matter what. You defended me, even though I kidnapped you. I remember none of it, and yet his words reminded me of things I did not think myself capable of doing.” She shakes her head. “You should have hated me. Instead, you defended me. Why?”

Junpei hesitates. “You mean a lot to me, Chidori,” he says at last.

When she looks at him again, there's the faintest hint of a smile on her face. “I think...” she says, softly. “I think that you are the one from my dream. You are, aren't you?”

“I...”

“You don't have to answer that. I know it is true already. Yuki didn't have to say it, but I know that he was aware, too. He was a good man. I wish I could have known him better.”

“...Yeah. He was one of the best.”

Just like before, the scene switches, and suddenly they are standing in Wilduck Burger. Junpei-san and Makoto-san stand in line together, and Aigis realizes that this is from the day she saw the movie with the two of them and Yukari-san. Eternal Love. She had not understood it, and Junpei and Yukari had argued about their explanations. Then they'd gone to get food, and she and Yukari had gone to get a table while the boys ordered.

“How're you holding up?” Makoto-san asks.

“Good and bad,” Junpei-san says back. “I dunno. Sometimes I feel really good, then I feel guilty for feeling good, and then I feel guilty for feeling bad.”

“Yeah. I get that.”

“Did you have that?”

“Sometimes I still do.”

“Damn.”

Makoto gives the line ahead of them a vague look, then shrugs. “It's not just the loss itself, you know. Sometimes it's other people's expectations. I've been the kid with dead parents for as long as I can remember. Sometimes I feel bad just because I feel like I'm supposed to.”

Junpei nods. “I've kinda had that lately. Like... after I saw her sketchbook, I started feeling okay again. But then it feels like everyone still expects me to feel down, and then I start feeling down just 'cuz it seems like I should.”

“That won't go away anytime soon. My best advice on that point is to remember that this is your loss, not theirs. You aren't obligated to feel any particular way about it.”

“Thanks, man.” Junpei chuckles. “Damn, you really know all of this stuff, huh?”

“I wasn't entirely joking, back at Kyoto. About doing the opposite of whatever I do.”

“Nah, I don't think it's like that. I mean, you pull people in, right? It's kinda funny, actually, how much people seem to be drawn to you. I... used to be pretty jealous of that, to be honest.”

“It's more exhausting than it looks.”

“Yeah, I'd bet. But you make it work. I dunno. I guess I was always just afraid that anything I could do, you could do better. Same with Koto-chan. The two of you barely seem human sometimes.”

“We're human. In unfortunate ways.”

A moment passes before Junpei speaks again. “I sometimes wondered why you weren't talking to Chidori. When she was in the hospital.”

“I wasn't the right one to do that. You were. The same way it had to be Yukari to talk to Mitsuru about her father. I'm not good at everything. I'm not suited for every task. If I was, I wouldn't need the rest of you. But I do. I've learned that lesson a hundred times over, these past few months. I'm nothing without you and the others.”

“Jeez. Never thought I'd hear you say something like that back in April.”

“I never would have said something like that back in April.”

Another moment goes by, and then Junpei shakes his head. “Sometimes I get kinda jealous of you and Yuka-tan.”

“Hm. Did you actually have your eyes on her?”

“Ha! No. I ain't taking her off your hands. You're stuck with her mood swings, buddy. I just meant that you guys got the chance to really work things out. I know sh*t's been rocky, but... I dunno, you guys figured it out.”

“She worked it out. I moped in a hot spring.”

Junpei snickers at that. “I just wish I could've had that chance with Chidori.”

Makoto falls silent. Aigis recognizes that look. It's the one he always wore when he was thinking things through. He was never afraid to leave other people in silence if he needed to sort something out in his head. “I don't think the two of you had anything to work out,” he says at last. “I think, odd as it might seem, that this was a happy ending. It might not feel like it, but I don't think this story was a sad one. A tragedy, yeah... But I think it worked out the way it was meant to.”

“What, like, this was what fate willed or some sh*t?”

“Not fate. This is what Chidori willed. When you were shot, she darted down the stairs so fast she was pretty much a blur. When I realized there was no chance of raising you, I fell off your body and just sort of... stared into space. I wasn't really sure what else to do. Then she took your body in her arms and clutched it close, and I...” He hesitates briefly. “I got this feeling from her. And I knew what she was going to do. She looked me in the eyes, and it was clear that she knew that I knew. I asked her if she was sure, and she said yes.”

The memory returns to the hospital, with Junpei staring at his hands and Chidori staring at him. “You remember what you did for me, right?”

“He told me that I died for you. I have a vague recollection of it.”

“Do you... have any thoughts on that?”

She studies him closely, and then smiles lightly. “You protected me when I was at my weakest. I did the same for you. I do not pretend to know you well, given the loss of my memories... But anyone who would stand up for me in such a circ*mstance is someone I believe I want to be near.”

Junpei smiles. “Heh, that's all I could really hope for, I guess.” He looks down again, shaking his head. “He said that it worked out for the best. That, even though I lost you, things worked out how you wanted them to. I guess I just think about that sometimes. Like... is trading lives really worth it?” He taps his foot on the floor. “Man, I just... I can't stop thinking about all this sh*t. I can't believe we won the stupid fight but lost Makoto...”

“Were you close to him?”

“Man, not as close as I should've been. It's weird. I only really felt like we became friends in, like, January. Before that he was just my best friend's twin, and my other best friend's boyfriend. And all that distance was my fault. I pushed him away. It's not like he was avoiding me. And, man, it just makes me sick. Knowing that I could've been around more.”

“You cannot rewrite the past.”

“I know. So, well... The best I can do, I think, is live up to his expectations. Everyone's so caught up in their own emotions right now, but no one's thinking about Makoto. I mean, what did he want for us? I think he just wanted us to live. Really live, y'know? So that's what I'm doing.” He draws in a hard breath, then makes eye contact with Chidori. “You won't have to be in here much longer. They told me so.”

“Good. I dislike hospitals.”

“When you get out... Would you wanna get dinner sometime?”

“I would like that very much.”

Junpei jumps a little. “Just like that?”

“Did you expect resistance?”

“I... Uh, no?” Junpei chuckles, and rubs the back of his neck. “Damn, this living thing's easier than I expected.”

The memory fades to white, and they return to the Abyss.

“Still think you can tell us how to feel?” Kotone grunts at Junpei.

He shrugs. “I never said I could tell you guys how to feel. And this doesn't change anything.” He looks away. “My big regret is I didn't hang out with him enough. He's gone, and I wish I coulda done something to prevent that, sure, but... Honestly, the thing I keep coming back to is how much distance I put between us.”

“I feel the same,” Akihiko-san admits. “You know, Mitsuru's memory was the first time I ever heard him play an instrument. Or sing.”

“I only ever heard him play violin and piano,” Fuuka says. “I wish I could have heard him play guitar, outside of someone else's memory...”

“Does it matter?” Yukari grumbles. She looks to Junpei. “If you really wanted to spend more time with him, you would've done it while he was alive.”

“That's not fair,” Junpei says back.

“Is it not?” Kotone says, staring him down. “You had a year, right?”

No one says anything for a little while. The tension continues to mount, but Aigis has no idea how to cut through it. What can she possibly say or do here? She's not human. She doesn't understand, can't understand...

“I think we should move on,” Metis says.

Aigis looks to her. “Perhaps it would be best if we took a moment.”

She shakes her head. “It's only going to get harder. I think if you stop now, you will all lose your nerve. It's best that we carry on.”

“Finally, she says something reasonable,” Yukari says. “Come on. Let's finish this already.”

“Don't get so damn excited,” Junpei says, a little more coldly than before. “We still haven't seen your memories, yet.”

Yukari says nothing to that.

Chapter 7: Everything is Fine!

Chapter Text

Junpei

He feels kinda bad about his outburst, but he doesn't take it back.

She's hurting, he tells himself, again and again, but something about Yukari's barbs is getting to him now. Is it because he's seen his own memory, now? He does feel a little raw after that, if he's being honest.

And... it's not like he can deny what they said. He did have a year. He could've spent time with Makoto whenever he wanted. But he was so wrapped up in the idea of being the hero, so desperately jealous of the guy that he forced distance between them.

But was that even the reason? After all, up until the end, Kotone had been just as incredible as Makoto, and he'd never put distance between them. What was it about Makoto that put Junpei off so much? He honestly doesn't even know, especially now, when he wants literally nothing more than to see him again. Did it really take this for me to change my view of him? How messed up am I if it takes dying to make me like him?

He stays mostly silent as they carry on through the labyrinth. He and Mitsuru talk every now and again, being the only two here who have even slightly sorted out their feelings. He admits much of what he'd been thinking to her, but she really doesn't have any advice. She's been dealing with the same thing.

“I was separated from him during February,” she says, softly, while they wait for Aigis to finish whatever it is wild cards do when they zone out like that. “I was nothing more than a senior. One who was concerned for him, certainly, but...” She shakes her head. “I can't stop thinking about it. You at least were friends with him during that time. Kotone was still his sister. Yukari was still his girlfriend. You and Fuuka were his friends. But me...”

“He wouldn't've blamed you for that,” Junpei tells her.

“I... I know. But I wonder if that says more about him or me.”

He dreads the next door, and tries not to think about it. Really, though, there's only three people left who haven't had their memories shown. Metis doesn't count. That just leaves the three people whose memories he least wants to see.

Sure enough, when they enter the next door, they end up in Yukari's room.

She's lying on her bed, and all the lights are off. She's staring up at the ceiling, her eyes completely red and her face stained by tears. Despite that, she's not crying. That doesn't entirely surprise Junpei. It looks like she's just finished crying the last of the tears in her body, and it needs a little time to catch up.

She turns over lazily and reaches out for her phone, which she flips open with a disinterested flick of a thumb. “It's White Day,” she mutters to herself.

A fade to white, and they're in the upstairs lounge. Yukari sits across from Makoto, and it's obvious right off the bat that this was in February. Makoto looks like sh*t. His eyes are dark, he's having trouble holding chopsticks, and the smile on his face is painfully forced. Still, he finishes off the rest of whatever he was eating, and says, “Thank you.”

“Hey, the whole point of this is for me to thank you! You don't thank me till White Day.”

The second Yukari says this, Makoto breaks eye contact and sighs softly. “Yeah. White Day.”

“Something wrong?”

“...No. Just... might have to pick up a few extra shifts at the cafe before then.”

Yukari laughs, though it's pretty strained. “Not in that condition, you're not. Tell ya what, for White Day you can give me the gift of you getting better. Wouldn't mind getting it a bit early, too.”

“I'll see what I can do.”

The memory returns to Yukari's room. “Guess you knew, then, huh?” she says. “You should've... told me.” A moment passes, and she shakes her head. “Nah. I wouldn't've believed it. But...”

Suddenly, her idle apathetic misery turns into rage, and she bursts out of the bed to kick at just about anything in her room that isn't nailed down. Junpei flinches every time, until she reaches the desk and grabs at the first thing she can get her hands on. Just before she can smash it, though, she hesitates, and he realizes that it's a framed picture. The one from the summer festival, like it always is.

She looks at it, and her rage turns back into grief, and she crumbles to the floor, sobbing.

Another fade to white. He anticipates ending up at the shrine, but instead they're on the beach. Yakushima, he knows, but he doesn't recognize the scene. Yukari's just staring off into the ocean. Then she turns, and the scene shifts a bit, and Makoto's there.

sh*t, this is right after that video, he realizes. When Yukari ran off and Makoto went out to comfort her. None of them had been there for that, so...

“There's nothing you can say to me,” Yukari grunts. “I know the truth, now. You honestly think anything you can say will make me feel better?”

Makoto says nothing for a moment. Then he shrugs and says, “I could listen.”

“What?”

“I know what it's like to have dark thoughts. They swirl around in your head and make you wonder if things will ever be good again. But, you know, when you bring dark thoughts into the light, they shrivel up pretty quickly.”

“That's so cliché...” she says, but she giggles just a little. Junpei tries to remember the last time he'd heard her giggle. God, it was probably in January.

The scene shifts a little bit again, skipping over part of their conversation. Whatever Makoto said must not have worked, because Yukari's angry now. “Will you stop acting like you have all the answers!?” she yells at him. “I mean, did you even feel anything about your own losses? I swear, you go through life like none of it matters! I thought we could relate, since we both went through such similar things, but I guess you don't even care. You're just Mr. Perfect, top of the class, star runner of the track team, student council representative, infinite Personas... Ugh, it's like you're not even human. And then you have the gall to try and tell me how to feel!?”

It's obvious right off the bat that she regrets saying any of that. Honestly, Junpei's kinda surprised himself. It's weird, sometimes, to think back to the start of all this, when Yukari was kinda at Makoto's throat. Who coulda guessed, back then, that she'd fall for him?

“My feelings aren't really important,” Makoto says, suddenly. The scene breaks again, and a huge amount of Makoto's words get lost. Junpei can't help but wonder what was said in that time. All they get to hear is Makoto's conclusion. “You might think I'm cold, but I'm just pragmatic. I do this because it's necessary.”

The scene transitions back to Yukari on the floor of her room, crying over the picture. “Was this necessary?” she hisses at it. “Was it? Because it doesn't f*cking feel like it. Everyone keeps saying you died to save the world, so why doesn't the world feel saved!?” She almost tosses the picture again, then stops herself. “The world can't be saved if you're not in it. You are the world.”

Another fade, and Yukari's up in the second floor lounge with Fuuka. Fuuka's sitting, but Yukari's pacing back and forth, glancing at the stairs over and over again. Junpei can feel her nervousness through the memory. Jeez, what the hell was going on here?

Kotone appears at the steps suddenly, and Yukari's eyes snap to hers. “W-well?” she asks.

“He's cooking with Shinjiro. They'll be done soon, then he'll be alone. That's your chance.”

Yukari's heart lurches in her chest, and Junpei realizes with a start what this memory is.

“Oh, god,” she whispers, pacing even more rapidly than before. “I don't know if I can do this... I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack...”

“It'll be okay, Yukari-chan,” Fuuka says, smiling lightly. “Just tell him how you feel.”

“That's easy for you to say. You're not the one who has to do this.” She draws in a sharp breath, then lets it out way too quickly. “Ugh, what if he says no? Then it'll be awkward forever... We live together, and we've got Tartarus, and-”

“Good god,” Kotone groans. “Look, Yukari, if you don't go down there and tell him how you feel right now, I'll go and tell him myself. And I will exaggerate the sh*t out of it. I'll make you sound like a lovesick stalker. You'll sound so insane he won't even want to be in the same time zone as you.”

“Y-you wouldn't.”

“It's barely even an exaggeration! For someone who's terrified to talk to him, you sure do seem to spend a hell of a lot of time around him. So man the hell up and ask him already.”

A slight shift, and this time Yukari walks into the dorm's kitchen. Makoto's there, cleaning dishes. “Oh, you're busy,” she says, and Junpei can feel how nervous she is.

“Did you need something?” Makoto asks, and there's the faintest hint of a smile on his face as he turns his head slightly to look at her.

“I... I just wanted to talk, but it's nothing important!”

A little cut, and they're standing out in the lounge now. “So, what did you want to talk about?” Makoto asks. There's a fondness in his eyes, but it's a little bit tempered, like he's afraid to show it. It's always a little weird to think of him as being afraid of anything.

“So, uh...” Yukari starts, and he doesn't think he's ever seen her this nervous, either. He can feel the butterflies in her stomach, the almost conscious effort it's taking her to say what she wants to say. “There's the festival tomorrow, right? And, well, I... I was curious if maybe you'd want to go with me?”

Makoto smiles just a bit, then shrugs and says, “Sure.”

“R-Really!? Great!” He can feel the pang of embarrassment she felt there. It would've made him chuckle, if the circ*mstances were different. “Uh, I'm pretty sure everyone else is going, too, so we could meet up with them and then go do our own thing.”

“Sounds good.”

Another fade, and now they're at the summer festival, but not down at the shrine. Makoto and Yukari stand side-by-side atop a hill, watching the fireworks. She reaches out and takes his hand, and he squeezes it back, and Junpei can feel the nervous excitement Yukari feels at that. He didn't realize how bad she had it for him, even all the way back then.

Then again, he does know how this night ended.

Then they're in Makoto's room, and he gets a little nervous about how much this memory is gonna show. Partially because he doesn't think the material would be safe for a kid like Ken, but also because he really doesn't need to see two of his best friends going at it.

The two of them sit next to each other – clothed, thankfully. “I have to ask,” Makoto says, softly. “Why did you ask me to come with you tonight?”

“Huh?”

He shrugs. “Our friendship is... confusing, to say the least. The only times we've had extended discussions, other than tonight, have been in terrible situations. You scolded me both times. I was just curious. Why me?”

She bites her lip, and he can feel some her thoughts. She's fixated on the word friendship, and he supposes she thinks she's just been friend-zoned. It sounds painfully stupid given everything that happened after, but past Yukari couldn't have known that.

“I... Look, I know I've been kinda mean to you at times. Before the Fuuka mission, I... I honestly just didn't want you to get hurt. I mean, in battle you're always so focused on fighting that you never take care of yourself. You'll take a hit just to protect us, and I just can't stand to see that. You're so kind, and honest, and...” She trails off, and Junpei does chuckle a little bit. It's cute, he thinks, to see her trying so hard to make her feelings clear to him.

He's much more surprised by Makoto touching Yukari gently on the check, turning her to face him, and kissing her on the lips. Somehow, he'd always assumed she was the one who made a move. Despite the fact that she was always a nervous wreck around him, Makoto just seemed too passive in those days to take action. He's kinda proud of the guy... but it's a little late for that.

Yukari was apparently even more of a nervous wreck than he thought, though, because she literally doesn't react at all. Her eyes stay open, her lips stay still, her hands don't move... she literally does nothing. Makoto, despite his complete lack of social skills, understands this body language. He pulls away and says, “Sorry. I thought...”

“W-wait!” Yukari stammers out. “U-um... I didn't...”

“I don't pretend to be particularly good with things like this. Forgive me for misunderstanding the situation.”

“B-but, you didn't...” This is kind of hard to watch, Junpei admits. He didn't realize just how awkward a girl like Yukari could be. “C-could... Could you do it again?”

“What?”

Fortunately for all of them, the memory ends there, going back to Yukari in her own room. She presses the picture up against her face and cries against the glass.

Instead of lingering, the memory shifts once again, but this time Makoto is nowhere to be seen. Yukari and Kotone sit together on a bench at the station, and they've obviously been talking for awhile. “Hey, you should just be glad you've got a crush on someone outside the dorm,” Yukari says, averting her gaze. “It hurts to see Makoto every day in the dorm, and it hurts to not see him, too. Every time he's around I feel like my heart's gonna burst, but when he's gone I feel like it's shrinking.”

Okay, context clues place this in November. Kotone's crushing on Ryoji, which means Makoto's still avoiding the team like they're diseased. Makes sense.

“Shrinking?” Kotone prods.

“I... I mentioned before, how I always planned to live alone, right? To, well, show my mom that you don't have to lean so hard on people to be happy. I never wanted to latch myself to any guy. Meeting Makoto... really changed my view. When I fell for him, I feel hard. So... having him be so distant... It just makes me wonder if I'm ever gonna be able to love again.”

Junpei feels his heart crack a little bit.

The scene shifts again, and apparently his luck has completely run out, because they're in the hot springs, now. Makoto and Yukari sit together, with Makoto averting his gaze and Yukari being just a little too exposed for Junpei's liking. Apparently she hadn't felt the need to have any shame when he was the only one around.

Most of the team look away a little bit, including Junpei, but present Yukari says nothing. She barely resembles the person he knew before, if he's being honest. The old Yukari would be dying of embarrassment right now. Current Yukari doesn't have the strength to care.

“I really miss you, you know,” the past Yukari says.

“Why?”

“You know, that's starting to get kinda tiring.”

“If you don't like me saying things like that, you could always avoid me.”

“I don't think that's what you want. And I know for a fact that's not what I want.”

Makoto lets out a groan and leans back, frustrated. Junpei mostly keeps his eyes on him right now. He saw the guy shirtless a couple times before, and he's not really in any danger of seeing anything more than that with all the steam. It's Yukari he's afraid of looking at.

“Don't whine like I'm bad-mouthing you,” she says.

“You might as well be.”

“Ugh. You're gonna make me pull out the big guns, aren't you?”

“What?”

“Alright, fine.” She draws in a hard breath, obviously steeling herself for whatever she's going to say. Then she leans forward, places a gentle hand on his shoulder, and says, “I love you.”

Makoto seems to snap to attention, a look of complete bewilderment on his face. He looks at her like she's crazy, and she shrinks a little bit under his gaze, blushing harder than Junpei thought was possible, even by Yukari's standards.

“You...?” he manages.

“I thought about it. A lot. Why it hurt so much when you were avoiding me. Why it still hurts to have you be so distant. And, well... That's the answer I came to.”

“You... love me?”

Her nod is shy and subdued. “You... kinda changed my whole outlook. I thought I had to be alone, that it was best that way. But... you showed me that leaning on others isn't weak. If it's done right, it can even be a strength. So... I want to lean on you, and I want you to lean on me. And, um...” She bites her lip again. She seems to do that a lot around him. “You don't have to say it back or anything. I know... You probably aren't ready for that kind of thing, but... I just wanted you to know how I feel. How important you are to me. So... even if you don't think of me like that anymore, it's okay. I'm not gonna abandon you. Never. I-”

He cuts her off with a tight embrace, which she returns. “I'm not going anywhere,” she whispers in his ear.

The scene snaps back to Yukari's room sharply, much more harshly than any of the other cuts ever were. She's still sobbing into that picture. “I promised I'd never leave you,” she whispers to it. “But I did. That whole month... God, why couldn't I have at least been there for you? You were always there for me...”

Another fade to white, and now they're in a dark hospital room, and Junpei realizes this is from when Yukari passed out, not that long after Ryoji told them what was coming. She's in bed, having just woken up not too long ago, and Makoto's sitting next to her.

Yukari isn't meeting his gaze. “But... what can we do?” she asks him.

“We can fight.”

“Fight? Fight what? There's no point in that!”

“Yes, there is. This is what humanity has been about since the beginning. What life has been about since the beginning. What is living, if not the opposition of death? Honestly, I couldn't care less how unbeatable Nyx is. I'm going to find her, and fight her, and fight with everything I've got to defend my right to live. Our right to live. And I want you there with me when I do.”

“You...”

“Even if we lose, I'd rather die fighting than meekly here. I lived most of my life not caring one way or the other what happened to me. I'm done with that. I want to live. And I'm not going to let some extra-dimensional being tell me I can't.” He takes her hand in his. “Fight alongside me, Yukari.”

Another harsh cut to the present. “You said you wanted to live,” Yukari whispers to that picture. “Did you mean that? Did you ever really mean it? Or were you just trying to make me feel better?”

Honestly, Junpei feels more uncomfortable seeing her like this than in the hot spring.

The flash comes again, and they're in Paulownia Mall during Christmas. Yukari sits alone on a bench, but her eyes keep darting up towards the second floor, where Makoto is talking with Kotone. She taps her leg gently, trying to focus more on the decorations than the twins.

When the twins return, Kotone instantly rushes off towards the back alleyway. Yukari stands and looks at Makoto, confused. “Uh, what's she...?”

Before she can finish, though, Makoto embraces her. She presses her face into his shoulder, and then readjusts to lean into his chest a bit. The warmth runs through Junpei, and god, just how comfortable was she in his arms? It's like all the stress in his body is gone, just from her memory.

“I love you, Yukari,” he says softly.

Junpei has to close his eyes for a moment.

When the memory cuts back to Yukari's room, she leans her head against the side of her desk, closing her own eyes tightly. “I can't keep doing this,” she whispers to herself.

There is no resolution. There's no conclusion, no betterment. It just ends there, with the agony and the misery still intact. Junpei feels more of a lurch than before when they get ejected from this memory.

They all stay silent for a long while, avoiding looking at one another. Of all the memories they've seen so far, these ones were by far the most intimate.

“Well?” Yukari says, breaking the silence. “Got anything to say, armchair psychologist?”

He's a little shocked when he realizes she was talking to him. “I never said I could tell you how to feel,” he says again, his voice hoarse. He's crying. When did he start crying? “I just... You're keeping it all inside, and-”

“What does it change?” she snarls. “What, I get it all out in the open and suddenly it's all okay?”

“It'll be better than it is right now.”

“You don't know anything. Don't tell me what's right for me.”

Junpei sighs, trying his best not to freak out on her. She can't handle that, even if she's baiting him. “Whatever is right for you,” he says, keeping his voice as steady as he can, “it ain't this.”

“He's right, Yukari,” Mitsuru says. “None of this-”

“I'm sick of both of you trying to comfort me,” Yukari growls, interrupting her. “Neither of you know how I'm feeling. So shut the hell up.”

“I do know what this feels like,” Junpei says. “Chidori-”

“Chidori came back,” Kotone points out.

“Two months later. You think I knew anything like that would happen? You think I was just sitting there for two months waiting for her to come back to life? I had no idea.” He shakes his head. “She died to save my life. I know what this is like. 'Cause I spent that time wondering if things would've been better if I'd just died and she lived.”

“Junpei...” Mitsuru breathes.

“You guys helped me out, then,” he carries on, still avoiding looking at them. “I was being stubborn and sh*t, but you guys got me out of my room and back into the world. Back into the fight. I know you don't want to hear that things'll get better or whatever. Honestly, I dunno if they will. I mean, I miss him a lot, too, you know. But I do know he didn't die so we could all waste away. If he wanted that, he would've just let the Fall happen.”

A silence falls, and he's honestly not sure what to think of it. Is this a comfortable silence, the sort that Makoto used to create? Or is this the sort of brutal, agonizing silence Junpei always created, unwillingly?

Yukari shakes her head. “Let's finish this.”

He sighs. That'll have to do, for now.

Yukari

She feels hollow.

Watching her own memories was not something she'd been thrilled to do. But what horrified her more than the exposure was the overwhelming emptiness she'd felt throughout the visions.

That was my life, she found herself thinking, more than once. And it's done, now. I really did die when he did. What's the point, now? Why am I still bothering? Why am I kidding myself? I'm not strong enough to face the future. I never was. Not until he was there. And now he's gone, and he's never coming back, and-

The reality is that all of her happy days are behind her, now. All those moments of butterflies in her stomach and giddy giggles at his dumb jokes... they're in the past, now. There will be no more of them. Change is inevitable, she's well aware of that. But why do the changes always have to be bad? Why does life feel darker now that the Dark Hour is gone?

What, exactly, did she do to deserve this ending? What god did she piss off? Why was she given such happiness only to have it be ripped away from her, in the most brutal way possible?

As usual, there are no answers. Only more questions.

When they reach the next door, she doesn't say anything. She's done talking. She'll just wait it out, see how all this ends, and be done with it. That's all she can do, now.

When the white flash fades, they find themselves in a dark room. A moment allows her eyes to adjust, and she recognizes the space as Kotone's room. It's almost as barren as her brother's, but in a different way. Over in the corner is that huge plush Makoto won at the summer festival. It appears to have served as a punching bag for a little while.

Kotone herself is slumped over her desk, lying down on it with her face pointed towards her bed, her eyes cold and numb. Her arms are splayed out in front of her. She looks so limp, so lifeless, so...

A shift, and then suddenly they're in the past. This time, though, the past is far further back than the other times. Yukari finds herself in an unfamiliar room, an unfamiliar building, and the Kotone standing in the center of it is at least two years younger. She looks mostly the same, but she's staring down at the ground, her eyes refusing to look up.

Yukari's heart stills a little when she sees the younger version of Makoto walking around the room. His hair is a little shorter, but just as blue as it was when she knew him. His eyes are tired. He's carrying a bag, occasionally putting items into it.

“You don't have to do this,” Kotone mutters.

“Yes, I do,” Makoto says back. “You told me you wouldn't do this anymore.”

“I won't.”

“That's what you said last time.”

“I broke. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.”

He shakes his head. “You can either let me do this, or you'll have to accept me watching you at all times. I'm not letting you hurt yourself ever again.”

Oh. She probably should've guessed this, if she's being honest. Makoto and Kotone had both talked about this before, though briefly. Kotone's self-harm was the worst-kept secret in the dorm. Seeing memories from that time, though...

Makoto puts a few final items into the bag, then sets it down on a messy twin bed and turns to her. “I need to take your pins.”

Only then does she look up, her eyes wide. “No.”

“All sharp objects.”

“These things are barely even sharp!” She reaches up and pulls one out of her hair, then pokes it into the palm of her left hand. It doesn't break the skin. “See? They're fine. Just... let me keep them.”

Makoto hesitates, then nods. “Fine. But-”

“I know, I know.”

He stares at her for a moment, then sighs. “Let me see your arm.”

Kotone hesitates for a long while, then raises her right arm and pulls up the sleeve. The forearm is covered in little scars, many of them so tiny as to barely be noticeable. Others, though, are darker and longer and more brutal. Yukari feels her stomach drop at the sight.

“I just...” Makoto starts, then his voice breaks and he looks away. “You can't do this. I know how much everything hurts, but this won't last forever. Just... Don't make it worse, okay? If you feel the need to do something like this, just come talk to me instead. Okay?”

She meets his gaze, then nods solemnly.

The memory returns to the present, with Kotone staring with dead eyes at her own bed. “Can't talk to you now, huh?” she mutters, her voice hoarse. It's obvious she hasn't used it in days.

Then she adjusts slightly, reaching out with her left arm towards a pencil bag. She opens it lazily, and pulls out-

Oh. Oh no. No no no.

She inspects the razor blade carefully, and the dull rust of dried blood is obvious even in this light. She stares at it for a second, and then pulls up her right sleeve and presses the blade into the skin, right next to two obviously fresh scars. With an agonizingly slow motion, she slides the blade against her flesh. Blood begins to leak out, but Kotone doesn't even react. Even through the memory, Yukari feels nothing. She felt things in the other memories. This is actual physical pain, and yet she feels nothing.

The memory ends, and they find themselves back in the Abyss.

“Kotone.” Junpei is the first of them to speak, his voice hasty and horrified. “That's bullsh*t, right? The memory's wrong, or that was just, like, a dream or something, right?” He stares at her with wide eyes. “C'mon, tell me that you didn't do that.”

She glances at him briefly, then looks away and pulls up her right sleeve. Sure enough, those three little scars are sitting right where they were in the memory.

Junpei lets out a noise somewhere between a groan and a sob. “Kotone...”

“You...” Mitsuru gasps.

“This really a surprise?” Kotone grumbles, looking down at her feet. “Back when we were in the foster homes, I eventually stopped fearing things. I stopped feeling anything at all. So I cut myself. Feeling nothing is worse than feeling bad. So I induced pain, to feel something.” She draws in a cold breath. “When he died, I stopped feeling everything again. I know that's not okay. The easiest feeling to cause is pain. This was practical.”

“Practical?” Akihiko repeats, astonished.

“It's a damn cry for help!” Junpei screeches.

Kotone glares at him. “A cry for help has to be public, right? None of you were ever supposed to see this.” She shrugs, and looks back at the door. “Doesn't matter. It didn't work. I felt nothing.”

Honestly, none of them have words for that. It's then, more than ever, that they realize how desperately this group needs Makoto.

Kotone

They can judge her all they want. It doesn't matter.

Because she doesn't feel anything anymore. Not pain, not guilt, not anything. She can delude herself all she wants, but the reality is that she did die when he did. Her body just never got the memo. So she'll drain it when they get out of this stupid nightmare, and that'll be that.

And they can pretend all they want, but they know as well as she does that they got the raw end of the deal. If she'd been the one to die, they wouldn't have needed to call upon a god or whatever to cope with it. They would've maybe cried for a day or two, and then moved on. That's how it should've been. She's the worthless twin, the one no one really needs. She could've died, and everyone would've been better off. But the stupid f*cking gods just had to take Makoto, and the anger she harbors at that is just about the only emotion she can feel anymore.

Well, there's only one door left, and there's no prize for guessing who it belongs to. There's only one of them left, after all. Kotone honestly can't find it in herself to care either way about Aigis' memories. She just wants to be done with this. She just wants to disappear.

When they do reach the door, Aigis hesitates for a long time at it. It's annoying. “Open it,” Kotone snaps, just a second before Yukari probably would have. The android sighs, and then does as she's commanded.

To the surprise of absolutely no one, they find themselves in Aigis' room. There's no mistaking it, given the massive piles of ammunition and the complete lack of real furniture. Aigis herself stands in the center of it, staring off into space. She's not really doing much of anything.

The memory-within-a-memory comes out of nowhere. They end up on the school roof, with Aigis and Makoto standing next to one another and looking out over the water. “You're looking at this the wrong way,” Makoto says, softly.

“I do not understand,” she says back. “How are you aware of my thoughts?”

“Just a sense I get. You have to remember, it's not your guns that make you strong in a fight. If that were true, you wouldn't need a Persona.”

“...It is true that I require a Persona to fight Shadows. However...”

“Think about it. Persona is strength of heart. We strength ourselves by strengthening our hearts. That's why Mitsuru wanted you to come to school in the first place. A social environment would be good for you, to allow your heart to flourish.” He faces Aigis then, and Kotone can feel a lurch in the android's body. This must have been the start of her emotional development. “It worked. Your heart is blooming, and it's beautiful to see.”

“It's... beautiful?”

“You mean quite a lot to me, Aigis. Even if you don't realize it. Seeing you grow this past year has been a privilege. I really hope you don't see it as a curse. This is good. Truly.”

Aigis takes a long moment to consider that. Then, finally, she says, “I feel confused by the changes taking place inside of me. But... if these changes are a result of my being with you...”

“Yeah?”

“Well... If that is the case, then I will treasure these changes. I will not resist them.”

Another flash, but they don't leave the roof. Kotone feels her heart drop a bit as she sees Aigis sitting on the bench, with Makoto resting his head in her lap. His hands lie on his chest, and he looks like he's struggling just to keep his eyes open. She can just barely watch this.

“It's finally clear to me,” she whispers. “Why I live. What I want most. I knew that you were part of it, but I did not understand how. But now, I... I've decided that I want to protect you. I want to be your strength. My life will be worth living if it is for this reason.” She looks down at him, little tears brimming in her eyes.

With a great effort, he reaches up and brushes the tears away. “It'll be okay,” he says.

“You're right. This is a happy moment. Why am I crying?”

She takes his hand in hers, and lowers it back down to his chest.

“You must be tired,” she whispers. “Please, get some rest. I'll stay right here with you. Soon, all your friends will be here by your side.” She tightens her grip ever so slightly. “Don't worry. I'll always be by your side, protecting you.”

The memory returns to Aigis' room, but not in the present. She stands there with Makoto, holding her hands over her chest as he watches her. “I... I needed to speak to you. I needed to...”

Makoto gives her a look. “Is there something wrong?”

“No. I... I spoke to Yukari-san, not long ago. And... she encouraged me to continue in my quest to find meaning, but she said that I needed to look at the start. At my blind spot. A weakness created by my newly human heart.”

“The start?”

Aigis nods. “You, Makoto-san. You are where my consciousness begins, and yet you are the also the place my eyes are reluctant to look. I admit to... uncertainty, regarding you. My desire to be near y ou only seems to strengthen each time we speak, and that... frightened me.”

Makoto shrugs and sits down. “There's no reason to be afraid, Aigis.”

“Perhaps there is. I... cannot have the sort of relationship with you that you have with Yukari-san. I am a machine. I am not a human female. But... there is something I can offer you that no one else can. Something only I can say, since I am not human.” She sighs. “I... will never leave you.”

A slight cut, and Aigis is sitting down, and she seems locked in place, and there's something like a warmth spreading through her. She feels so... happy. So alive, so...

It ends as quickly as it began, and they return to Aigis' room, with her alone.

“I promised to protect you,” she says softly to herself. “But that means nothing, now. I failed in my mission. The meaning of my life is gone, now.” With a weary motion, she collapses down into a heap on the ground.

Then, suddenly, they're in a void. A great black expanse, cruel and empty, with Aigis sitting in the middle of it. Then, out of nowhere, Makoto appears behind her, his back turned. She starts, turning around to look at him. “Makoto-san,” she gasps, forcing herself to stand.

He starts to walk away.

“No!” she screams. “Not again! Don't leave me! Please!” He just keeps walking, never looking back. “Take me with you, then! If you can't stay, then don't leave me behind! Let me go with you!”

He ignores her, and walks away until he's gone entirely.

Once he's out of sight, Aigis falls to the ground again, curling up into a small ball. “I can't go on like this,” she says. “If this is the pain of loss, then I do not wish to experience it. I would sooner relinquish my heart and become an ordinary machine once more.”

Kotone expects to end up back in her room or something. Instead, the memory ends entirely, and they find themselves back in the Abyss.

“What... what was that?” Akihiko says. “It was Aigis, but...”

“I had that dream every night,” Aigis says, averting her gaze. “A dream where I followed him, but could never catch up. I decided... I decided that I would have preferred to die with him. Or, if that was not possible, to abandon my emotions and become a simple machine again. I thought...”

“That you could give up his gift?” Kotone spits. The bile comes up through her throat in a torrent, and she just can't hold it back anymore. “He gave you that heart, you know. And you just wanted to throw it away, like it meant nothing?”

“I...”

A heavy silence falls over them.

“You have seen all of your memories,” Metis says, after a moment. She's been so quiet lately that they'd all kinda forgotten she exists. “You cannot honestly blame all of this on my sister. The reality is that all of you are responsible.”

“That's not the point,” Kotone says.

“What my sister did is irrelevant,” Metis insists. “You all insisted on stopping time. You couldn't accept your loss of someone precious. Is it not obvious?”

“It's been obvious from the start,” Mitsuru says, making an effort to keep her voice steady. “What we need to know is how to escape this.”

Metis shakes her head. “Only you can answer that question.”

“And what the hell does that mean?” Junpei demands.

“It means that you still must overcome your regrets.” Metis looks back towards the door, and it fades away. Beyond it is a swirling mass of darkness, a darkness that reminds Kotone inexplicably of Nyx.

“W-what is this?” Ken says.

“It's the monster born of your regrets. The Shadow of your deepest darkness.”

Kotone watches carefully, but she already knows what's coming.

Chapter 8: Override [B]

Chapter Text

Yukari

Her first impulse is to cry.

Her second impulse is to panic, and her third is to run. It's only the last which is at all useful. She darts out of the way, narrowly dodging an attack from her own Persona.

It's there, in the dust, that her mind finally starts to wrap around this whole thing. There's a Shadow monster demon-thing that's taken the form of their regrets, which naturally means it's shaped exactly like Makoto. It's attacking them all mercilessly, which obviously means it's not the real Makoto, because he would never do anything to hurt them. And, for some reason, he has all of their Personas.

Him (it?) calling upon Isis was insulting enough, but then there's Caesar, and Artemisia, and Trismegistus, and all the others. Even Eurydice. One after another he calls upon them, and it's all they can do to stand up to the storm.

Yukari can't bring herself to attack it.

Because even though this thing is not Makoto, she can only see him in its cold eyes, and she just can't find it in her heart to attack him back. She doesn't want to hurt him. She doesn't want to see him hurt. And, honestly? She couldn't care less if he kills her. At least then she can be with him again.

The others don't seem to share this mentality, with the exception of Kotone, who holds back just as much. The seniors attack like normal, like this fight is no different than any of the other ones. Ken and Koromaru both stand up with their usual determination. Even Aigis is giving commands, treating this like it means nothing, and Yukari can't stand to see it.

She heals the others every now and again, but mostly she just dodges attacks and stays away. She wants no part in this. She can't take part in this.

And when the others overcome it, the gut-wrenching scream the Shadow lets out forces her to squeeze her eyes shut tightly and pretend to be anywhere else.

“It's... done...” Akihiko grunts.

“So it would seem,” Mitsuru agrees.

Before the others can say a word, there's a flash, and then, suddenly, there's an object floating in front of her face. Yukari stares at it for a short moment before realizing it's a key. With a shaking hand, she grasps it and holds it closely. It feels cold.

The others all have one as well. “What's with the keys?” Junpei asks, looking at Metis.

“You've overcome the Shadow,” she says. “Now you must make a choice.” She nods to them. “With these keys, you can leave the Abyss of Time.”

“Really?” Kotone says, her voice lighting up ever so slightly. “Well, it's about damn time! Let's get the hell outta here.”

“Wait,” Metis says, sharply. “It's not that simple. When you leave, you will need to all agree on your destination. The strongest emotions are the ones that will prevail. It would be best for you to sort through those feelings first, so that you all can end up in the same place.”

“Uh...” Junpei says, rubbing the back of his neck. “What's that mean?”

“What do you mean by destination?” Fuuka says.

Metis gives them a cold look. “You have immense power here, just now. So, while you can exit this place and end up in your dorm on April first, that isn't necessarily the location you'll choose. You could, for example, end up at a different time altogether. A time-”

“-before the last battle,” Kotone breathes.

“Wait,” Junpei says, eyes wide. “You serious?”

“If that is your choice, then yes,” Metis confirms. “If you all choose to return to a time before January thirty-first, then that is where you will end up.”

Yukari's heart lurches in her chest. We... we could go back. We could actually go back. And-

“So,” Mitsuru says, her voice just a little colder than usual. “It's the past or the present. That's our choice. Is that what you're saying?”

“Yes. You must choose. And soon.”

Everyone falls silent, but Yukari can feel her heart racing. For the first time in a month, she's feeling the littlest shred of hope.

“Uh, hey,” Junpei says, interrupting her thoughts. “Let's head back to the lounge first. This is way too heavy to decide right here.”

“I agree,” says Mitsuru.

What's there to decide? Yukari wonders. The answer is obvious.

Aigis

Seeing the team gather on these couches again reminds her of old times.

The presence of Metis and the lack of Makoto-san make for obvious differences, but it is warming, at least, to see the team together in such a capacity once more.

“So what's everyone thinking?” Junpei asks as soon as everyone's seated. “I mean, no one's seriously thinking about going back to the past, right?”

There's a few grunts in the room, but it's Ken who speaks up. “Um... I've been thinking. We never did find out exactly why he died, right?”

Junpei hesitates. “I mean, that's true.”

“Personally, I think it's because he used all his power to accomplish that miracle.” Ken looks at the ground. “I don't think it's right for us to go back and undo that. This is what he wanted.”

“I'm with Ken,” Akihiko says. “We've seen the sort of strength it takes to oppose death. There's no way we could cancel out his miracle on our own. It's not our place to make that decision. Even if it hurts, we have to accept the present as it is.”

Everyone falls silent once again, until Mitsuru looks over and says, “What do you want to do, Yukari?”

Every pair of eyes turns to her, and she briefly seems to shrink into her seat before suddenly straightening. “I want to go back,” she says. “To before the last battle.” More than a few of them flinch just a little at that, but she carries on, ignoring them. “You're right. He protected us all. But he shouldn't have had to. I don't know why he died, and I don't really care. It isn't right.”

Akihiko sighs, looking away. “So... What, you're just throwing in the towel? Giving up the fight? You think that's what he would have wanted?”

The look in Yukari's eyes goes from sorrow to fury in a heartbeat. She pushes herself up, glaring at her senior with intensity. “You honestly think that's what I'm doing!? No! That's what you're doing! You're just accepting that things are fine, that they can't get better! I'm the one actually fighting for the world he believed in!”

“Well, why stop there?” Akihiko says, standing to face her. “We can go to whatever time we want, right? Well, then let's go back and prevent your father's death. How about we stop Mitsuru's grandfather from gathering the Shadows in the first place.”

“It's not the same thing,” Yukari snarls, “and you know it.”

“How is it not the same?”

“Everyone!” Aigis calls, her voice shredding just a bit. “Please... We cannot fight like this.”

“Yeah, we can.” Everyone looks to Kotone. She is standing, just like Metis and Aigis, her arms crossed and her stance firm. She looks over the group with a darkness in her reddish eyes. “The answer's obvious. I'm going back. To before that last battle. We have a chance to save Makoto. Anyone here who isn't willing to take it can't pretend they care about him.”

Ken looks up, shocked. “You can't say that!”

“I absolutely can. You can all talk your high and mighty talk, but if you actually care about him, you'll fight for him, like he did for all of us.” She looks at Akihiko and Ken coldly. “The two of you say that you don't want to go against his wishes, but the reality is you're just happy someone else paid the price. You got to walk away with your lives. Neither of you lost anything here.”

Akihiko returns her glare. “You think we lost nothing?”

“Shinji lived, right? This past year was nothing to the two of you.”

“That's not true!” Ken shouts.

“Makoto told me himself that he was willing to die,” Akihiko growls. “You saw that memory. He told me that he would pay the price, if it was necessary. So it must have been. He wouldn't have done this if it wasn't necessary. You're the one going against his wishes.”

“You can't speak for him,” Yukari mutters.

“Yes, I can.”

Kotone laughs, so sharply it sounds almost like a scream. “No one can speak for him, because he's dead!” She shakes her head furiously. “We all keep talking around the damn issue, but the reality is that he's f*cking dead, and it's not right. So I'm going to go back, and I'm going to fix things, and anyone who gets in my way is my enemy.”

Yukari nods at her. “I'm with you.”

“Good. At least one of you actually gave a sh*t about him.”

“Wait,” Mitsuru says, and the coldness in her voice is almost entirely gone. She's staring at Yukari with wide eyes. “I... I don't think this is a good idea.”

“What?”

“Makoto told me himself that nothing in the past was a waste.” Mitsuru meets Yukari's gaze, but her eyes are soft. There's something like tears in them. “He wouldn't have wanted you to-”

Yukari makes a noise almost like a snarl, which sets Koromaru off. “You of all people can't speak for him.”

“...Yukari?”

“You recruited him 'cuz of his special power. You never cared one way or the other about him. You should've seen how apathetic he was back then, but you didn't care because he was so powerful. He was nothing but a weapon to you.” Yukari shakes her head sharply. “You never even saw him as a person.”

Mitsuru looks up again, and her eyes are blazing. “I think you should take that back,” she says, so coldly that the whole room seems to shiver.

Yukari stares back, and for a moment it seems like she actually will apologize. But then Kotone steps forward. “No,” she says. “No, she shouldn't take it back. She's right. You never cared at all about him, did you? He really was just a weapon to you.”

“That is not true.”

“Is it not? Then stand with us, and help us get him back.”

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Junpei says, standing up and waving his hands sharply. “Guys, let's calm down here. We can't fall apart like this. Makoto wouldn't-”

“Will you shut the hell up?” Yukari growls at him. “You all keep trying to speak for him, but you can't. He's gone. If we're all just gonna pretend he's still here, then let's go get him back.”

Junpei hesitates, then looks up. “I wanna hear what Ai-chan wants to do.”

Aigis starts. “Me?”

“You've got his power, right? You got the wild card, and Orpheus. I don't know anything about the Velvet Room, or whatever it was called, but it's got something to do with Persona sh*t, and fate. I mean, Kotone and Makoto were both guests there, last year. If Aigis is a guest there now, it means she's got something to do with this whole thing. I think we gotta listen to her.”

Apparently, this reasoning is agreeable to the others. They all face her together, and she finds herself feeling small under their collective gaze.

Kotone nods to her. “You promised to protect him, right? So you've gotta agree with us. We can fix this, Aigis. We can make things right.”

“They don't know that,” Ken says softly. “I don't think we know better than Makoto-san.”

“Both of you, shut up,” Junpei says, in a strangely gentle voice. “I wanted to know Aigis' opinion.”

Aigis hesitates, looking away. “I... I can't decide right now. I don't know which is more important... the past or the present...”

Yukari's stare turns into a glare with shocking suddenness. “So you're just gonna run away!? Again!? Just like his funeral? You locked yourself in your damn room and skipped the whole thing, while we said our farewells.” She shakes her head bitterly. “You're pathetic. Why did you get his power when you can't even decide what you want?”

“I...”

“We have to discuss this civilly,” Mitsuru says. “We cannot leave until we come to an agreement.”

“Not necessarily,” Metis says, speaking for the first time in this debate. “The keys need to be unified in order to work, this is true. But it doesn't matter how they unify. Even if they are taken by force-”

“By force?” Junpei says. “No, no, we ain't even talking about this.”

“Why not?” Kotone growls. “Sounds like it's about time to go that far.”

“You know for a fact he wouldn't have wanted that!”

“And I don't want it either,” Kotone tells him, her voice terrifyingly steady. “I don't want to hurt any of you. But I will, if I have to. I'm willing to do what it takes to save him.”

“Same here,” Yukari says.

“Everyone!” Fuuka gasps. “Please, don't do this!”

“Plead with them, Fuuka,” Kotone says. “They're the ones being unreasonable.”

“You're blinded by grief,” Akihiko says. “I get it. I really do. But I can't let you go back. I can't let you undo everything he did. If I have to smack some sense into you, I'll do it.”

“I...” Ken hesitates, and then stands up tall. “I'm with Sanada-san. I'll fight too, if it comes to that.”

Junpei's eyes dart around the room. “Are you guys nuts!?”

“Pick your side,” Yukari says to him, coldly.

“No. I'm not picking a damn side, and I'm not helping you guys kill each other!”

“I won't kill anyone,” Kotone says. “I just want the keys. Even if you ingrates are gonna betray him, I'm not gonna stoop so low as to hurt you irreversibly.” Her eyes suddenly turn to Aigis, then, and there's a coldness in them that she's never seen before. “Except for you, Aigis.”

“I...”

“You don't want to go back and save him, even after everything he did for you. He gave you the life you've got now, but you aren't willing to fight for him. You aren't willing to protect him, even after you promised you would.” Kotone shakes her head sharply. “You stole his power, and now you're using it to harm him. So I'm not gonna let you get off easy. I'll tear you apart piece by piece.”

Metis steps forward. “I won't let you harm my sister.”

Kotone scoffs. “Fine. I'll rip you both to shreds.”

“Kotone, please don't do this!” Fuuka exclaims.

“I've made my choice,” Kotone says. “The rest of you better make yours. I'm not letting this opportunity go to waste.” She looks at the ground and makes a fist. “He protected me my whole damn life. I'm going to protect him, this time. I'm going to save him. No matter what.”

“No matter what...” Aigis whispers.

She finds herself thinking back to when they'd spoken on the rooftop, right after Ryoji-san left them for the last time. Makoto had come to her, and they'd all agreed to meet up there again on Graduation Day. No matter what. Those were the words they'd used back then, too. And Makoto-san had kept that promise, despite everything. Is that what it means, in the end, to have strength of heart?

Strength of heart, when united, is barred by no door.

“Aigis,” Junpei says again. “What do you want to do?”

“I...” She looks up, and her resolves seems to strengthen. “I disagree with both sides. I do not believe this is the wisest course to follow.”

“Both sides?” Kotone spits. “There's only two options here!”

“What if there aren't? There was a third choice with Nyx, was there not?”

Yukari scoffs. “I'm not risking his life on a maybe. We're getting Makoto back, no matter what it takes. That's final. You're either with us or you're against us, Aigis.”

Aigis meets her gaze, and does not falter. “Then it would seem I am against you.”

“Fine by me.” Yukari glares at her coldly. “He didn't love you like you loved him, is that it? So now you're gonna make him pay for it.”

“That's not-”

“Be honest with us for once, Aigis,” she snarls. “You were jealous of me and in love with him, and if – when – we save him it'll go back to how it was. Right now, you're the one who got to hold him, you're the one who got to be there for him, you're the one who got to hear his last words. And you're just not willing to let that go, are you?”

Aigis feels something lurch inside her. “You don't know what you're talking about.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“This conversation is meaningless,” Aigis says, keeping her voice as stable as possible. “If you won't listen to me, I will simply have to subdue you.”

“Are you guys even listening to yourselves!?” Junpei cries.

“Pick your damn side,” Kotone growls at him.

He stares at her, wide-eyed, for a long moment, then shakes his head. “No. I'm not gonna fight any of you. I'm not taking part in this sh*t.”

“That's not an option.”

“Too bad. It's what I'm doing. I'm not letting anyone touch my key till we calm the hell down and talk this out normally.”

“I agree with Junpei,” Mitsuru says, standing carefully. “I will not harm any of you.”

Yukari scoffs. “Figures.”

Mitsuru looks at her evenly. “I am doing this because I care about you, Yukari. And you, Kotone. The two of you are lost in your own grief, and I will not push you further into it.” She draws in a cold breath. “Do you recall Kyoto, Yukari? When you spoke to me by the river, you didn't simply agree with everything I said. You disagreed with me, argued with me, literally slapped sense into me.” She takes a step forward, and Yukari hesitates back a little. “I am returning the favor. You are making a mistake. Do not do this.”

“You don't get it,” Yukari says back, and her voice seems a little more constricted than before. There are tears forming in her eyes. “We have to take this chance. We won't get another one.”

Mitsuru watches her for a moment, then sighs. “Very well. Do what you will. But I'll have no part in it. I am standing with Junpei. I will not fight.”

Koromaru barks, then growls. Aigis frowns slightly, then says, “He says... He says that he will not fight, either.”

The weakest of grins comes to Junpei's face. “Heh, glad to have you aboard, boy.”

“Arf!”

Metis steps forward. “Very well. I will stand with my sister. We have three teams of two, and three who will abstain. What about your navigator?”

Fuuka looks up, her hands clutched to her chest. “I abstain, too. I won't do this.”

“So be it. I will take us to a place suitable for combat.”

“I...” Aigis says, then stops herself. She has no choice here, now. She has to fight. Strength of heart, when united... Those words ring in her mind, again and again. She has an idea, but she can't carry it out until the tempers are cooled. If the team is still fighting like this, there's no way...

So she'll have to fight. She'll have to win, and take the keys, and force a truce among the team. It won't be easy. But the easy road is rarely the right one. Makoto-san knew that well. He gave her this heart. She's going to listen to it, all the way until the end, if necessary.

Chapter 9: Blood Blind

Chapter Text

Kotone

She lays her naginata down on the floor of the coliseum, then gets down on her knees and closes her eyes, clasping her hands together in prayer.

Hang on, Makoto, she thinks. I'm coming. I'm going to save you, for once. This will all work out the way it was meant to, in the end. I promise. Just wait for me.

When she opens her eyes, she sees Yukari standing next to her, watching her carefully. “Not gonna say a prayer or anything?” Kotone asks her.

Yukari offers her a hand up, which she accepts gratefully. “I'm not praying before this,” she says, softly. “The gods are the ones who took him from us. I'm not entrusting his life to them ever again. We're taking fate into our own hands, now.”

Kotone can't help but grin. “Makes it feel a bit more badass when you put it that way, huh?”

“I guess. I don't really care about that, though.”

“Nah, neither do I.” She draws in a breath, then bends down and picks up her weapon. “The others don't stand a chance.”

“I mean, Aigis is a living weapon, and she has the wild card, now...”

“Doesn't matter. Persona is strength of heart, right? Well, my heart's never felt stronger. I've never felt more sure of anything in my life. You see how uncertain Aigis was?” She forces a small smile. “You know, when you enter the Velvet Room and awaken to the power of the wild card, one of the first things they tell you is that your power is like the number zero. Empty, yet full of possibilities. It's down to the individual wild card to decide how strong their power will be. Me and Makoto nurtured our bonds. We made friends, relationships, companions, confidants. Aigis just burned all her bridges. I think I know whose heart is stronger.”

Yukari nods at her. “When you say it like that, I get it, I think.”

“You scared at all?”

“A little, I guess. It's just... We only get one shot at this, you know?”

“Only had one shot at Nyx, too.”

Yukari flinches. “And we lost. Remember?”

“Yeah. We did.” They all stood on the top floor of Tartarus and faced down Death itself, but Makoto was the only one of them strong enough to stand up. They lost that day, more than they could have possibly imagined. We should have all lived together or died together. This isn't right, but it is necessary. We have to do what must be done, no matter what. That's what Makoto would have thought, right?

Kotone sighs. “We're not gonna lose this time. I'd rather die than lose.”

“Yeah. Same here.”

“Good. Can't back down now. Wouldn't want to, even if we could.”

Yukari's nod is determined. “I just... I can't lose here. We can't.”

Kotone says nothing. She's focusing on Eurydice, settled in her heart. She wonders if, maybe, losing the wild card wasn't a curse. Does this mean her heart is more true, now? Is she no longer changing her masks around others? But if she's had some sort of revelation, why didn't her Persona evolve? Why is she still Eurydice? Orpheus turned into Messiah, after all...

Well, it doesn't matter. Eurydice is more than enough.

Ken

“You sure about this?”

Sanada-san asks him this as he prepares his spear. “I'm sure,” Ken says, trying to keep his voice steady. Honestly, he doesn't feel good about it. Any of it. But there's no choice, not anymore...

“If you don't want to do this-”

“I have to do this,” Ken insists. “I'm not doing this to help you, Sanada-san. I'm doing this because I believe it's right. I promised to follow my heart.”

Akihiko nods slowly. “Just so you know, I would've preferred it didn't come to this. I especially didn't want to drag you into it. But...” He shakes his head. “They've been blinded by fear and rage and grief. I understand it. I can't pretend I've handled all of this particularly well, either. But I don't want to undo Makoto's work.”

“I agree.”

He's not completely happy about throwing away the keys like this. There's a part of him, however small it might be, that wants nothing more than to do as Yukari-san and Kotone-san say. That part of him wants to go back to the past and save Makoto-san, like he did for them so many times. But...

It's just so hard to imagine succeeding without him. How can they take Makoto-san out of the last battle and still claim victory?

He thrusts his spear forward a few times to test it out. His Evoker feels heavier than ever before, but he still refuses to let go of it. The idea of turning his weapons against his friends hurts him deeply, but...

He sighs and shakes his head. This is necessary, in the end. There's no other choice. He can't abstain, like the others are. He can't allow this to come down to Aigis and Kotone. He can't.

“You ready?” Sanada-san asks him.

“Yeah,” Ken breathes. “As ready as I'm gonna be.”

Sanada places a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You've grown a lot this year, Ken,” he says, his voice soft and careful. “No matter what happens, I want you to know I'm proud of you.”

Ken meets his gaze, and nods carefully, trying hard to hold back tears. “Thank you.”

Aigis

“We are not going to kill anyone.”

Metis frowns at her. “They are the cause of this, Sister. All we have to do is get rid of them, and the Abyss will be cleared. You won't even have to make a choice, then. You will be able to leave without consequences.”

“Losing my friends is a consequence.” Aigis shakes her head. “If you can't see that, you cannot call me Sister.”

“You-” Metis' eyes widen. “I don't understand!”

“I will not kill any of them, and neither will you. All we want is the keys.” She has to stick to the plan. She will get everyone back on the same side, even if it isn't easy. Makoto-san sometimes struggled, too. He had moments when he lost his faith, or when others started to doubt him. Aigis never realized before how painful those moments must have been for him.

She'll hold strong, though, just like he always did.

-

When the gather at the center of the stadium, she finds herself faltering just a bit.

It's not easy, after all, to see the looks of blinding rage on the faces of the two people Makoto-san loved more than anyone else. She had thought, once, that she herself might have been lucky enough to be third in his thoughts. Now, she isn't quite as sure. Can she truly say he would not resent her for refusing this chance?

Then again, she isn't refusing the chance. Not yet, at least.

Kotone-san nods to Aigis. “You ready?”

“I am.”

“Good. I'm not holding back.”

“Hang on,” Akihiko-san grunts. “We need some ground rules.”

Yukari shrugs. “Last one standing gets the keys. Don't think we need anything more than that.”

Akihiko shakes his head. “No. That's not enough. We are not walking out of here with another body. We take the keys. That's all. No killing.”

“And if we won't give up our keys till we're dead?” Kotone presses.

“It won't come to that,” Aigis insists.

“Fine. No killing, then. Anything else?”

“I think that rule is sufficient,” Metis says. For once, no one contradicts her. To tell the truth, Aigis can think of no other rules, either. So long as no one will kill, there's no need to restrict anything else.

The others are nowhere to be seen, but Aigis has a feeling they're watching. Either through Juno, or through some sort of magic unique to this place. Either way, she suspects there are eyes upon their duel. She doesn't intend to disappoint her friends. She will fight, yes, but she will not harm the ones Makoto-san cared for.

“We good, then?” Kotone asks.

“Yeah,” Akihiko says, nodding. “I think we are.”

“Good.” Without waiting another second, Kotone raises her naginata and slashes at Aigis hard.

Kotone

She's thrown off Aigis quickly.

Metis – of course – is the one to stop her in her assault. Instantly, the whole stadium erupts into chaos. Kotone pushes Metis aside and looks up just in time to see Akihiko dodge one of Yukari's arrows, while Ken seems to hesitate off to the side a bit. Aigis does the same, and that awakens a fury in Kotone she didn't even know was there.

She slaps at Metis with the edge of her blade, which effectively stops the android from pursuing her for now. With the opening, she rushes Aigis, throwing all her weight into a slash that connects with her neck, forcing her to the ground.

Aigis recovers quickly, as could be expected from a robot. She raises her hands and fires a round of bullets, which Kotone slashes out of the air, dodging those that she cannot stop. She slides to a halt, grabs her Evoker, and screams out, “Eurydice!” A storm of ice follows, and Aigis is caught in the midst of it. Kotone can't help but grin. She and Makoto had both gotten used to swapping Personas on the fly to avoid being caught out by weaknesses, but Aigis is still new to the wild card. She crumbles.

Before she can take advantage of this, though, she's stabbed through the calf from behind. She lets out a yelp and twists around, channeling a bit of healing energy into her wound by reflex. It's stronger than she anticipates, so Yukari must have found an opening to help her out. When she looks up, she finds that it was Ken who attacked her, and his eyes are wide as he stares at her on the ground.

“Thought you'd learned your lesson after October,” Kotone snarls at him, pushing herself back up. “Killing solves nothing.”

“I know that.”

“Then why are you trying to kill Makoto?”

Ken flinches, but doesn't respond. He stabs at her with his spear, and she deflects the attack lazily. His heart clearly isn't in this. Kotone doesn't hesitate to press him, forcing him further and further back as he tries desperately to keep up with her.

Just when she thinks she can force him to surrender, though, she's caught off guard by a punch to the face. She falls to the ground, her naginata slipping from her fingers. She hits the ground hard, eating some dust in the process. sh*t, sh*t, get back up. She just barely manages to turn over quickly enough to dodge a second strike from Akihiko. His hand hits the ground, so she's able to push him off her, kicking him hard in the stomach. He doubles over, but recovers himself with trained swiftness. She didn't expect him to go down easy, of course.

She regains her footing, and catches a glimpse of Yukari attempting to fend off both Aigis and Metis. That won't last long if I don't help out. The fury that's been building is reaching a crescendo at this point. Why are both teams so determined to beat us? We're the ones trying to save Makoto... Aigis and Akihiko seem completely disinterested in one another, though. It's not a free-for-all. It's everyone against Kotone and Yukari.

She's never been angrier in her life.

Kotone forces herself to stand strong, letting out a roar unlike any noise she'd thought herself capable of making. Another voice joins her in discordant harmony, and for a single moment she thinks it belongs to Yukari, before she realizes that it, in fact, belongs to Eurydice. Her Persona hovers above her, clutching at her skull and screaming in ravenous pain.

And then Eurydice contorts, her elegant and peaceful form twisting into something far more dire, far more viscous, and Kotone grins at the feeling. “Come on!” she screams out, her throat tearing apart. “ALECTO!”

Eurydice screams, and then erupts into darkness. What remains is a hellish creature, floating just above Kotone's head on bat's wings.

Her laughter turns into cackling as she swipes forward with a brutal darkness attack, pushing both Metis and Aigis off Yukari and buying her companion a respite. When Ken attempts to strike out at her, she lashes out again, catching his weakness and forcing him to his knees.

Akihiko holds his ground against her the longest, but Kotone's never felt power like this before. Alecto matches Caesar blow for blow, but her strikes are far stronger and far less restrained. Caesar loses ground, no matter how hard Akihiko tries to stand his.

Before she can even win the duel, Akihiko lets out a cry and falls to his knees, and Kotone looks down to see that there's an arrow in his calf. He's clutching at it, wincing in pain as he attempts to pull it out of the flesh. Kotone looks up and nods at Yukari, her eyes alight with black flame.

Kotone bends down and grabs the key from Akihiko's hands. He tries to stop her, letting out a gasping “No!”, but it's too late. She takes his key, and he crumbles, falling further to the ground. He's done, now. Losing his key took away the remainder of his strength. “Stay down,” she growls at him, but she doubts he even needs the warning. He's done.

Standing, Kotone turns to Ken. “You don't want another wave of darkness,” she says, her voice steady. “I'm thinking Alecto can destroy Kala-nemi any day, and you don't have any help, now. Hand over your key.”

He forces himself up, leaning hard on his spear. “I won't,” he hisses. “I can't. Please, Kotone-san, you have to-”

“Shut the hell up. Don't beg me to kill my brother.” She swipes her naginata through the air, and a wave of dark flames emanate from the blade, courtesy of Alecto. This power is unlike anything she felt as a wild card. “I'm going to save him. You're the monsters here, not me.”

With that, she slashes out, and he just barely manages to catch her attack with the haft of his spear. Her strength vastly outmatches his, though, and he falls backwards onto the ground after just a momentary struggle. “Stay down,” she snarls, but he just gets back up.

Before she can attack again, though, she's caught off guard from the side. Before she can lose her ground, though, Alecto swipes in and forces Metis off her. “Good!” Kotone growls, grinning from ear to ear. “Now the real fight can begin!” She rushes Metis, who calls upon Psyche just a moment too late. Steel meets steel, and Metis falls backwards.

“Sister...” she croaks out.

Aigis appears as if from nowhere, attacking with force. “Orpheus!” she calls out, and her brother's Persona attacks her. Kotone shakes her head. No, Orpheus isn't his right now. They'll be reunited soon, she knows it, but right now his power's been stolen.

Alecto throws Orpheus aside without issue, but Kotone gets pushed back by Aigis. Just a moment into their struggle, though, Aigis is blown away by an enormously powerful wind attack, and Kotone grins to see Yukari back in the fight. “Let's finish this!” Kotone calls to her, and Yukari nods, determined.

Yukari turns her attention to Metis, the two of them fighting one another with fury, while Kotone remains focused on Aigis. “Don't make me do this, Kotone-san,” Aigis says, softly, her blue eyes piercing her.

“It's too late for this,” Kotone says, her voice sharp.

“Very well.”

Kotone is the first to leap forward, the blade of her naginata slamming into Aigis' neck and catching there. The android winces, and Kotone feels a sick pleasure in seeing her in pain. “You were supposed to protect him!” she screams at Aigis, calling upon Alecto for a devastating dark attack.

Apparently, Aigis has been getting better at swapping Personas on the fly, though. She tanks the attack, then tosses aside the naginata and calls upon Orpheus again. He's no match for Alecto, though. One of Orpheus' weaknesses is darkness. Alecto annihilates him, and Aigis crumbles to her knees yet again.

“It's over,” Kotone growls at her.

Aigis looks up, her robotic eyes locking with Kotone's own. “Not yet,” she says. With an effort, she pushes herself up, then closes her eyes briefly, looks up to the sky, and roars, “Thanatos!”

Before Kotone can even react, Thanatos appears, unleashes an unbelievable almighty attack, and Kotone has no choice but to accept the damage. Her entire body seems to light up, pain spreading throughout every nerve. She screams, but the sound can't even be heard over the noise of the explosion. Alecto disappears, and Kotone falls to her knees.

No, no, no! Get the hell back up! I can't lose this! She tries to push herself up, but her knees just won't obey her. When she attempts to lean on her naginata, the handle splinters, and she falls back to the dusty ground. “No!” she cries, but her limbs feel so weak. She can't get back up. She finds herself reminded of that moment at the top of Tartarus, when she'd tried desperately to stop Makoto, only for the weight of Nyx's attacks to push her back to the ground.

Aigis turns away from her, instead watching the fight between Metis and Yukari come to an end. Kotone briefly closes her eyes, knowing that their battle will come to a similar conclusion. When she opens her eyes again, Yukari is on the ground, too, her bow broken and her Evoker lost.

With a sigh, Aigis steps up to her and kneels down by her. “I'm sorry, Yukari-san.”

Yukari doesn't respond except to break into sobs, as Aigis reaches out and takes her key.

Kotone watches in dejection as the android begins to walk back towards her. “Kotone-san...” Aigis says, softly.

“Don't try and pity me.”

“I...” Aigis hesitates, then sighs. “I didn't want it to end this way. But I am doing this for him. I failed him, and so I must do right by him this time. I promise, I will not fail him again.”

Kotone meets her gaze, shaking her head. “I never blamed you for what happened to him, Aigis. None of us understood it. How could we? There's nothing you could have done.” She looks down, and spits up some blood. “But.. if you do this... If you take my key and do anything with it but return to the past... You will be killing him, Aigis. I need you to know that.”

Aigis studies her for a moment, then reaches down silently and takes her key. And Kotone feels the last of her strength dissolve.

Aigis

Ken-san surrenders his key willingly. Whether out of fear, or obligation, or desire, Aigis has no idea. Makoto-san would have known, she suspects.

With all the defiant keys united, the doors of the stadium open once more, and the others are able to enter. Junpei-san and Mitsuru-san lead the pack, both of them looking terribly uncomfortable with the sight of the aftermath. “Satisfied?” Junpei says, his voice harsh.

“We did what was necessary,” Metis says.

“Quiet,” Aigis says, a bit more sharply than she'd intended. She looks down at Kotone-san, and offers her a hand to help her up. Kotone locks eyes with her, then scowls and gets up without help. Now that the keys are steady, her wounds seem to have healed. A glance confirms that this is the case for Akihiko-san and Yukari-san as well.

Mitsuru-san approaches Aigis carefully. “You have the rebellious keys, now,” she says, her voice soft. “So... what is it you intend to do with them?”

“You never actually had a plan, did you?” Aigis turns with a start as Yukari approaches her. Even without weapons, she makes a formidable sight. “So, what, you just defeated us so that you could admit you have no idea what you're gonna do? Is that it?” Without giving her a chance to respond, Yukari lunges forward and grabs the united key in Aigis' hands. “So give it to me! Give me the key!”

“It doesn't matter, now,” Metis says. There's a slight bit more empathy in her voice than before. “You lost your key. Only those who have not forfeited their key can choose how they will be used.”

Yukari's gaze snaps to Metis, and she stares, wide-eyed, for a long moment. Then, all at once, the strength seems to leave her again, and she collapses to the ground, her knees striking the dirt hard, her hands falling to her sides. “Do you understand what you've done?” she cries. “We had one chance! One! And-” A sob cuts through her body, and she hugs herself slightly. “I just... I want to see him again! Not a memory, not a dream or a nightmare or whatever else. I want to see him.”

“Yukari-san...” Aigis whispers.

“No! You don't get it! I... I was alone, for so long, and then there was him, and...” She lets out a shuddering sob, shrinking even more into herself, if that's possible. “I need him. I want him. I miss him so much, and I can't- I can't go on without him. I don't want to do this without him! And now you've given up the one chance we had to save him, and-” Another choking sob, and it seems Yukari is unable to say anything more.

Aigis stares at her, trying desperately to think of what to say. She knows that Makoto-san would have been able to comfort her, would have been able to comfort anyone, but he isn't here, and maybe, just maybe, Yukari is right, and... She can't even understand her own thoughts.

Before she can find the words, though, Mitsuru steps forward and kneels down next to her friend. “Yukari... I'm not going to act as though I understand entirely how you feel. But... What I can tell you is that you are not alone. We're all with you. All of us. We will not abandon you.”

Yukari makes another choked noise. “That's exactly what I promised him! And then I broke that promise! I... I wasn't even there for him, in the end...” She looks up at Aigis, who crouches down to her level as well, if only to make things easier for her. “Do you have any idea what I would've given just to be in your place, Aigis? He needed me, and I wasn't there, and...” She shakes her head, swallowing hard. “I'll never forgive myself for that.”

“It wasn't your fault, Yukari-san,” Aigis says, her voice gentler than it's ever been before. “Nyx's power was absolute.”

“It doesn't matter! We all remembered because of our promise, right? So why couldn't I remember my first promise!? Why the hell did I have to forget when I told him I'd never leave him!?”

There are tears in Mitsuru-san's eyes now, too, but she holds her voice steady as she wraps her arms around Yukari. “We all have regrets, Yukari. We all have things we wish we could have done for him, things we wish we could have said to him. But... Changing the past will not solve anything. Going against his wishes would only harm him more. You must understand that.”

Yukari chokes back another sob. “I know, I know, but...” She shakes her head. “I know, I could probably move on with enough time. I probably don't need him. But...” She swallows hard again, tears flowing freely from her eyes. “I want him. I don't want to go on without him. I don't want to have to do this without him. I love him so much, and I never thought I'd ever feel like that for anyone, and...” She looks at the dirt beneath her. “I wish I could've just died with him. I would've preferred that.”

“He would not have wanted that for you.”

“What about what I want!? Doesn't that matter at all!?”

Mitsuru sighs. “Of course it does, Yukari. But... If you love him, surely you can respect the decisions he made? None of this should have had to happen, but... It has. I don't know if you can truly say that you love him if you aren't willing to accept the choice he made.”

Yukari gives no response except to weep further, crumbling into Mitsuru's arms and sobbing without even taking a moment to breathe. Aigis clutches her hands to her heart and watches, uncertain what to say or do, if anything. She feels frozen.

“How do none of you get this?”

The new voice causes all of them to look up, to see Kotone staring dead ahead, her hands clenched into fists. “Kotone-san?” Aigis says, hoarsely.

“Of course someone has to die. That's obvious. It's been obvious. There was never gonna be a version of this where we all lived happily ever after. Igor said it himself, in the Velvet Room. Power always comes with a cost. The point was never to avert death entirely. It was just to fix the mistakes.”

“The... mistakes?” Akihiko says, uncertainly.

“Yes! God, isn't it so obvious!? Someone has to pay the price for salvation, but why did it have to be him!?” Only then does Kotone look up, her eyes bloodshot. “It should have been me!”

Aigis... hadn't expected this.

The entirety of the team stares at Kotone, wide-eyed, unsure what to say or do. The world itself seems to still, and even Metis does not break the silence.

“You...” Junpei finally manages. “You were gonna...”

“I was going to fix things,” Kotone spits. “I was going to take his place, and that would be that! It would have solved everything! You would have had Makoto back, and I-”

“You were going to kill yourself,” Junpei says, accusingly.

Kotone shakes her head. “I was going to protect him, the way he always protected me. You all keep saying how noble his sacrifice was, and all that sh*t, but he was the one who had something to live for. I could've given up my life and nothing would've changed! It would have been for the best.”

“We don't trade lives,” Akihiko says, his voice sharp.

“No, we do not,” Mitsuru says, standing carefully. She helps Yukari up, who looks just as shocked, behind the veil of tears. “We will not kill you to save him.”

“I didn't...” Yukari croaks. “That was your plan? I thought...”

“Thought what? That we'd just go back and win this time and we'd all live happily ever after? Did you even think about this? Nyx cannot be overcome through normal means. It's not like we could just fight harder and somehow win this time. It doesn't work like that. Someone has to pay the price, but there's no reason it should've been him.”

An explosion of voices erupts then, and Aigis finds herself lost in the shuffle of it. Everyone yells at one another, even Koromaru joining in with hasty barks.

“Everyone.”

The team finally quiets as Aigis calls out, her voice managing to cut through the noise. They all turn to her, but Kotone looks away. “What? Now that you know my plan, maybe you'll agree with me?”

“I never entirely disagreed with you, Kotone-san,” Aigis says, softly, and their former leader finally meets her gaze, surprise in her eyes. “My goal here was not to avoid returning to the past or the present. I have a suggestion. I just... needed to make sure you were subdued before you would listen to it.”

“A suggestion?” Yukari manages.

Aigis nods. “We still don't know why he died. We don't know whether it was necessary or not. We don't know the context of the situation. How can we make a decision until we know everything? So...” She draws herself up tall, eliminating the slouch that has been creeping into her posture ever since she developed her humanity. “I suggest that we see his memories. I suggest that we see Makoto-san's side of this.”

“Is...” Akihiko shuffles on his feet, his eyes turning to Metis. “Is that possible?”

Metis hesitates. “I don't understand this place much better than any of you, admittedly. But... Yes, I think we could see his memories. His door in the dorm would likely work as an access point. But...” She shifts slightly, uncomfortable. “Extracting memories from the dead is not the same as extracting memories from the living. They will be unfiltered. You'll be seeing the most important parts of this person's life. The most intense memories, good and bad. You may see things you don't want to see. You may not see things you do want to see. There's no telling, either way.”

“Nonetheless,” Aigis says, “I think it is necessary. We need to know what he did, and why.” She looks back to Kotone. “If you are correct, then we will return to the past. If not, we will return to the present. I am open to either option. We simply need to know which is correct before we choose.”

“I...” Kotone hesitates, then nods. “Okay.”

“Are you sure?” Mitsuru asks, her eyes darting between Kotone and Yukari. “You will have to see his memories. Are... are you sure the two of you can handle that?”

“No,” Yukari says, instantly. “But... I think Aigis is right. We need to do this.”

Mitsuru nods. “Very well.” She looks to Aigis, touching her own key gingerly. “I suppose you would like the remainder of the keys?”

Aigis shakes her head. “I do not want all the power to myself. It is bad enough that I've taken four keys that do not belong to me. The rest of you will keep yours, until the end.”

“I... Very well.”

There's a tiny noise, almost like laughing. They all turn, confused, to Kotone. She looks up, the slightest hint of a smile on her face, and she directs it at Aigis. “Y'know, maybe you are a leader, after all.”

Aigis shakes her head. “I'm only doing what I think Makoto-san would have done. And...” She takes a single step forward. “And what I think you would have done, Kotone-san. Before this.”

Kotone averts her gaze, tearing up a little bit. “Yeah,” she says, her voice shrunken. “Before.”

Chapter 10: The One Who Turns To Light

Chapter Text

Yukari

Staring at his door right now, she honestly wonders if she can do this.

Aigis isn't wrong. As much as it pains and confuses her to admit that, Aigis really is not wrong. They don't know the truth of what happened. They can't make a real decision until they know.

But... seeing his memories...

A hand falls on her shoulder gently, and she turns to see Mitsuru there. “Stay strong, Yukari.”

She just nods, unable to speak.

“Is... everyone ready?” Aigis says, softly.

“Ready as we're gonna get, I think,” Kotone responds, her voice a little bit choked. None of them have had an easy time looking at her since returning to the dorm. She intended to die. I thought she was holding to hope, like I was, but... Honestly, she's not sure what terrifies her more: the idea that Kotone wanted to die in place of Makoto, or the fact that she briefly considering going along with her.

But... that Persona... Alecto... God, that had been horrifying to witness. To see Kotone scream like that, and for Eurydice to contort in that disgusting way, her elegant features giving way to a twisted abomination... The feeling that emanated from Eurydice had always been uncertain and faint, but peaceful. Alecto... Alecto was vengeance. Alecto was fury and violence. Alecto was cruelty. Yukari had thought her own heart was tangled and confused right now; how messed up must Kotone's be for her to awaken to a power like that?

Before she can descend any further into those thoughts, Aigis turns the knob, and a flash of light takes them once more into the past. They wind up on the Moonlight Bridge, plainly on a cold night, but with fire brimming all around. It doesn't take long for anyone to realize what moment this is.

The scene focuses in on a single car, all but destroyed. One of the back doors opens suddenly, and a small boy stumbles out, clutching a body with him, just a little smaller than him. Yukari's eyes widen as she realizes that this is Makoto as a seven year old, dragging his sister out of the wreckage on the night of the Moonlight Bridge disaster, and...

The second he's sure Kotone is safe – or as safe as she can be expected to be – he forces himself back into the backseat, scrambling towards the front, and failing to reach it. His eyes lock on the figure in the driver's seat, a woman pinned beneath the crushed hood. She looks back at him – at her son – and whispers a word: “Live.”

And then the flames consume her, and Makoto cries out in horror.

Yukari can only stare, her eyes wide. God, she'd been traumatized to her core just to hear about her father's death. To witness both of his parents burning right in front of his eyes...

Makoto practically falls back out of the car, flopping down next to his sister. The second he regains his footing, he attempts to move her away from the fires, but his strength has mostly left him. He collapses next to her, tears streaming down his face, his hands clutching at her helplessly.

And then an explosion rocks the trusses, and he turns his head in shock to see two figures in the darkness, battling in the smoke. One of them is vaguely human-shaped, while the other... the other looks almost exactly like Thanatos. Death, Yukari thinks, and Aigis.

Makoto watches this battle with wide eyes, his hands still clinging to his sister's form. Most of it happens beyond the veil of smoke, until Aigis steps out from beyond the curtain, holding something that looks like a blue light in her hand. She approaches him stiffly, lacking all of the human grace she'd developed over the past year. He looks up at her in horror, as she approaches him step by step. Yukari wonders, for a moment, why he didn't attempt to run, only to realize that to run would mean to abandon Kotone. Even as a child, he would never do that.

Aigis bends down, and the memory fades.

“He... he was just a child,” Mitsuru croaks. “Death... This only happened because of my grandfather...”

“If I had not sealed Death within him...” Aigis says, softly.

Akihiko shakes his head, his arms crossed over his chest. “You had no other choice.”

“I mean...” Kotone says, her voice small, “I was there, too.”

Aigis shakes her head. “You were not a suitable vessel. It was clear back then. To tell the truth, I was not certain you would survive the insertion of Death. Your body was weak from the accident. Makoto-san was mostly healthy, despite everything.”

Kotone scoffs and looks away. “So, if I'd just been a little less weak...?”

“We haven't seen anything real yet,” Junpei says. “We gotta watch more.”

Yukari really doesn't want to see more. But she agreed to this. She'll just have to deal with it.

She finds herself thinking, weirdly, about other couples. She wonders if they would show each other baby pictures, giggling at what their partner looked like when they were young. This is the only time she's seen Makoto when he was a kid. In the most horrifying, traumatizing moment of his life. When everything for him was changed forever.

She lets out a sigh, and tries not to cry... much.

Junpei

When the new scene comes into focus, they find themselves in a dingy apartment.

The room they're in is small and cramped, with two twin beds shoved lazily up against a wall. Despite the obviously old building, the room is relatively clean. Junpei isn't particularly surprised by that. The twins were always meticulous about their living spaces.

Makoto sits on the edge of one of the beds, watching a sleeping Kotone in the other one. Based on his appearance, they would have been around twelve or thirteen in this memory. He's older than the Moonlight Bridge, but still not quite sixteen. His hair is a bit more ratty than it was when Junpei knew him, probably as a result of his living conditions. This place probably didn't have a very good shower.

A sudden cry comes from another room, and Makoto looks up carefully. He seems to ponder the door for a second before heading out into the living room. It's filthy in there, and Junpei finds himself reminded suddenly of his own home, and his own old man.

That comparison only becomes all the more obvious when the source of the cry makes himself known. A chubby, aging man, with a cracked beer bottle in one hand and a gash gushing blood on his right arm. A drunk, Junpei thinks, instantly.

Makoto rushes forward and grabs the wounded arm. The drunkard is panicking too much to resist him, so Makoto is able to look it over without a struggle. “Stay here,” he says, softly. “Don't move, and don't take the glass out.” With that, he heads off towards his shared room. A moment later he returns with some supplies, and sets to work tending to his guardian's wound.

When his work is done, it looks almost like an actual doctor did it. “You need to go to the hospital,” Makoto says, his voice as gentle as ever. “Come on.” He helps the man onto his shoulder, and half-carries him out the door.

The memory flashes into an emergency room, where the drunkard sits on a table, getting stitches from a doctor. Makoto sits on a stool nearby, watching the process with careful eyes.

“You're a lucky man,” the doctor says, casually. “If your son hadn't acted so quickly, this could've been much worse.” He finishes his work, then turns to Makoto. “You should consider becoming a doctor when you grow up, kid.”

Makoto gives him a look, but says nothing. True to form, even then.

The next cut happens too quickly, with a slice of pain and a flash of colors. Junpei feels something hard in his stomach, like one of his ribs has been dislodged. He only just manages to keep his footing, even in his spectator position. What the hell is this...? It's not a new memory, so...

When the image focuses, he sees Makoto on the ground, clutching at his side, but his face remains as impassive as always. “Hiding needles and knives, are ya?” the drunk growls, holding a wrench high above his head. “What, you thought you'd get away with that, little rat?” He slams the wrench down on Makoto's side, but he hardly even reacts. He flinches from the pain, but doesn't cry out. How the hell did he not cry out?

He can hear a little squeaking next to him, and he turns to see Yukari squeezing her eyes shut tight, trying hard to hold back tears, and failing. He wants to hug her, but he's honestly not even sure she'd appreciate it.

The scene changes again, this time bringing them back into the twins' room. “Are you okay?” Kotone whispers to Makoto as he stumbles back into bed.

“Yeah.”

“You... don't look okay.”

“It's nothing.”

She shakes her head. “I heard him yelling at you. And... I heard something metal. He didn't just use his fists, did he?”

Makoto hesitates. Junpei can sort of feel his thoughts. There's a war going on in his mind right now, between telling the truth and protecting his sister. In the end, Makoto remains honest. “He used a wrench this time.”

Kotone sucks in air. “He-”

“Quiet. Don't wake him.”

“We can't keep putting up with this!” she hisses, under her breath.

“I know,” Makoto mutters back, nursing his side. “But it won't last forever. Don't worry. We'll get out of here eventually. Soon. I promise.”

“I... How can you know that?”

“It never lasts forever. You should know that by now.”

Another series of flashes, but most of them mean next to nothing. Little scenes of the twins in various foster homes, dealing with abusive guardians, one after another. Junpei flinches every time. His own dad was a real piece of sh*t, but he'd never been a hitter. Not really, at least.

The next scene is washed out and odd, strangely distorted and discolored. Makoto enters a different apartment, and he's definitely around fourteen, now. He looks up, hears something, and throws down his bag before rushing back towards a bathroom. When he opens the door, Kotone turns around, clutching her right arm, crying and drenched in blood.

Junpei's heart sinks.

Because none of the others know what this is, but he does. Kotone told him about it, on the roof, before the last battle. How she'd lost the will to live, how she'd cut her arm open the whole way up, only to realize in a flash that she didn't really want to die. And then Makoto had come, and of course this was a potent enough memory for him to think of it, but-

The scene fades as quick as it came.

“What...?” Yukari gasps, through her tears. “What was that?”

“Nothing,” Kotone grunts.

“Clearly not,” Mitsuru says. “If he thought of it, then-”

“I just-” Kotone hesitates. “Look... Not here, okay? Let's see the rest of it, and then I'll... I'll tell you all about it. I promise. Just... Not yet.”

Junpei shifts on his feet. “Are... Are you sure, Kotone?”

She locks eyes with him. “Yeah. I am.”

Fuuka

She's already overwhelmed by the time the third memory begins.

It's not that she didn't know Makoto and Kotone had suffered abuse during their time in foster homes, but... This was something she'd never expected. To see Makoto accept a beating so casually, then brush it off like it was nothing... It makes her wonder what else had happened, to make that seem tame.

She doubts they'll see anything of that nature, though. It was always clear that Makoto had repressed quite a few memories. That one of Kotone in the bathroom was faint, just barely even visible through the haze. Given how deeply he'd pushed his trauma down, all she can really hope for is that they'll see something that will tell them what to do.

When the scene shifts, they're in another small apartment, but this one is a little bit nicer than the previous one. Makoto is looking out a window when the door opens, and Kotone walks in behind him. They look far more similar to how they did when Fuuka knew them, so this must have been a relatively recent memory.

“Hey,” she says. “We got a high school offer.”

Makoto raises an eyebrow. “I don't remember applying to any high schools.”

“It's... well, it's from Iwatodai. The Kirijo Group. Apparently, they're trying to make amends for the accident. Our names were on the list.”

“If they wanted to help us, why wait this long?”

“Who knows? Does it really matter? Look.” She strides forward and thrusts a piece of paper at him. “Full tuition. Dorms. Dorms. We wouldn't have guardians for two years, and then we'll be eighteen and graduated.”

“Dorms aren't co-ed.”

“Apparently Gekkoukan has a co-ed dorm. That's where we'd live, at least for a little while.” She shifts on her feet. “It, uh, wouldn't be the same room, but at least it's the same building.”

“Are you sure you'd be okay with that?”

“I mean, not really, but...” Kotone hesitates, shifting on her feet. “Do you really want to deal with this sh*t for two more years? We can get out. I mean, Gekkoukan's supposed to be a really nice school, too. Maybe we could actually turn things around, y'know? We don't want to do this forever, right?”

Makoto sighs softly and looks back out the window. His thoughts are dim, but Fuuka can sort of sense them. He's considering how little he cares about the future, but how much he wants Kotone to escape the cage of her misery. It's a disconnect from the last memory.

That last scene, the one in the bathroom... Something happened there, something we aren't seeing, but... What could have changed him so much then? Why is he colder, now? The differences are subtle, but clear to anyone who knew him.

Kotone leans her head on his shoulder. “What do you think?”

“What do you want to do?”

“I think we gotta take the chance. We might not get another one.”

“Alright.”

“Good. I'll get your forms. We'll fill 'em out and send them tomorrow. Don't want the fuzz to catch onto us before we get a chance to escape, right?”

Yet again, the memory fades, and they end up in the void. “Guess it was probably Ikutsuki who made that offer, huh?” Kotone asks.

“Most likely,” Mitsuru says, averting her gaze. “I knew nothing of it. Making reparations for the accident... Well, it's a plausible enough excuse, I suppose. I wonder what he would have done if you refused him.”

“Doesn't matter. We didn't.”

Fuuka looks away. She hates this. Living in their own memories was difficult enough, but Makoto's... He's not alive to comment on them, or explain, or anything, and of course everyone's feelings are enormous and unpredictable, overwhelming Fuuka at just about every junction. Even Junpei and Mitsuru are no longer emotionally stable, so she's lost anyone to ground herself by.

It's bad, and it's only going to get worse.

Aigis

She wasn't at the dorm the night Makoto awakened to Orpheus, but she knows the story well. Still, seeing it herself is something else entirely.

“What are you doing?” Yukari screams at him, as he stares vacantly out the window. “Do you want to die!?”

“I don't really care.”

He says those words so simply, so casually, with so little interest. He's nothing like the man she knew, throughout her time in SEES. The one who fought and bled and died for them. The one who clung to life for a full month past the time he was meant to die, just to see them all again...

Kotone has to drag Makoto up to the roof, following Yukari in her haste. Once they get up there, though, they realize that the Shadow has followed them. Just as Aigis expects, the monstrous full moon Shadow scales the building, striding across the roof and slapping Yukari out of the way like she's nothing. Her Evoker lands at Makoto's feet, and he stares down at it, then looks at Yukari.

He feels fear, for once. But it's not for himself. It's not even really for Kotone, not right now. He's afraid for Yukari. He doesn't want her to die. He refuses to allow her to die.

That was his strongest impulse, was it not? To protect those around him, even at his own expense. I struggled to understand that, throughout January. To understand why he would help others even when it would hurt him. His final act was nothing more than a grander version of the actions he'd taken throughout his life, she supposes.

He grabs the Evoker and presses it to his head. Before he pulls the trigger, though, there's the slightest flash; the image of a child in striped clothes, looking forward and whispering, “Go on.”

Only then does he activate his Persona.

Orpheus, and then pain, and then Thanatos, and then darkness. Just like the records state.

“Who...?” Aigis says, then loses her words as they are thrust back into the void between memories, her mind disoriented briefly. “Who was that child?”

“I... have no idea...” Yukari says.

Kotone hesitates. “I saw him once, too. He had us both sign a contract when we reached the dorms. But I never saw him again after that, and Makoto never mentioned him...” She bites her lip. “Then again, he had Death sealed inside him. According to Ryoji, the two of them used to talk. I guess... Maybe that's what Ryoji looked like before he was complete?”

“We'll find out eventually,” Akihiko says. “Let's keep going.”

Kotone

She almost laughs when they end up in the command room, right before the mission to save Fuuka. Almost.

Mitsuru nods at Makoto, who seems to hardly be listening. “And we can count on your strength?”

“I understand.”

“Do you really?”

At this, Kotone really does chuckle a little bit. She'd almost forgotten about these early days, when it was a coin flip as to whether Yukari was going to be crushing on Makoto or yelling at him.

“I may not have the same kind of resolve that Sanada-senpai has,” Yukari says. “But even so, if I see someone I can help, I want to help them. I want to help Yamagishi-san, too. But you don't even care. Don't come if you're just doing it because you were asked to. It really pisses me off when you do that.”

Kotone remembers her own discomfort at this moment, being completely unable to say anything either way. Makoto, on the other hand, apparently felt nothing at all here. His feelings aren't bleeding through the memory in even the subtlest way.

“Alright,” he says, standing and leaving.

The memory shifts, and then they're in his room. He sits on the edge of his bed, looking at his Evoker. He toys with the handle, lost in thoughts that even the memory won't tell them.

“Hi there,” a voice says, and he looks up to see that same child.

“What?”

“It looks like your teammates have found the girl. Good for them. After all, her abilities are something you guys need right now. Are you sure you shouldn't go?”

“I... don't know.”

“Even though the other girl has gone there?”

“The... other girl?”

Makoto wastes no time bolting from his room up to the vacant one, which would later be filled by none other than Fuuka herself. Moriyama is nowhere to be seen. “sh*t,” Makoto whispers, stumbling back towards the door, his eyes falling on the window and staring at the moon. “It's a full moon... again.”

“It looks like you'll be facing more than one ordeal tonight,” the child says. “They will all die if you do nothing.”

“They'll die?”

Finally, some terror seeps into Makoto's voice. Just that word - “die” - is enough to knock him off balance. His eye go wide, and his fingers tremble ever so slightly.

“Yes. You signed the contract, remember? You will take responsibility for everything that happens because of your decisions. Staying here is as decision, isn't it?”

“But... they'll die? Even Kotone?”

Her heart pangs a little bit to hear him single her out. It doesn't rally surprise her, for obvious reasons, but...

Thoughts and memories rush through Makoto's mind, flashing into Kotone's as well. Burning wreckage on the Moonlight Bridge, Aigis' hands dragging him from the smoldering ruins, and...

...and that day in winter, when she'd tried to end her own life.

“Can you accept that?” the child asks.

Makoto's hands clutch at his MP3 player, his breaths coming out ragged. “Die...” he whispers to himself.

The scene fades a bit, and they end up in the void again. “I...” Fuuka says, softly, her voice smaller than usual. “I never saw that side of it. I didn't know how...”

Yukari shakes her head. “Figures I'd have to see that again.”

“It meant a lot to him,” Mitsuru says.

Kotone nods. “Yeah. Honestly, I was the one who took offense at all that. Your concern really meant a lot to him, though.”

Yukari just nods back, her eyes bloodshot.

They aren't left in the void for long. The scene shifts, and now they're in Makoto's room again. He's sitting on the edge of the bed once more, and that same child sits across from him. “I worry about you, sometimes,” the child says. “Perhaps you would be able to deal with your pain more easily if you told somebody about it?”

“No.”

“Very well. The end is inevitable, you know. Or, at least, I strongly suspect it is. You won't have to suffer much longer, if I am correct. Does that comfort you? Or does it scare you?”

“Neither, really.”

Kotone sighs. That sounds about right for this time.

“You know,” the child continues, “with the potential within you, the end seems less certain. Maybe you could stop it after all. That is, if you wish to. The choice is yours and yours alone. Remember that. No one will force you to take a path you do not want, though they may attempt to influence your decision. In the end, though, no matter whose words may sway you, the responsibility is yours alone.”

“Are you saying I've been, what, chosen? I shouldn't have been. I don't really care.”

The child shifts on his feet briefly. “Hey, if you don't mind, could I be your friend?”

“Maybe you should tell me your name.”

“Name...? Oh, I see. I need a name.” He nods. “My name is Pharos. You may call me that if you wish.”

“Alright. Pharos. I expect I'll see you again.”

“Of course. You are very important to me. I am always with you, no matter what happens. Please remember that. Even if there is no one else with you, I am. So you don't ever need to be alone.”

A memory prods at Kotone. “Yeah,” she says, her voice gentle. “Ryoji... When he came to us on New Year's Eve, he said that he and Makoto used to talk, but that he had a different name, then. The name was Pharos.” She nods to the memory. “That's Ryoji.”

“Man,” Junpei says, shaking his head. “Weird to think about, huh?”

“It's... odd, to think that he was having conversations with the manifestation of Death,” Mitsuru mutters. “None of us had any idea, and yet...”

The memory changes before she can finish her thought.

Yet again, they're at the beach at Yakushima. Makoto stands next to Yukari, just as it had been in her memories. “I'm sorry,” Yukari says. “I shouldn't have said those things to you...”

“It's okay. I told you I'd listen. Even if you had to vent.”

“How do you have so much strength?” Makoto doesn't respond to that. Judging by the memory, he's not even considering the question. “I'm so afraid. I don't know what to do anymore... I'm totally lost. Tell me... what should I do?”

Makoto meets her gaze, and Kotone can feel the warmth in his heart.

Briefly, there's a flash of another memory, this one from when he was a child. Makoto sits on the floor, while a figure... their dad... sits on a chair in front of him, an acoustic guitar in his lap. He plays simple chords idly, and Makoto watches, enraptured. Then it ends, and he's back on the beach.

“You should continue to believe in him.”

“You really are something else, you know that?” Yukari says, shaking her head. “Guess we should head back. If Kirijo sent you, she'll want to know what's going on.”

“She didn't actually send me,” Makoto says. “I just thought you needed someone to hear you out.”

Kotone almost snorts. Mitsuru absolutely did send Makoto, but apparently he'd chosen this moment to try smooth talking.

“Ooh, you're such a gentleman,” Yukari giggles. “Thanks.”

Makoto hesitates slightly, and there's something almost like nervousness in him. It's an alien feeling to these memories, so far. Then he takes a step forward and embraces Yukari closely. She hesitates only for an instant before putting her arms around him, blushing furiously. Kotone finds herself smiling ever so slightly.

“He...” Yukari says, then chokes on the words a bit. She looks at her feet and clears her throat. “I didn't realize he was thinking of his dad, then. I didn't...”

“Makoto got a lot of his musical talents from him,” Kotone says, slowly. She still has trouble talking about their parents, if she's being honest. “There's a reason he hangs onto that guitar, even after all these years...” She hesitates. “Come to think of it, it's probably still in his room. I wonder...”

“Wonder what?” Mitsuru prods, gently.

“I... never mind. We should watch more before we draw any conclusions.”

The next scene is familiar; they'd already seen it from Yukari's perspective. It's the lounge, with her and Makoto talking. She asks him to the summer festival, but this time they feel his emotions, and it's interesting to see just how much... relief there is. It's like a weight's been lifted off his shoulders. When she rushes off, he watches her head up the stairs, and Kotone kinda has to giggle when she sees Yukari's shadow do a fist bump. She'd seen it first hand, but she didn't know Makoto had seen it, too.

Once he's alone, Makoto leans up against one of the dividers and smiles to himself, standing in what feels like complete contentment. He just stands there, smiling, and then the memory ends.

“I... guess he was just as love-struck as you were,” Kotone mutters softly, trying not to let too much misery seep into the words.

Yukari's staring wistfully at the void, the faintest of smiles on her face. “I... I mean, it's not like it's news. I know he was into me. But... I guess I never realized he was feeling those things even then. I guess it makes sense, but...” She shakes her head, looking away.

There's a whole series of visions after that, each one nothing more than a brief flash, bright and brilliant. Kotone catches glimpses of the summer festival, and something that she strongly suspects was Makoto and Yukari having sex, which she promptly deletes from her brain. It's not until a moment later that the scene settles down.

The two of them sit on a bench at the shrine. Yukari bites her lip and sighs, leaning against him. “So, I guess the only other thing we need to figure out is... Well, what to do about... last night.”

“In what way?”

“Well... A-are we, like...?”

“Dating?”

“Y-yeah.”

“I have no objections.”

Kotone giggles slightly as Yukari pulls away and slaps Makoto's shoulder. “Why're you talking about this like it's a business decision!?”

Makoto's smile is soft and kind and genuine, and Kotone feels a sudden pang in her heart. I'll never see that smile again, not really. Even the sweetest memories are tainted now, aren't they?

“Ugh, why do you have to have such a nice smile?” Yukari mutters, falling back onto Makoto's chest and holding him tightly. “Okay. So then. We're a couple now.”

“It would seem so, yes.”

The scene fades, and they wind up back in the void.

“Man,” Junpei says, rubbing the back of his head. “I... never really expected to see that much of... that whole thing.”

“What's that mean?” Yukari presses.

“I dunno. You and Makoto... None of us really needed to pry there, I guess. Like, you see other people in relationships and you have all these questions, all these things you just wanna pester them about, but...” He hesitates, then shakes his head and says, “With the two of you, I never really had any questions. It just felt like... Like you were made for each other.”

No one says anything, and Kotone shrinks a little bit. She hadn't said it aloud, but she'd felt pretty much the same thing. Despite her admittedly rocky start with Yukari, she'd been thrilled to see her and Makoto's relationship. There had never really been any doubt in her mind that the two of them were perfect for one another. Right from the start she could imagine marriage and kids and home-ownership and all that other crap. The two of them were destined for all that stuff... or so she'd thought.

Because looking at Yukari right now, you'd be forgiven for mistaking her for a corpse. She's dead on her feet again, staring out into the void and trying in vain to hold back tears. She probably thought the same things. Kotone remembers a few conversations, especially in January, where Yukari had expressed her desire to live the rest of her life with Makoto. Where she'd admitted to daydreaming about weddings. It had warmed Kotone's heart, back then, to see someone so deeply in love with her twin. Now it just hurts. Everything hurts.

She doesn't get a chance to consider it any more. The next memory starts.

Yukari

She needs a moment. A moment to breathe, to think, to process all this. But the Abyss is unrelenting, and she's given nothing.

The scene that appears is Kotone's room. By the look of it, it's around the time of the typhoon. Makoto sits by Kotone's bedside, and their leader looks mostly healthy, which means this memory is near the end of the break. “Hey, uh...” Kotone says, softly, looking at the ground. “Did you have the dream, too?”

“Of the Velvet Room? Yeah.”

“A great catastrophe...” Kotone muses, and Yukari feels a little pang in her heart. September... So the catastrophe was what happened to Shinjiro... Considering everything that came after that, there's no real way to interpret it otherwise. Kotone scoffs. “Igor's vagueness is really annoying sometimes, you know?”

“Nothing we can do about it,” Makoto says with a sigh. “Don't push yourself today, or you'll just get sick again. Get a bit of fresh air around noon if you feel up to it, but don't go beyond the stairs.”

“Yes, Mother.”

“Complain all you like, but follow my advice. If you want to go back to Tartarus any time soon, that is. We don't have long until the full moon. I have a feeling that's when this catastrophe will happen. Probably a good thing to get prepared sooner rather than later.”

Kotone nods. “I know.” She bites her lip, and Yukari can see the uncertainty in her eyes. “Hey, uh... I was just thinking... What if the catastrophe Igor was talking about was, well... ending the Dark Hour?”

Yukari flinches. She'd suspected something like this, once. It hurts to see it confirmed.

“What?”

“Well... The things those guys told us that night. About how our lives are better with the Dark Hour. I was just... I don't know. Would we really be doing as well as we are without it? Would I be the leader of this group? Would you be dating Yukari? Would either of us actually be happy, at all?”

Makoto looks away. “It does no good to think about those things.”

“Maybe... But, well, the point of the Velvet Room is to nurture our psyche, right? So a catastrophe would be decided based on its impact on us as people. What if getting rid of the Dark Hour... ruins our lives?”

It did, Yukari thinks, just not in the way Kotone had thought back then.

Makoto remains silent for a long time, but few of his thoughts seep through in the memory. It's like he's hiding his emotions even from himself. That can only really mean he was having the same doubts, and god does it hurt to see. Did he really think I'd feel nothing for him if we didn't have the Dark Hour? I wanted to get rid of it, and then be with him, normally...

But then, would she have changed her opinion on him all those months ago if she hadn't seen the lengths he was willing to go just to protect people? Maybe, she thinks. After all, his consideration for Kotone after her panic attack was one of the big things that made her see him in a new light. Plus the kindness he'd shown her at Yakushima. But... without Tartarus, would she really have fallen for him? It's hard to say.

Still, she was very in love with him by September. Getting rid of the Dark Hour would have only improved their relationship... just as long as he didn't die, like he did.

“You...” Mitsuru says, hesitating slightly. “You did not want to end the Dark Hour?”

All eyes turn to Kotone, who shrinks a little bit. “Look... I don't know if you guys realize just how crushing life was before this year. It was always just me and Makoto, and...” She sighs. “I was scared. It felt like... Like we were only gonna be friends as long as we had a common purpose. Once the Dark Hour was gone... I just...” She shakes her head. “I realized how messed up that was, y'know. It just... It took the Shinji situation for me to really...” A long moment passes, and finally Kotone sighs again and says, “Can we just leave it at that? Please?”

Mitsuru hesitates slightly, then nods. “Okay.”

There's a flash of a thousand different scenes suddenly, and Yukari finds herself overwhelmed by the sheer volume of emotions on display. She catches only glimpses, but it's obvious enough what's happening. Makoto rushes to the alleyway, barks out commands, does everything he can to save Shinjiro, and he succeeds, not that he ever knew it...

And then, suddenly, he's back in his room, and he collapses on his bed, curling in on himself. He looks so terrible, so distraught and broken and helpless. The sight of it shatters her heart, just like it did back then. He closes his eyes, and then there's another flash, and they end up in what seems to be his dreams. In his dream, he's the one who shoots Shinjiro, and Yukari feels herself shrink at the sight.

There's a slight shift, and then it's the Dark Hour, and Makoto's still in bed. “You still seem tired,” a voice says, and Yukari recognizes it as that kid, Pharos.

Makoto sits up. “I am tired.”

“Has something happened?”

“Shinji... He got shot. Twice.”

“Oh. Is he dead?”

“I don't know. No one's told me anything. I sent him to the hospital.” Makoto looks like he's about to choke on something, like just breathing is taking an enormous effort right now. It reminds her of how he looked in February. “I could've done something...” he croaks.

“Is that true?”

“Yes. I knew something was wrong. I knew Shinjiro was guilty about something, that it had something to do with Ken. But I did nothing. I left it alone. I was so distracted... by Yukari, by Kotone, by my own wants...”

“Is that so wrong?”

“If it costs Shinji his life...”

None of this is new, not really, but... There's something so much worse about seeing him work through it in his own mind. He'd told her directly that he blamed himself for what happened to Shinjiro, and that he considered his relationship with her to be a distraction. But... This just feels different. She can't even really explain it.

The child steps forward after what seems like a slight cut in the memory. “Lately, I've become more certain of something. The end I've spoken of. The Fall, as some call it... It's drawing near. Don't you sense it?”

“Yes,” Makoto says, and Yukari flinches.

“Hm. I wonder, will the Fall bring about an end to this pain? To the suffering you have endured for so long? Perhaps it would not be such a terrible thing, then.”

“Maybe not.”

“In any case, there is not much time left. Please, use that time wisely.”

The memory fades, and they find themselves back in the void.

“I didn't realize he-” Ken cuts himself off, suddenly choking up on something. “I... I should have talked to him. Everyone always said Makoto-san was a good listener, but I was so caught up in my revenge, I...”

“It's not your fault, Amada,” Mitsuru says, softly.

“I brought Aragaki-san there.”

Junpei shakes his head. “She's right, Ken. It ain't your fault. And no one here can blame you for handling your situation the way you did. We all struggled with sh*t like that, too.”

“I knew he disconnected, but...” Kotone hesitates, shifting on her feet. “I mean, he had suspicions about the Fall, even then, and he wasn't afraid? He wasn't...”

“We all know he had some self-destructive tendencies,” Akihiko points out.

And what if that's what brought him to his death? Yet again she finds herself determined to get the key back, to go back to the past now and save him. She'll go back as far as she needs to, so long as she can keep him safe. He never deserved any of the pain he'd felt here.

The next memory starts with a literal bang. There's a shock of pain, and Makoto sails through the sky, landing hard on the Moonlight Bridge. Yukari winces. She remembers this fight. She remembers watching him get injured and pass out, trying desperately to hold off the Shadows and Strega both, wishing she could spare a moment to heal him, but knowing it wouldn't happen.

There's a fade, and then they're in some sort of other world. A blue world, and Makoto sits on a couch, and Pharos stands in front of him. “You've found your truth, have you?” Pharos says, softly. “In the end, people can only live alone. If you ignore that simple rule, you will be forced to accept that you will be hurt when you lose them. No matter how precious something is, once it 's gone, there's nothing left of it. In which case, you'd rather have nothing from the start. That's a universal truth.”

Yukari feels way too many emotions at those words, all of them contradicting one another. The most vocal part of her wants to scream that that's not true, that, even when you lose someone, there's always something left of them. But she also thinks of the unbearable pain she's felt for the past month, how it feels like there's nothing left of Makoto in this world. She thinks of all the times when, in her weakest moments, she'd wished she never even knew him.

“You don't need anything,” Pharos continues, kneeling before Makoto. “You don't want anything. Is that not so? You know, perhaps the Fall is truly salvation. After all, rather than enduring endless suffering, the likes of which humans experience every day, would it not be much easier to destroy yourself and disappear?”

The terrifying lack of feeling in Makoto here disquiets her more than anything.

“You've been blaming yourself non-stop, haven't you? You truly believe it's your fault that your friend is in such a terrible condition... because you are very kind. I wonder, is that kindness of yours a shackle? It seems as though kindness should serve as wings, to lift one to greater heights. And yet, it seems to have kept you locked to the earth, your very soul chained to this futile existence.

“Whether your kindness is a blessing or a curse, however, is not relevant. What is known to me is that you are kind, and so you will fight. Not for yourself, but for those that matter to you. The fight is almost done. Your suffering is almost over. Soon, the end will come, and you can rest. That is your goal, is it not?”

Makoto meets the child's gaze.

“Then I'll respect your decision.”

A flash, and a cut, and the Hanged Man Shadow dies, and a final butterfly lands in Makoto's head, and Death is completed.

When they land in the void once more, Mitsuru turns to her. “Yukari? Are you...?”

“Of course not. How the hell could I be okay?” She glares at the void, ignoring the gaze of the others. “He told me he wanted to live, but that was just bullsh*t, huh? He wanted to finish the fight so he could die, and that's all there is to it.”

“We haven't seen everything yet.” She's a little surprised to hear Kotone say this. “That was his lowest point. We don't know what happened next. We still need to see the rest of November, and December. And January. Those months mattered, a lot.”

“I...” Yukari hesitates, then nods slowly. “Fine.”

Junpei

“Traitors?” is the first word that slips through, before the next memory can fully manifest. When it comes into focus, Junpei immediately knows what's happening. Tatarus, Ikutsuki, and Aigis. Not one of their happier times.

Yukari steps forward. “The video from my father... He said to defeat the Shadows. Was that a lie, too?”

“He did record that himself,” Ikutsuki says, and Junpei still wants to punch the son of a bitch. “Of course, I had to make some adjustments.”

“You doctored it?” Mitsuru says, shocked.

“I corrected it.”

“You monster!” Yukari screams.

“Your father was a superb scientist. He may not have known it, but I truly respected him. Unfortunately, he could not comprehend the magnificent potential of the Fall.”

“W-what?”

“He left that recording at the expense of his life,” Mitsuru says harshly.

“I suppose so. But it did some good in the end, so I'm sure he's happy.”

Yukari looks torn between attacking him or curling up and crying. “You used both me and my father!”

“'Used' is such an ugly word. It was for the good of the world, so how could it be wrong?”

The surge of emotions from Makoto suddenly bubbles up. “Enough!” he screams, and Junpei remembers being shocked at that moment. After all, Makoto never raised his voice. Only when summoning Personas, and even then he seemed to scream half as loud as everyone else. He draws his sword and points it at Ikutsuki. “You can't summon a Persona. You're defenseless. So let Aigis go, or I will kill you.”

“Makoto?” comes Kotone's uncertain voice, but Makoto ignores her. Junpei hadn't realized, at the time, how serious Makoto was. He's truly ready to kill here, to save Aigis. Kill and die, I guess. He only did one, in the end, but... Well, he couldn't blame the guy for being so pissed. Would he have shown restraint, if it had been Chidori that Ikutsuki was holding hostage?

It's a blur then, and he's not surprised by that. That night was foggy for him, too. Kirijo-san dies, Aigis breaks free of her mind-control, Ikutsuki falls from the observatory, and everyone goes home in stunned silence. Then the next day comes, and they're in the command room.

“If you want to blame me,” Makoto says, softly, “then do it. Don't skirt around the issue.”

Man, figures. He really doesn't want to relive this bit.

“Fine.” It's past Junpei that steps forward, and present Junpei would really rather not see this again, but he's got no choice in the matter. “You're the reason we started fighting the full moon Shadows. You're the one those butterfly things always went to. And Ikutsuki singled you out in particular. That all seems pretty damn suspicious, doesn't it? I mean, what would you think, in our shoes?”

“I was going to be sacrificed, too.”

“Ikutsuki preached death as salvation, though,” Akihiko points out. “Someone who believed in that... Well, they wouldn't have a problem with being sacrificed, right?”

“This is crazy!” Yukari exclaims, and present Junpei agrees with her. “You actually think he knew about it this whole time?”

“Maybe not from the start. But maybe he got clued in later.”

It's all just noise from then on, and Junpei realizes that Makoto wasn't even listening. He's in his own mind, staring dead-eyed at the wall. Then, finally, he says, “Are we done?” When no one responds, he looks up and says, “Is there anything else of importance to discuss?”

“Um...” Fuuka manages. “I... I suppose not.”

Makoto stands and leaves without another word. It's only once the door is closed behind him that he starts to run, though. Junpei's eyes widen as he watches Makoto – still, silent, stoic Makoto – have a panic attack.

He doesn't really know what he thought happened here. He just watched Makoto leave, and left it at that, thinking nothing more of it. They'd kept talking, and that was that. But Makoto rushes all the way down the stairs and out the door. He instinctively reaches up to turn on his music, but his headphones broke in the fight against the Hanged Man Shadow, so he's got nothing to drown out the thoughts.

And, god, there's a lot of those. They buzz around in Junpei's mind like a swarm of flies, and he has a feeling this is the tempered version.

It's not until he gets to the station that he finally falls to the ground, sitting down carefully on the stairs and running his hands through his hair. He looks just as dead here as he did when he actually died.

“Good evening.”

The sudden voice makes Junpei and past Makoto jump. When Makoto turns around, Ryoji is standing there, in all his stupid vain glory, that dumb yellow scarf as brazen and bright as ever. “What are you doing here this time of night?” he asks Makoto, an easy smile on his face.

“I'm not-”

“-doing anything? That's good. It means you can stay and talk to me.” Ryoji takes a seat on the steps. “I was just looking for something to do.”

Makoto sits instantly, as if he didn't even need to consider it. Ryoji always had that effect on people, after all. He could make them do whatever he wanted, without much effort. Junpei wonders if that was just part of his natural charm, or if that was some sort of god power. “You go to Gekkoukan High, do you? That's a coincidence. I'm actually starting there soon myself. I'll be a second year.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have any advice for me? It's always a bit worrying, to transfer in. Especially this late in the year.”

Makoto hesitates, shakes his head, then stands. “No.”

“Huh? Where are you going?”

“I don't-”

“-have anything to say, so you're leaving? That's a bit sad for me. Are you afraid of talking to me?” Makoto pauses, turning around with a slightly stunned look on his face. “You have kind eyes. But your kindness will cause you to end up lonely. I don't like seeing such a kind person feeling so lonesome.”

Makoto leaves without another word.

Kotone makes a small scoffing sound. “I guess they did meet before the first day, huh? And he just couldn't wait to start school to start his flirting...”

“Picked a bad target, though,” Junpei points out. “Makoto wasn't gonna buy into that crap, 'specially not then.”

The scene doesn't change. It carries on, following Makoto as he walks aimlessly around the city. He keeps his head down, tries to block out the thoughts that rush through it, but he's failing more and more, and Junpei feels terrible seeing it. Because I'm the one who put the damn thoughts in his head. He actually thought it was all his fault, and I'm the one who made him think that... He wonders if he could have ever made up for that.

“Makoto-san!”

Another sudden voice, and Makoto turns around to see Aigis behind him. He rushes up to her, crying out her name. “Didn't you go back to the lab?”

She collapses. Aigis had been in rough shape after the Ikutsuki betrayal, after all. “I felt a bad premonition,” she says, smiling up at him kindly. When did she start smiling kindly? “Where were you going to go, Makoto-san?”

He sighs and stands. “Does it matter?”

“I'll come with you!” She stands, collapses again, and then stands again. “I'll go with you.”

“Aigis...”

“What's most important is for me to be by your side.”

Makoto stares at her for a moment, and then shakes his head and turns away. “You'll still vanish too, someday. I'm sure you will, Aigis. Everyone always does, eventually.”

Oh, man. Junpei really wants to shake some sense into Makoto.

Aigis follows him again, then collapses again, and Makoto turns to help her reflexively. Even when he's trying to turn his back on someone, he just can't do it. That's just the sort of guy he was, Junpei thinks.

“I will not vanish,” Aigis declares. “I will not leave you by yourself. I am more certain than ever that this is the reason I was granted the eternity of time. When my operations were taken over, it was your voice that allowed me to break free of my restraints. I am sure that I exist to protect you, Makoto-san.”

He stares at her, and then suddenly rushes forward and embraces her tightly, leaning his head into her shoulder. His breathing is heavy but stable, and he's no longer in danger of a panic attack.

Aigis doesn't return his embrace. Instead, the look on her face is confused, but accepting.

They find themselves back in the void, however briefly. “Guess you were his rock, then, huh?” Yukari says, softly.

“I...” Aigis hesitates. “I thought about that moment often. In January, specifically. I felt nothing, back then. When I started to develop my own humanity, though... I wondered if I would have felt something if he were to hug me again. It frightened me.”

“What did?” Mitsuru presses, gently. “Feeling something, or nothing?”

“Both,” Aigis admits. “I... I am not a human, no matter how human-like my heart becomes. I could never have Makoto-san. Not... not the way Yukari-san does.” She frowns, looking away. “Did.” A moment passes, and then she shakes her head again. “But... to feel nothing frightened me, too. I did not know what I wanted.”

“Did you ever find out?” Ken asks.

“Yes. But... I suspect that memory will be within his, as well. I think you should see it yourselves.”

Well, that's yet another promise. Junpei's getting a little sick of the movie trailers, but whatever. Seeing the memories and not seeing them seems to be just as bad.

There's a pretty funny scene of Makoto watching, baffled, as Ryoji talks his way into a job at Chagall in ten minutes, followed then by the two of them having their odd-couple buddy comedy sequence as fellow cafe workers. Junpei kinda wishes he'd dropped in on them during this time.

Weirdly, he finds himself deflating a bit again here. Sucks that we lost Ryoji, too. Man, imagine how much fun sh*t coulda been next year... With Ryoji and Kotone together, there was no chance of anything ever getting dull. And Makoto had brought out the best in Yukari, just as she'd brought out the best in him. Shinjiro and Chidori both came back. God, the new year could've been so good... Now he wonders if they'll even still be friends when this whole thing is done.

A brief shift, and the two of them are now standing by the fountain at Paulownia. “You know,” Ryoji says, “I think I have a bone to pick with you, actually.”

“If I've done something to offend you,” Makoto says evenly, “perhaps you should avoid me. As a punishment.”

What a weasel, Junpei thinks fondly.

“I don't think so, but nice try.”

“Fine. What have I done?”

“Well, you didn't do it to me, but I just can't stand to see anyone hurt, and so you've hurt me by hurting someone else.”

Makoto looks like he's gonna slug Ryoji in the face, but he takes a deep breath and says, “Then who have I hurt?”

“Your girlfriend.”

“I don't have a girlfriend.”

Ugh, is Junpei's professional opinion.

“She seems to think otherwise,” Ryoji says, shrugging. “Now, how can a guy so kind as you manage to hurt such a sweet girl as Yukari Takeba?”

“You've met her, what, twice?”

“Once, actually. I invited her out on a date. She said no. She said she has a boyfriend, but that it was complicated. Apparently, you've been avoiding her lately.”

“And how does this involve you?”

“As I said, I can't stand to see someone hurting.”

Makoto sighs and leans against the fountain. “I made a mistake, when I got close to her. It's as simple as that.”

“That doesn't sound very simple.”

“I'm no good for her.”

Ryoji chuckles lightly. “You sound like that foreign girl, Aigis. Every time I try and talk to her, she accuses me of being dangerous. Of course I can't entirely say she's wrong.” Junpei chuckles a bit at the face Ryoji tries to pull. He had that sort of unconscious charm that always comes with people who feel no shame. He was willing to humiliate himself at a moment's notice. “Why exactly are you no good for her?”

“Is it really any of your business?”

“Well, I'm making it my business.”

“If you think you can wait me out, I invite you to try. I must warn you, however, that I am extremely stubborn.”

Makoto shrugs. “I don't have to outlast you. Only outrun you.”

Ryoji laughs at that. “Well, I have no doubt that you could do that. But you still can't escape me, not unless you drop out of school. Come now, is it really so hard to answer this simple question?”

Makoto looks away. “I'm not so different from you,” he says, watching the water. “I don't like to see people get hurt. But... sometimes, in order to help someone, you have to get yourself hurt. I lost sight of that this past summer, and got selfish. I prioritized my own happiness, and someone I care about got hurt. If I remain distracted by staying with her, she could get hurt next. Or my sister. Or someone else.”

Junpei has a thousand thoughts on this, but Ryoji vocalizes the most important of them on his behalf. “So, you distance yourself from others so that you can hurt yourself more easily?”

“That's not what I said.”

“Maybe not, but it's what you meant. What you've described sounds more like self-harm than selflessness. Have you considered that hurting yourself would also hurt those close to you?”

“That's why I shouldn't have anyone close to me.”

“It's a bit too late for that, don't you think?” Ryoji's smile is wide. “You have a sort of gravitational pull, I must say. Despite the fact that you say little, and try to push people away, you seem to have an extraordinary amount of friends. Dedicated ones, too.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“I've asked around about you. Not much, but a bit. Some of the girls I've taken out seem to look at me almost as a consolation prize, since you are taken, even if you don't realize it. But your fans aren't the only ones. Your sister practically worships you, Junpei considers you a close friend, Kenji and Kaz both see you the same. The student council relies on you, the track team depends on you, the music club revolves around you. And now that you are shutting yourself off from the world, all of these people are worried. Can't you feel it? There's a tension in the air, and it's coming from that collective concern.”

“All you're doing is proving my point,” Makoto insists. “If I hadn't been selfish enough to make friends in the first place, none of that pain would exist. I created it.”

Ryoji just shrugs. “Whether or not that is true is irrelevant. After all, you can't undo the past. By avoiding these people, you are creating even more pain. It compounds every day, and never subsides. The only way you can get rid of that pain is by returning to the people who care about you.”

Makoto sighs. “I don't understand why you think you can lecture me.”

“You aren't responding to my argument,” Ryoji points out. “Is that because you can't refute it?”

“What is it you want from me?”

Ryoji beams. “Well, your friendship, as I said before. I would also like you to make things right with Yukari-chan, and your sister. And anyone else you've wronged lately.”

“You're asking a lot.”

“Actually, I'm not. All I'm really doing is pushing you to do what you want to do in the first place.” Ryoji smiles, places a gentle hand on Makoto's shoulder, and then says, “Well, I'll see you around, Makoto.”

A harsher cut, and then Makoto's standing from his desk in class, trying to run from the others before they can pounce on him, like always. He fails this time, though. “Oh, Mako, wait!” Kotone calls out, and he stops, if only because it's her. “I wanted to give these to you at the dorm, but you haven't been around lately, so... I hope you like them!”

She thrusts a bag into his hands, and he takes it more out of reflex than anything else. When he looks into it, he sees a pair of nice headphones in there. Junpei remembers helping her pick them out for him. “You didn't-”

“Oh, yes, I did. You weren't gonna buy new ones yourself, and I've seen how distressed you are about losing them.”

A slight shift. “Hey, you gotta make sure you're back the dorm sometimes, though!” Kotone says. “I know you've got work, but it's not the same without you around. See ya!”

Makoto just stares as she leaves.

Another cut, and now he's in Umiushi, sitting across from Akihiko at a booth, a huge beef bowl sitting in front of him. “You might think you could've done things differently,” Akihiko tells him. “With Shinji, with Ikutsuki... But neither of those situations are on you. Even if they were, it wouldn't matter. What's done is done. The only question that remains is, what're you gonna do now?”

“I'm going to protect everyone,” Makoto grumbles, looking away. “I already made up my mind. That's what I'm doing. What I have been doing.”

“No, it's not.” Akihiko shakes his head. “Don't give me that look. You're just hiding from yourself, and us. Y'know, if Shinji does die... My real regrets have nothing to do with what happened to him. Death is necessary, sometimes. I get that. But... I wish I'd been around him more. Wish I'd cooked with him. Walked Koro with him. Seen movies, gotten food, other friend sh*t. If he dies, I'll have to live knowing that I lost my chance to spend time with him, forever.”

“That's what you'd regret?”

“Yeah. And that's what they'll regret, too. Maybe you will die before this is all done, and maybe it'll even be necessary. No one can say for sure. But, if you do, you really think your sister will just move on? Or Takeba? Hell, even Junpei and Ken and Yamagishi? Or Misturu... or me? Nah. We'd all be crushed by that guilt, by those regrets.”

Makoto doesn't meet his gaze. “None of you should care about me.”

“Well, it's too damn late for that. So man the hell up and stop avoiding everyone. All you're doing is causing a hell of a lot more pain, and for nothing. The hell's so noble about hurting people for no reason?”

Yet another cut, and Makoto walks into Kotone's room. “You like Ryoji, don't you?”

“Huh? Uh... How...?”

His smile is small, but it's there. “I can read you, remember? You can't sneak things by me.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Makoto sits next to her on the bed. “He's... a decent guy.”

“Is, uh, that a compliment?”

“It is if you want it to be. Do you plan to pursue him?”

“I haven't decided.”

“You should.” Junpei co*cks his head a bit. He didn't realize Makoto had been in favor of the Ryoji-Kotone relationship, even then. “You deserve to be happy, Kotone. If Ryoji can make you happy, then...”

“What about you? Don't you deserve happiness?”

Makoto looks away again. “I'm not really sure what I deserve, to be honest.”

Kotone takes his hand. “You deserve the world, Makoto.”

He says nothing, so Kotone leans up against him. “I've missed having you around, you know.”

“You have the others.”

“They'll never replace you, Makoto. Even Ryoji can't. You're my brother. My twin. I've leaned on you my whole life. Do you think the past gets overwritten just because we enter the future? It doesn't. The bad sticks around, sure... but so does the good. My scars will never fade, no... But the marks you've made on my life will last, too. Those memories will stick around forever. The pain you cause me will stick around, too. I guess what you need to decide is what sort of mark you want to leave on my life.”

“What... What sort of mark...?”

“Do you want to hurt me, or love me? What about Yukari?” When she says that name, Makoto flinches noticeably. Junpei smiles sadly. They'd all thought a lot about how much he'd hurt her with his distance, but... Man, he'd been hurting himself a lot, too, huh? Kotone nudges him. “You can't hide your feelings from me, y'know. You love her. Maybe even more than you love me. So maybe it's time you stop acting like you don't care. You care more than anyone else. You always have.”

The scene fades, and they're back in the void.

“That...” Junpei breathes. “That was a lot.”

“Indeed,” Mitsuru agrees.

They aren't given much time to catch their breath. The memories resume quickly, and they come in a flash. The Kyoto trip comes and goes hastily, and Junpei ignores a chunk of it. It was important for Makoto, sure, but this has nothing to do with what they want to know, and he's already seen way too much of the Makoto/Yukari relationship. He's content to never again see the two of them in a hot spring.

Of course, if he'd been thinking about what happened after the Kyoto trip, maybe he wouldn't have been so quick to move on from it.

He hadn't expected to see his own death from someone else's perspective. But there it is. Takaya raises the gun, and past Junpei falls, and Makoto looks like he's gonna have a heart attack. He's the first one to rush forward, to scramble down to the body and attempt to do something, anything.

Junpei had only been told about this, for obvious reasons. But... well, he didn't realize just how desperate Makoto had been here. Once he realizes he doesn't have any healing Personas, he resorts to conventional first aid methods, only for those to fail. In the end, he slumps off the body and collapses to the ground, his eyes wide and broken.

I... never realized how scared he was, then. This was before the two of them really became friends, honestly. It wasn't till that talk they had on the school roof in December that the gap between them was really bridged, after all. But here's Makoto, half-dead on his feet from watching Junpei die.

He really doesn't want to watch the rest of it, but he does anyway. He watches Chidori rush forward, watches her and Makoto make eye contact, watches her clutch his body close to hers and give up her own life for his. And he knows how this turns out, knows that they both lived, in the end, knows that she's alive and well at the hospital even now, but still. It ain't an easy thing to watch.

When that memory ends, they're finally granted a moment to breathe.

“f*ck, man,” Junpei says, under his breath.

“Are you okay?” Mitsuru asks him.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Just...” He shakes his head. “I dunno. I have no idea what I'm feeling right now.”

Kotone lets out a shaky breath. “I forgot how terrifying that was,” she admits. “Watching you fall like that... I mean, I think that messed us all up pretty bad.”

“Of course it did,” Fuuka says, her voice so small he has to strain to hear it. “We were all so scared... Especially after what happened to Shinji, we...”

Junpei shakes his head. “Thanks, guys. But... I'm okay. I lived. So did Chidori. That night... I think we can kinda move on from it, right?”

“No.” He's a little surprised to hear Yukari say this. When he looks at her, she's actually meeting his gaze for once. Lately it feels like her eyes are always on the ground. “It isn't easy to think about, but that night mattered a lot. I think it changed us all.” She hesitates, and there goes the eye contact. “I... started relying on Makoto a lot more after that. I was leaning on him heavily.” She lets out a little breathy laugh. “We were pretty much living together after that. I only went to my own room to change.”

Mitsuru smiles. “I really shouldn't have allowed that. Admittedly, I was having my own difficulties coping with the situation.”

“Come on,” Junpei says, scoffing. “It was nothing.”

“You don't get to decide that,” Kotone says, just a bit more harshly than he might've expected. “Everyone here cares about you, Junpei. And we watched you die right in front of us. It f*cked us up.”

He looks away. Honestly, he still has trouble believing that. It's not like he ever brought anything to this team. All he did was complain, and overshoot, and act like a hotshot when he was nothing. And if he could've given his life in Makoto's place, everything would've been-

Ah, hell, that's exactly what Kotone's been saying, isn't it?

We don't trade lives, he reflects. Well, maybe things did work out for the best, then. It's hard to feel that way, though. Makoto was the best of them. It's hard to believe he's the only one who's really gone.

Aigis

He rushes up along the Moonlight Bridge, collapses at her side, and clutches her body close to his. It's the first time he holds her so close, aside from that time after Ikutsuki's betrayal. She's too shell-shocked and broken to feel anything. Watching it back, she would do anything to be in her past self's place.

Because, even with all the damage, her past self is the lucky one. She's the one who is being held by Makoto-san, who has him close, who can see his terrified face and know that it's her he feels afraid for.

It's all a blur from there. Ryoji-san makes his announcement, and Makoto seems to hardly hear any of it. He stumbles back to his room, turns Yukari-san away, and turns on his music the second the door is closed behind him. The faint blue light of the city streams in through the window, reflecting in his eyes and shimmering along his hair. The music is loud and quiet at the same time. The scene lingers, and lingers, and Aigis watches it, unblinking.

He wanders the city when he's not at school, but those memories are faint and separated. He spends no time with the others in the dorm. He remains alone, with his music as his only companion. The snow starts to fall, and the skies turn a bitter grey, and he retreats further and further into his own world.

Aigis can feel the question in his mind. That voice in the back of his head, whispering at him to kill Ryoji and be done with it. The voice whispers that this is all his fault, and that if he had just-

She shakes her head and closes her auditory sensors to this. She will not hear him wish for death. She refuses. It was her fault that he suffered like this. He did nothing to deserve it.

December seems to go by in a flash, until suddenly he's in a familiar room, and Aigis realizes that this is when he visited her in the lab. “I'm sorry, Makoto-san,” she says to him. “If I hadn't sealed Death within you, you would not have to suffer so much...”

“It's not your fault, Aigis.”

“Still... You remember, don't you? What happened on that night?”

“Parts of it,” Makoto admits. “Mostly just colors. Flashes. Sensations. And...” He looks down. “When I regained consciousness... My mom looked back at me. She said something, and then she smiled. I wonder why she smiled...”

I wonder why you smiled, Aigis thinks. You ascended into Nyx with a smile on your face, and you passed away with a smile on your face. How did you do that?

A fade, and he's back in the cold outdoors again, walking aimlessly down the streets with his hands shoved in his pockets. His phone rings, and he checks it briefly to see that it's Mitsuru-san calling him. He ignores it, only for it to ring again. This time, he answers. “Yeah?”

“Yuki, you'd best get to the hospital,” her voice says.

“Is it Shinji?”

“No. It's... Yukari.”

“What?”

“She had some sort of anxiety attack, and lost consciousness. She's malnourished and dehydrated, and... Well, she's not in any danger, but...”

“I'll be right there.”

And then he's in the hospital, looking into a small dark room where Yukari-san lies still on a bed. His eyes don't leave her, and he's shaking. He looks more afraid than ever, then. After a moment of quiet deliberation, he turns around and leaves.

Out in the cold again, but not for long. Something else breaks into the memory, now, and Aigis finds herself reminded of her own dream, which appeared in her memories. One after another, washed out images appear before them. Makoto and Yukari on what appears to be Christmas, her smile bright and wide, while his remains small and soft. Makoto in the kitchen, baking cookies, while Kotone sneaks in to steal one, thinking he doesn't notice her. The shrine on New Year's, and even Aigis is there, in a beautiful kimono... even more beautiful than the one she'd actually worn. The graduation ceremony for the seniors, and then Makoto and Shinjiro-san cooking for them that evening.

A picture, taken with a timed camera, of all of them. Ken holds Kormaru closely, the dog barking up happily. Akihiko has one arm thrown around Shinjiro's shoulders, and the other around Mitsuru's. Junpei and Fuuka both set off poppers, him with a grin and her with a small smile. Makoto, just a second before the picture is taken, surprises Yukari by picking her up, bridal-style. She gets flushed red with embarrassment, while he chuckles at her sheepishness. Unbeknownst to him, Kotone stands behind him, holding bunny ears up behind his head.

And there's Aigis, standing amongst them, and she's not really doing anything, but... She just looks like she belongs. At first, she thinks that he must have done something. This is a fantasy, after all. He could have altered her in whatever way he liked. Perhaps he made her human, or more human-like. But... no, she remains as she always was. If anything, her robotic side is less hidden than before.

It's then, for the first time, that she realizes that Yukari might have actually been right, that night in January. Maybe Makoto really did love her. If he did, he loved her for who – and what – she is.

Then, as quickly as they came, the images dissolve.

And then Makoto is sitting on the edge of the Moonlight Bridge, hyperventilating. He clutches at his chest, his eyes wide and his heart thundering in his chest. Aigis longs to reach out, to comfort him, and she's not entirely sure why. Not only is this a memory, there are several others here who would serve better as comfort.

“You look as though you've seen a ghost.”

Makoto looks up, and Aigis recognizes Elizabeth.

She approaches him with a smile on her face, then helps him to his feet. “Let's talk somewhere more comfortable, shall we?”

“Uh...” Junpei says, and the memory halts a little. Apparently they can pause these. Who knew? “Not sure if I'm just crazy, but... Who's that?”

“Elizabeth,” Kotone says. “Makoto's attendant in the Velvet Room.”

“And...” Aigis hesitates. “My attendant.”

Kotone raises an eyebrow at her, but says nothing.

The memory resumes, and shifts to the shrine. It's snowing, but Elizabeth is playing like a child, even in her uniform with her exposed skin. Then Makoto turns, and sees a man climbing up the stairs, and instantly races over to help him.

“Akinari,” Kotone says, before anyone can ask. She looks away. “You guys remember, right?”

“Yeah,” Yukari breathes. “Me and Makoto were on a date when you called and told him that...” She sighs. “That Akinari had passed away. He was devastated.”

Yet another shift, and Makoto sits next to Akinari-san on a bench, Elizabeth watching over the two of them. “Apathy Syndrome is on the rise,” Makoto says.

“You'll find a way to stop it,” Akinari says, and Aigis co*cks her head. Did he know?

“What do you-”

“You never said anything, but you are more than just an ordinary student, Makoto. There's no need to confirm or deny it; it's obvious, to me, at least.” He nods at Elizabeth. “She is proof enough of that. This is not an ordinary woman. I can see that plainly.”

Elizabeth smiles. “Your eyes are keen, Akinari-san.”

Another brief shift. “We found something out recently,” Makoto says. “About Apathy Syndrome. It's being caused by a god.”

Akinari nods. “A god? Hm.”

“You don't seem very surprised.”

“There are things in this world beyond our comprehension. I don't pretend to understand everything. Carry on.”

“This god... It's been called by outside forces. It's a... really long story. And it's going to bring death to the world. The entire world. We don't know when. But... soon enough, the entire planet will be suffering from Apathy Syndrome. It'll only be a matter of time before extinction at that point.”

Akinari co*cks his head. “Ah. That does explain the rapid increase in cases, I suppose.”

Makoto nods. “My only choice at this point... is whether I face this inevitable death knowingly or not. I can... do something, and it'll make me forget. Me and all my friends, and everyone else who is aware of this. Then, I can live a normal life until the end, unaware of what's coming. Or I can face death head on, and die in terror.”

Akinari smiles. “That's all? Well, I think the answer is rather obvious.”

“What?”

“Well, you choose the third option.” Another slight shift. “So, do what a Yuki is meant to do. Stand up to impossible odds, and win.”

Elizabeth crouches down in the snow by Makoto. “The strength of the wild card comes from bonds. You have met with many of your friends today. Tell me, what would you do to ensure they live on?”

Makoto meets her gaze. “I would do anything.”

“Then it would seem you've found your answer.”

Another cut, and Elizabeth stands next to Makoto. “It is possible, now, that you yourself will come to the Answer to Life.”

“Answer to Life?”

“All those who journey search for the Answer. The arcana is the means by which this journey is revealed. You and your sister have both been on this journey for nearly a full year now. Now that you stand here, on the brink of disaster, I think you are closer than ever before to achieving success.”

The smile on Makoto's face is small, but warm. “I see.”

“Now, then. The banquet is in full swing, and I must be on my way.” Elizabeth bows to Akinari. “It was my pleasure to meet you, Akinari-san. However, I must now take my leave.”

“I was glad to meet you, Elizabeth,” he says in return.

Elizabeth smiles sat Makoto. “I wish you all the happiness in the world. Trust in your heart, Makoto-san. It will not lead you astray. Not now, not ever.”

There's another series of memories. Makoto visiting Yukari in the hospital, baking cookies at the dorm, talking to Kotone at the mall, dancing with Yukari near the fountain, the two of them making love, Makoto talking to Junpei on the roof of the school. And then a sudden trip to Tartarus, and the team defeating the Reaper. Aigis had not been present for any of this, and it saddens her. She wonders if she might have gotten closer to the answer if she'd been there during Makoto's darkest moments, the time when he'd pulled himself out of the misery and found purpose in his life.

And then the twins are together in his room, and Ryoji is sitting on the bed. “Kill me,” he says, “and free yourselves from the shackles of your memories.”

“No,” Makoto says.

“Makoto...”

“I made my decision. I won't kill you, Ryoji.”

And then another shift, and he's on the roof of of the school, Koromaru at his side, approaching Aigis. Her weapon is held up to her head, but it falters, the arm sliding back to her side as he nears her. “And yet... I still want to be by your side. The reason I wanted to stay near you was to fulfill my mission. To keep an eye on Death. But... it's so strange. Even with Death gone, I still...” It hurts, a bit, to watch her past self struggle like this. “You don't need me. You have others. Others who can perform my duties far better than I could. I have no purpose.”

Makoto watches her, his kind grey eyes resting gently on her face. Then he approaches the rail and places his hand on it, brushing some snow aside. “There's a lot of snow on the ground, so we can't really see it now. When spring comes, the cherry blossoms will bloom.” He laughs slightly. “I can't even really remember what it looked like last time. I don't think I was really paying attention.”

“Makoto-san?”

“This time, I want to make sure I remember. So let's go see them together. The cherry blossoms.”

The past Aigis stares. “You... you mean...?”

“I will always need you, Aigis. There are others in my life now, yes. But you are, and always have been, irreplaceable. Don't you understand? That is why we need to fight. Your mission is over, yes... and you deserve a chance to live.”

“To... live...”

The memory shifts, and the others arrive, but they look down. “We're gonna forget... everything, then?” Junpei says, softly.

“We won't forget.”

She remembers this moment well. How Makoto had suddenly spoken, and said the words they all desperately needed to hear.

“Even if we lose our memories,” he says, “we'll get them back. I don't doubt that for a second.”

Another shift, and he stands by the railing again. “We'll meet here. Graduation day is near the spring. The cherry blossoms will be blooming. We'll all meet on the roof to see them.”

Yet another cut, and now it's just Makoto and Kotone, the others having already begun the walk back. “Athena,” Kotone whispers, softly.

“What?”

“Aigis' Persona,” Kotone tells him. “It's Athena, now. Aegis was the shield Athena wielded in mythology. With Aigis' Persona evolving...”

He smiles. “She's not just a weapon anymore.”

“No. She's her own person, now.”

They end up back in the void abruptly.

“Sometimes...” Aigis says, softly. “Sometimes it is difficult for me to understand the affection Makoto-san seemed to have for me. I... longed for his love. I wanted to be looked at the way he looks at you, Yukari-san...” Admitting this is not easy, but she feels there's no other choice at this point. “The idea that he loved me in his own way is... not one I am capable of understanding.”

“I think you can,” Yukari says, more gently than anticipated. “You and him were really close. I don't... I don't think my relationship with him negates yours or something.”

“But...”

She shrugs. “He had a big heart. I don't think he loved you in the same way he loved me. And he didn't love either of us in the same way he loved Kotone.”

Love remains an elusive mystery to Aigis. It's not something she truly understands, not something she even thinks she can understand. As Yukari-san said back in January, the heart is something even humans struggle to comprehend. Is it even possible for a machine to develop such a understanding? Is her cause still futile?

She says nothing, but remains steadfast. There's still more to see.

Kotone

Makoto and Yukari sit on the roof, and Kotone, yet again, isn't sure whether to smile or cry.

“So, why don't we talk a bit about it?” Yukari says. “The future.”

“Alright. Have you thought at all about it?”

“A bit. I guess I'll probably go to university. Don't really know what I'll study yet. What about you?”

“I'm not sure. My plan before was always just to support Kotone as long as she needed it. I never really had anything in mind beyond that.”

You stupid idiot, I never wanted you to give up your whole life for me, it's so obviously not worth it.

“I'll probably end up at university, too.”

“We could go to the same one. Be roommates.”

“You really hate sleeping alone, don't you?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“Good. So do I.”

“What about the place? Do you wanna stay here, or go somewhere else?”

Makoto hesitates slightly. “I'm not sure. I think... for the moment, I need to stay here. Kotone isn't ready to be without me just yet. I'm not really ready to be without her, either. Eventually, though... I wonder if I might leave the city. Maybe the country. I wouldn't mind traveling.”

“Doesn't really surprise me. You're the kind of guy who can live anywhere.” She smirks and pokes him. “You just better not go anywhere without me, go it?”

“Of course.”

Ugh, why does this sh*t have to hurt so much? At least he was planning to live a life separated from Kotone at some point. It's not much, but she'll take it. She'd always been afraid of holding him down, and it hurts terribly to know that she was right. He should've left me behind ages ago. Maybe he should've just let me die, that one winter. Maybe things would've been better... Not that it really would've changed anything. He still would have harbored Death, still would've died here...

A slight cut, and Yukari looks even more embarrassed than before. “You, uh... Do you think we'll get married someday?”

“Would you like to?”

“I asked you first.”

Makoto's laugh is so warm, so comforting... so tragic. “What, are you proposing? Seems a little early, doesn't it?”

She slaps his shoulder. “Shut up. I was just asking!”

“Well, I don't pretend to know what the future holds. I do know that high school relationships don't tend to last. But I also know most high school couples don't go through half the things we did. I'd say we stand a good chance of getting that far.”

“Jeez, how romantic.”

“I don't really know how else to put it.”

“And this is why you need a guitar in your hands. You're hopeless with words.”

“What about you?” he asks, with a smile.

She blushes a little more. “Well... Me and Kotone kinda talked about this a little bit, back at the start of the month. And... It used to freak me out a bit, the idea of settling down like that. I guess I thought it would make me weak or something. I never wanted to be the lovesick schoolgirl who dreams of white wedding dresses and-”

“Can't be white.”

“What?”

“White is for virgins.”

“Shut up,” she hisses, giggling. “The point is that I thought it was stupid to want that stuff. And now... it's, uh, kinda something I think about a lot.”

Another small cut, and Yukari has somehow managed to move even closer to Makoto than before. Kotone would be amazed if there was a single atom between the two of them, now. “Makoto?” she says, softly.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

“Just... kinda wanted to say it.”

He kisses the top of her head. “I love you, too.”

“This is gonna sound so stupid, but... Sometimes, when I hold you, it feels like you're gonna disappear. It kinda scares me.”

And there it is: a lurch. Makoto flinches under her, and he closes his eyes a bit longer than a standard blink, and he looks like he's trying hold back something. Yukari shudders under him, turns to face him and stammers out, “M-Makoto?”

“Nothing,” he says. “Just...”

She holds him even tighter. “I'm not losing you. I don't care what it takes. I'll fist fight that bitch Nyx if I have to. She's not getting you.”

But she did, Kotone thinks, and she wants to scream. She can feel Alecto in her heart again, squirming with impatience to bring vengeance upon those who would harm Makoto. She wants to protect him, wants to save him, and now she's lost her only method to do that...

All she can hope for, now, is that viewing these memories will convince Aigis to see reason. There is no other way, not anymore. Unless I can win back the keys. But... Do I even stand a chance? Or will Thanatos destroy Alecto again, and leave me even weaker than I am now?

She takes in a deep breath, and tries to steady herself. The memories are almost done, now. It won't take long for the end to come.

Yukari

She expects to see the fight against Nyx, the grand conflict on the Promised Day. Instead, Makoto wakes in bed, and he looks weak, and she realizes that they've entered February.

With an enormous effort, he leans over and grabs his phone, flipping it over. He looks shocked to see the date. He slept for three days. We all thought he had the flu or something. How afraid must he have been in this moment? She doesn't have to guess: his feelings are seeping through into hers, and they're overwhelming.

A shift, but a more brutal one than usual. Yukari tenses up as she realizes that this was what reality was like for him. Every moment was blurring together, everything washed in a tone of agony he could never quite get rid of.

Out of nowhere, Junpei is in the room. “Hey, at least you're lucid again. We couldn't get anything out of you for a bit there. Kirijo-senpai even had a doctor make a house call for ya. They said it's just the flu, recommended bed rest. You're pretty good at bed rest, though!”

Despite Junpei's jovial tone, Makoto couldn't seem more miserable. He's just realized that he's the only one who remembers. He was hoping we might not have forgotten, Yukari thinks, holding her hands close to her heart. God, she'd thought it was difficult to watch the happy memories. Is she even going to be able to make it through these ones?

Another flash of white light, and then Makoto practically jumps out of bed. It's nighttime, but he's not alone in his room. Yukari's eyes widen upon recognizing Ryoji, standing by the desk, looking unchanged.

“I told you this would be agony,” Ryoji says, softly.

“I guess no one else can see you, huh?” Makoto asks.

“No. Although Kotone bonded with me as well, you and I share something... special. I exist only because of you, after all.”

“Why're you here?”

“You cannot be alone. If you truly intend to make it to March fifth, you must have someone with you at all times. Your friends can play that part well, but not always. I'll keep an eye on you the rest of the time. Consider this a final gift from Igor.”

“Wow,” Junpei breathes. “He... What, he had Ryoji back in his head in February?”

“None of us really understand the Velvet Room,” Kotone says, carefully. “And we understand Igor even less. I guess he was able to give Makoto this. So he at least wouldn't...” She draws in a breath, and it's obvious to Yukari that she's holding back tears. But are they for her brother, or for her lover? Or both? “So he wouldn't be alone.”

There's a series of images after that. School, the monorail, cooking, going to the shrine. She remembers some of this, but not much of it. After all, she'd been lost in the murk of the amnesia. These days had felt like any others to her, insignificant, beyond her boyfriend's sickness. She was worried for him, but it's not like she suspected he was dying, not yet.

The memory settles on the mall, on a day when she'd managed to drag him out of the dorm. He excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and she'd thought nothing of it. Instead, though, he heads off towards the alleyway behind the mall. The same place Kotone went on Christmas. Why would he...?

Her question is answered when she sees him approach a blue door near the end of the alleyway. He looks unbelievably relieved to see it. When he stumbles in, her mind seems to blur briefly. And then they're in an elevator, massive and stationary. Makoto practically falls into a chair, across from a desk, where an old man sits. He-

“What the hell?” Junpei exclaims, and she can't really blame him. “Who-?”

“Igor,” Kotone says. “That's Igor.”

“I... see,” Mitsuru says.

To Igor's left stands a woman, hiding her face, but Yukari instantly knows her as Elizabeth. Why isn't she looking at him? Makoto studies her for a second before looking back at the old man.

“Ah, my guest...” Igor says, his voice high-pitched, but soft. “I was wondering if we would see you again.”

“Hey,” Makoto says, smiling ever so slightly. That feeling of relief remains on his face, but he keeps looking at Elizabeth. “Something wrong?”

“Your journey is done, Makoto-san,” Igor says. “It is not common for us to continue serving a guest once their goal is accomplished. You, however, have not accomplished quite everything yet, have you?”

“I still have one thing left to do.”

“Indeed. Well, I myself am doing all I can to ensure you can see this through to the end, in accordance with your wishes.”

“Thanks. Really. I need all the help I can get...” Makoto's grey eyes turn once more to Elizabeth. “C'mon, Liz. Say something.”

Only then does she look up, and Yukari realizes that she's been crying. “Let us speak in private,” she says, striding forward to grab Makoto by the arm and drag him out.

“Liz?” he asks, when they end up back in the alleyway.

“It is unfair.”

“...What?”

“Your fate. I have watched you along every step of your journey, and I strongly disapprove of the conclusion. One such as you has no business suffering for eternity.”

At first, she'd felt relief that someone like Elizabeth felt the same way about his death. That she was just as furious, just as aggravated and annoyed. But then...

Suffering for eternity? She'd thought... She'd thought he had just died, the way anyone dies. But he's... He's still around, in some way? And... suffering?

“I made my choice,” he says, but it's clear that this is news to him, too. “You know that.”

“You had no choice. Yourself, or the world.”

“It was worth it.”

No, it wasn't, Yukari thinks, just as Elizabeth says, “Your friends will not agree. If they do recall their memories, they will curse the universe for being so cruel to you. Do you think they will see this sacrifice as worthwhile?”

“I... hope so,” he says softly, and her heart cracks. How is there even enough left of it to crack, still?

Elizabeth shakes her head. “I have no alternative for you, I must admit. But I do not intend to remain idle. I will not abandon you to this fate.”

“You don't have to-”

“Yes. I do. I will not leave you to suffer like this. For now, there is nothing I can do. I am bound by the rules of the Velvet Room. And... there is still some business left to attend to just now. Soon, though, I will do whatever it takes to free your soul. I promise you this, Makoto-san.”

He draws in a short breath, and it looks painful. Everything he did at this time looked painful. “Thanks, Liz.”

She smiles. It's slight, but it's there. “For now, you must keep on the path you walk. Stay strong, Makoto-san. For yourself, and for your friends.” She hesitates, and then jumps forward and embraces him tightly.

Another cut, and they're back in his room. Yukari starts when she sees herself, sitting at his desk. “I'll just get right to it,” she says. “D-did something happen? You've been really distant lately, and... I just...”

Oh. Right. She'd been terrified at this point. Her fears seem silly, in retrospect. He'd been distant, and he hadn't been telling her anything, and she was beginning to get worried he was going to break up with her. Their relationship hadn't been quite so intense during February, no, but she'd still fallen for him. The part where she'd planned to spend her life alone and he'd convinced her otherwise remained true.

Makoto seems, oddly, relieved. It's with a start that she realizes that he'd pulled away for her sake. He hadn't known how far their relationship had gone, how many of her memories had been lost, and he hadn't wanted to hurt her. The thought makes her heart ache. Why did we have to lose our memories? The last little bit of cruelty on top of everything else...

A cut, and she's on the bed next to him. He draws her close. “Don't worry about me,” he says.

“Whenever you say that, I always worry more. I-” She shakes her head. “I don't want to lose you.”

“You won't,” he says. Liar, she thinks. “I love you.”

Yukari bites her lip. She's not entirely sure why, but the memory of the hot springs was one that she'd lost in the shuffle. Her best bet is that, since they'd only separated due to Shinjiro's wounding, her memories of that separation were tied to the Dark Hour, and therefore lost. There's no real way to know why certain memories were maintained while others were lost.

All that mattered was that she'd lost that memory, and so she'd thought this was the first time either of them said those three words. It had made her heart flutter, relieved the unbelievable tension she'd been feeling ever since he started pulling away. She'd settled into the warm familiarity of his arms, knowing that he loved her, and that he wasn't going to leave her...

A sudden flash of light catches her off guard. And then they're in a hospital room. Makoto sits down next to a bed... Chidori's bed.

“You know how you've lost your memories?” Makoto asks, gently. “Well, the others have lost theirs, too.”

“And yet you haven't?”

“I... did something. Something extraordinary. So I kept my own memories, even when they lost theirs.”

“And yet you left me in the dark about this?”

“Sorry about that. Like I said, it's a long story.”

“And like I said, I am not going anywhere. Tell it.”

So he does. He explains all of it, though the memories gloss over multiple times. It's obvious even now how much difficulty he's having staying awake.

“So,” Chidori says, at the end. “You are dying?”

“Yeah.”

“And they do not know?”

“They know something's wrong. How could they not? But they don't know any of what I just told you. They don't understand what's happening to me.”

“You could explain. As you just did to me.”

Makoto shakes his head. “You're... different. I can't explain it. If I told them any of this, they'd think I was nuts. And then I'll get dragged off to the hospital, and I'll break the promise.”

Yukari wants desperately to call this stupid, but she knows it's not. They wouldn't have believed it, any of it. Even though they all knew Makoto Yuki was not the sort of person to make up nonsense stories like this, they all would have thought he'd lost his mind.

Chidori nods. “I understand.”

“I'm glad. Look... Junpei will get his memories back. I'm sure of it. Once he does, this is the first place he'll go. You can't take it personally. He literally cannot remember. The entity that's causing the memory loss is absolute. There's nothing anyone can do about it. But... I think it'll lift.”

“Very well.”

“Sometimes, he'll mention someone special to him, but he can't remember their name. It bugs him a lot. I can tell. I'd tell him about you, but...”

“I understand.”

A slight shift, and Makoto's about to leave. “You are leaving them behind,” Chidori says.

“In a way, I suppose. But we all would have died if I stayed.”

Chidori nods. “And yet, the world you have saved is the very one that called upon this Nyx in the first place. Will your sacrifice be enough?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. That's for the people to decide, I suppose. I just don't want a god to intervene. We don't need that. We don't want that.”

“I agree.”

Makoto smiles, and stands with just a little more strength than before. “Where there's life, there's hope. I'll be gone, yeah... but everyone else will still be here. I have faith that they will make this world a better one. That includes you.”

The memory starts to shift, but gets interrupted by a light sobbing. “Junpei?” Kotone says, softly.

He wipes away his tears. “Man, I... She told me he visited her, but...” He smiles through the veil of tears. “I didn't realize how much he stressed me to her. How he... He apologized for me. Man, I... sh*t.”

But Yukari's fixated on that last sentence, what he'd said just before leaving. I have faith that they will make this world a better one. Is that what they're doing? Have they even started to improve this world? It was the very thing she'd promised him, when she kneeled before his ashes at the shrine. But...

A sudden rush of pain prevents her from pursuing this line of thought any further. The memories resume, and Makoto's back in his room. Past Yukari helps him into his bed, then kisses him on the forehead and leaves. The instant she's gone, though, Makoto falls off the bed, scrambling towards the sink, his fists balled so tightly his knuckles are turning white. He slumps over the sink and vomits blood into it, and Yukari feels her heart start to race.

“Makoto,” Ryoji hisses. “Breathe.”

“I... I'm trying, I'm...”

Ryoji hesitates. “You could just let go. Your death would be instant. Theirs as well. No more suffering, for anyone. Including you.”

Makoto shakes his head. “I told you, no.”

“Can you really keep doing this?”

“Yes. I'll do it as long as it takes.”

Fuuka – present Fuuka – makes a groaning noise, and all eyes turn to her. “Fuuka-san?” Aigis asks, gently.

“It's just... He was in so much pain. I can feel it, though Juno...”

“We can all feel it,” Kotone says, slowly.

Fuuka shakes her head. “No, not the same way. It's just a faded memory for all of you, but... I can feel it. Exactly what he felt. And...” She shakes her head rapidly. “How did he do this for a month!?”

Yukari swallows back her tears, and accepts that her face is just not going to have any blood in it for awhile.

The pain of this memory is nothing compared to the next one.

Even Yukari can feel it, bubbling up throughout her body. It feels like every single cell in her is on fire, like her blood is burning. Her bones are screaming in agony, and after a moment she realizes that she is screaming, and she's not the only one. All of them, including Aigis and Metis, are crying out in agony.

Until it's over, and Makoto shoots up out of bed, breathing heavily. “U-under the bed...” he croaks out, and she realizes that he's talking to the past Yukari. “Bags. Paper bags.”

Her own past version scrambles to obey him, grabbing one of the paper bags and handing it over. He starts breathing into it, and the room seems to fade away a bit. It's a sort of blue room, now, and Yukari isn't in it. It's just Makoto and Ryoji.

“You can't keep doing this,” Ryoji says.

“What's happening?” Makoto asks, his voice pleading.

Ryoji sighs, kneeling down to face him. “Erebus is happening. The accumulation of all human malice, the voices that call upon Nyx. The depths of the human psyche, all merging together to try and bring about the Fall. As I said, holding the Seal with only half your soul is not ideal. Erebus is starting to take advantage of the cracks. If it breaks through, your soul will be torn to shreds, on this side and that one. And the Fall will come.”

“Why is it getting worse? If those cracks have always been there...”

“Makoto, you may not realize it, but even you want to die, now. You can trick yourself however much you want, but you are tired of suffering like this. Your voice has been added to the others within Erebus. You need to-”

“If you tell me to give up-”

“That's not it,” Ryoji insists, kindly. “You need to hold onto the goal. Think about the fifth. Think about your friends. They will remember. Their Personas remain within them. Their hearts have not changed, even if it seems as though they have. You need to keep in mind what you are doing this for, or you will destroy yourself.”

“Okay. Okay. Yeah, I can do that.”

The memory fades back to the void.

No one speaks for a long moment. It's a lot to take in, and honestly she's not entirely over that burst of pain that started this whole thing. She feels like she might start hyperventilating. It takes a moment to become lucid again, and then her first action is to check on Fuuka, who would have felt that the most. She looks dazed and hurt, but she's still in one piece. It's a little victory, but a victory nonetheless.

“Um...” Yukari stammers out. “Kotone? Those things Ryoji talked about... Erebus, and... and the Seal? D-do you...?”

“I have no idea,” Kotone admits.

“We're gonna have to watch more,” Akihiko grunts.

“Yeah,” Junpei mutters, gritting his teeth. “But damn, I hope we don't have to go through that again.”

Kotone's gaze turns a bit cold. “That's not even the full extent of what he was going through, you know. Like Fuuka said, we're feeling this through a filter.”

“I know,” Junpei says, shaking his head. “f*ck, I can't believe... He shouldn't...”

“Do you get it now?” Kotone presses.

“We haven't seen everything yet,” Mitsuru says. “We cannot make a decision yet, not with the information we've seen.”

But, honestly, Yukari's starting to wonder if the Fall really would be such a bad thing. The world put all this pain on Makoto, and he stood there and took it, for them. He should have rest. He should have the right to be at peace. But she recalls what Elizabeth said. He's suffering, somehow. Whatever he did, he's still suffering. He'll suffer for eternity. The kindest, gentlest soul in the world, suffering for all time. How the hell is that less brutal than the end of all things?

And... the fact that, at this point, he had wanted to die... It's not easy to move past that. Makoto had often expressed a disinterest in life and death, but he'd never – never – wanted to die. At least, not that she was aware of...

The memories resume, and things settle down. Makoto sits at his desk, and she vaguely recalls this time, when he'd requested some time to himself. He's typing on his laptop, his fingers lacking their usual deftness. The scene lingers, and she realizes with sudden horror that he's writing his will.

But we haven't gone in his room. We haven't been able to handle the idea of going in there. So his last words are sitting there on that laptop, waiting for us...

Another shift, and they're all together in the lounge. Yukari feels herself shrink into herself a little bit, suffocated by the relative happiness of the memory – both her own, and what Makoto had been feeling. He rests his head in her lap, Koromaru on his chest, and he's smiling, just a little bit. The pain is lessened here. He looks okay, mostly.

Present Yukari isn't really sure how to feel about it, though. He looks so content, so at ease... but that's exactly the same position he was in when he lost consciousness, albeit on Aigis' lap instead of hers.

A cut, and suddenly they're near the shrine, and Yukari raises an eyebrow to see Makoto and Kotone walking down the lines of gravestones. They stop together near one in particular, and she's not surprised to read the words written upon it: Here Lies Sakuya and Minako Yuki.

Makoto kneels down by them, Kotone taking a place next to him. He, once again, retreats into his own mind, and it seems as though his thoughts are spoken aloud.

“I made my choices,” he whispers to the ghosts of his parents. “Do you approve of them? Or was I a disappointment? I don't think we'll see each other in the afterlife, if there is one. I'm not going there. I'm going somewhere else, somewhere harsher. But I'm going there for a good reason. Do you resent me for that? Does it disturb you to know that our family will never be reunited, even in death? That I will never have my rest? It shouldn't. I have no regrets. I promised I would protect Kotone, all those years ago. I did this for her.”

Yukari clutches her hands to her heart, and thinks about all the times she's whispered words to her own father, wondering if he would have been proud of her or not. She wonders if she would have had the strength to do as he did. To sacrifice herself for the sake of the ones she cares about... If she's being honest, she probably couldn't have. The thought disturbs her.

“I...” the present Kotone mutters, and then she hesitates. “I hate this. He said it himself, he did it for me. And... Why? He shouldn't have had to die for me, I...”

“He made his choice,” Mitsuru says, not unkindly. “He loved you. And he would not have accepted you dying in his place.”

“Why does that matter?” she grumbles. “What, if he were here instead of me you'd go along with my plan? If I'd died and he'd lived, and he wanted to reverse that, you'd accept that? Why do his wants trump ours?”

No one really has an answer for that.

When the memory resumes, Makoto is at the shrine, approaching a bench, upon which sits a middle-aged woman. She looks up at him. “Oh. Yuki-kun, right?”

“Call me, Makoto, please, Kamiki-san.”

“Akinari's mother,” Kotone says, softly.

“Okay,” Kamiki-san says. “Makoto. Would you like to sit down?” He takes that offer. “Are you well. You look a little ill?”

“I'm... sick, you might say.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means I'm not really sick. But I might as well be.” He smiles, ever so slightly. “I think your son understood me in a way no one else ever could. I've been reading through his story lately. It's been very comforting.”

“I'm... glad. But why do you need that comfort?”

“I'm dying.”

She gapes at him. “You're dying? I don't understand.”

“Would you like the long explanation, or the short?”

“I... suppose I will have to make do with the short. I don't think you should stay here much longer.”

“You're not wrong. I've got to get back to the dorm to make dinner tonight. Well, the gist is that something terrible was going to happen. The world was, well, going to end. I gave up my own life to prevent that. I've just been holding on as long as possible to tie up some loose ends.”

“The world was...?”

“Yeah. It's unbelievable, right?”

She shakes her head. “Actually, I don't find it so crazy. You must think I'm insane for believing you so quickly.”

“A little, yeah,” Makoto says, smiling.

“So, then. How long do you have?”

“I don't know when exactly, but... I think I'm going to die tomorrow.”

She looks at him again, her eyes wide with terror. “Tomorrow?”

“I've been dying since the start of February. This has been a long time coming.”

“Still...”

“I know. I'm... not ready to go. I'd rather stay. But I made my choice, and I don't regret it.”

Yukari swears she can feel the weight lift off her shoulders. All this time, she's feared that he saw an easy way out and took it. That his self-destructive tendencies won out in the end, and he took his own life to escape his pain. Knowing that he wanted to stay at least relieves one of her fears, though the others remain.

“My death...” Makoto is saying. “Well, the world will carry on, because of it. Even if no one is aware.”

“No one is aware? What about your friends? Your sister?”

“They've all forgotten. That entity that was going to end the world... It wiped their memories. I was spared that, somehow. I honestly don't know the mechanics of it.”

“I... see. Do you resent them? For forgetting?”

Yukari feels her heart lurch as Makoto considers this. Another of her fears, dragged out into the light.

“...No,” he says at last, but it hardly sounds genuine. “But... I'm dying, and I can't even tell them why. Honestly, I...” He hesitates, then chokes on a sob. “I'm so lonely. Even though they're all around, and they're all worried about me, I'm the only one that knows what's actually happening. And I'm scared. How could I not be? This time tomorrow, I'll be gone. But I can't talk about that, I can't-”

She wants nothing more than to burst into this memory and hold him tightly. She wants to be there for him, the way he'd been there for her so many times, but she hadn't been. She'd lost her stupid memories, and left him alone for all this time, for nothing. And he'd suffered, he'd been alone and afraid and dying and she had been so unbelievably useless the whole time. How could she possibly claim to love him, if she wasn't even there for him when he needed her most?

The memory fades, but her tears don't.

Kotone

She expects to see him die, but instead they end up back on the highest part of Tartarus. The Shadows press in, Nyx unleashes waves of destructive gravity upon them, Makoto falls. And then he ends up in that blue space, the place that reminds her almost of the Velvet Room, but not quite.

Makoto sits on one couch, and Ryoji sits across from him. This is just about the last thing in the world Kotone wants to see. She misses them both, wants them both back, and here they are, but they're both gone in the present, and she's lost her chance to save at least one of them...

“You finally know, don't you?” Ryoji says, softly. “You have found the Answer to Life, haven't you?”

“Yes,” Makoto gasps.

“Something irreplaceable, that you must protect, no matter what it takes...”

Makoto does not respond.

Ryoji sighs. “Now that you've found your answer, you're qualified to obtain a miracle. And that power will make the impossible possible. But... are you sure that's what you want? Even when you know what will happen?”

“Yes.”

“Everything comes at a price, Makoto.”

“I know.”

“And you will not be the only one to pay it. You will cause them pain, too. You will be leaving them, even when they desperately want you to stay.”

“I know,” Makoto manages. “But this is the only way.”

A slight shift, and now they're both standing. “You've known for quite some time, haven't you?” Ryoji asks, gently. “How this will end.”

“I didn't know. But I had a feeling. I didn't expect to survive this.”

Bastard, thinks Kotone.

“I wish it didn't have to happen this way,” Ryoji says.

“Me too.”

“I wish I could have given you something better than this, Makoto.”

“I know. It's alright.”

“No, it's not. You did nothing wrong. You did not deserve this fate. Yet you were given it regardless. This world is cruel.”

“No, it isn't.”

How is it not? How can you say that? How can you possibly look at all this and say it's not cruel!?

“Makoto...” Ryoji says, so softly. “You have chosen your own end. You are about to meet your own death, face it directly, as no one else ever has. How... how do you feel?”

Makoto looks out into the void, and he smiles.

“I feel... content,” he says.

“Truly?”

“Yes.”

And then it all erupts into light, and Makoto stands, tosses his Evoker aside, and summons Messiah. And even through the veil of the memories, Kotone can feel a power like nothing else surge through her veins.

Aigis

He looks back at the rest of them, and he smiles, and then he floats off into Nyx.

Aigis feels no horror this time. It's not her memory, after all. She feels what Makoto-san felt in this moment, and what he felt is exactly what he said: contentment. He has accepted the fate given to him, and he feels no resentment. How is that possible? How could a man be given such a terrible fate, and yet feel no rage?

It all feels blurry. None of the details are clear. But Makoto-san remains in perfect focus, standing tall against the goddess. He thrusts his hand up, and pours all of his power towards her, and then...

He collapses off his bed as a knocking comes at his door. He stumbles over towards it, throwing it open and gaping at Aigis on the other side. “I am so glad to see you safe,” she says.

“Aigis,” he says, his voice hoarse. “Do you remember?”

“I remember everything,” she says carefully, nodding. “Everyone else seems to have forgotten, but I...”

And then he throws his arms around her, embracing her tightly. She returns it hesitantly, and recalls how much she'd felt then. How relief and warmth and joy and shock and a thousand other emotions had swept through her body like a hurricane. “I never forgot either,” he says, and everything fades...

...and then he's on the rooftop of the school, resting his head in her lap, and the sound of the others racing over to see him fills his ears, and he smiles, and then...

When she blinks, they stand outside the door again.

“I...” Kotone is the first of them to croak out a noise. “I don't understand. That still didn't... We still have no idea what he actually did.”

“But...” Aigis says, hesitantly. “We know what he knew, now. Perhaps...” She turns back, looking at the stairway. “I... excuse me, for a moment.” Without waiting for a response, she rushes down the stairs as fast as her limbs will let her.

She pauses before entering the Velvet Room, taking care to step in respectfully. When she sits before Igor, he waves his gloved hands before her. “Ah, my dear guest,” he says. “You have now seen all the memories of your peers. You stand closer than ever to finding the Answer yourself. Do you feel it?”

“Yes,” she admits, and she does. There's something, something close. “But... there is one thing I still do not understand. When Makoto-san gave up his life... he did not kill Nyx, did he?”

“No,” Igor says, readily. “Killing Nyx is impossible, just as you were all told. However, there is another way to deal with those that cannot be defeated...”

“He got rid of her,” Aigis says. “He...” She searches through her own memories, through what she'd seen in his. “The Seal. Ryoji-san mentioned something of this nature. What... What is the Seal?”

Igor's smile widens ever so slightly. “I think it will be much easier for you to see that yourself.”

“...How?”

“Through memories, of course.”

“But... Whose memories?”

“Recall, if you will, that Makoto-san was not the only one to reside in that room for this past year.”

Aigis starts. “Death. You mean...?” She shrinks back. To see Ryoji's memories, scant as they might be...

And yet, that might deliver her the answer.

“Thank you,” she says, softly, as she turns to leave.

“One last thing, my dear guest,” Igor calls out. “The strength of the wild card comes from your own strength of heart, yes... But strength of heart is formed through bonds. Remember this, as you carry onward. Do not falter, and do not forget yourself... or what he gave you.”